I woke up this morning with the strongest urge to message my brother
And I all I could think to say was, I love you so so much..
There's this fire that is inside me, almost completely burning me up
Anger, hurt, resentment, tension, anguish
And yet I can't give any of it up..
I want to yell and scream and tell him of my pain but i digress...
I repress all of this violence inside and succumb to the sadness which is all that's left
To wake with this thought is something I surely did not expect
For the last few months my life has been a wreck
Constantly shaking, with panicked breaths
I could find no comfort in where I laid my head
All. Because. Of. Him.
I was strangled in my own home by the uncertainty of his character
I was withered and had been beaten
Completely had gave up
But today my love was strong and needed an outlet
I wished only to hug him and give his hair a rub
I wished only to laugh and feel his touch
He used to be my savior, the knight in shining armor
Big brother protect me from all there is to harm me..
I needed you as a young one and there you always were
but now I find I've grown and no longer feel secure
This is just a long big rant, my feelings are unending
I just hope that someday the love I have can save you, they way it did for me
I hope to have you forever, my brother whom I need..
This cloud which has settled roughly over our roof gives me chills me day by day
These needles, and that foil a constant throw away..
My heart still steadily beating for some sort of reprieve, I find my self longing for the way our home used to be..

So here I sit,
Where we have sat,

So here I live
Where we did once,

So here it is,
I'm ready and willing

I make my spot right here and get real comfortable,
For I know it will be quite sometime before I decide to visit again
And with that thought reverberating in my head
I find myself settling into the depths
Of what we call our past

It wraps and curls around me,
hugs me tight
keeps me safe
helps me cope

I wonder what your laugh would sound like in my ears while
We sit here side by side,
The proximity alone, the chance to touch you
Sends shivers running down my spine,

But up from the ground I look to search for you
and the shivers all but run cold
As I start to shake, I fear the wake
that your death has had on my soul

No longer are you next to me
Where we have sat so many times before
No longer will you look to me
With questions I would die to answer
Only for you

No longer can we make Easter,
with baskets of fun
No longer can we make Christmas
with presents under the tree
No longer can we make Halloween
with no you and no me

So here I sit
Where we have sat

And here I cry to make my bed
Upon sheets which you have never laid..

I have crossed the  universe
To lands you can not stay
Sauntered through the dreams of midnight
And crossed the corridors of day

I watched the stars hang their heads
As morning came to be
She tucked them away into their beds
And extinguished their misery

I took the shot with Virgo
She truely is my queen
I left her shorlty after
To smoke on dragon wings

Lightning streaks the sky
When new addictions are born
And if you drift to close
Your life will be absorbed

Not sure if  I can leave
Anytime real soon
But if you catch me down
Fix me to the moon.

Emotions like the fall of Rome
Sadness sits high upon the throne

Glory, grander, that slowly fade
Melancholy into the sunlight bade

From the shadows in which it hid
To rear its prideful head again

And under the coliseum lie
Life before childhood died

So discontent a simple notion
Sorrow is a lowly emotion

And aqueducts lead unto my eyes
Water flows with no reprise

For the ones who understand
The life that hangs from golden strand

Simply reverberating with discord
For into my back the knife did bore

Et tu, Brute?
Is all that can be said
Now lie my happiness dead

The ides of March so have come about
Leaving in heart and soul no doubt

That the pillars fell to rest
And joy was put to death

In a time not so long ago
When I had no hope,
Steam raising from a gleaming stream
In the middle of lavish mountains so serene,

The golden water rolled into a pond
And how it happened I do not know,
There I stood knee deep in the waters of tomorrow
I took slow steps not to disturb
the calm waters there that lie

I laid at the cool waters edge motionless as if dead
The water danced with the wind
I wished that the splendidness would never end
A gray stone in the middle of the pond, alone

Remembrance of the world, beauty all around that no one knows
The sun a redder glow, leaped across the waters low
The majestic trees caught the sun, and long did it seem to hold them
The light could not get away, there it sat and long it stayed

A place where uplifting winds forgot
No sorrow could ever be brought
A shrine to us from god, the kingly trees slowly nod

Birds from the heavens drift down to drink
The water gently ripples about their beaks
Leaves lay at rest upon the earths breast
Still and undisturbed for so long it seems to me

Only angels dance upon ground so soft
Humans find beauty and then get lost
The sun began to sink, and the waters slowly recede

Up a waterfall it traveled
I stood and ran after
but soft leaves had turned to gravel
The moon began to rise, as did the less happy skies

Ran and hid did the trees, now only houses
lay gathererd in front of me
All beauty must sleep, and sleep it did
But how I wish it would come again

In my bed I did lay long, the sounds of the forest in my head a song
And as I faded from reality I caught a glimpse
Of the golden stream of reverence

Lay me low
beside myself
tonight

Feeling high
existentially
inside

Drunken emotions
sovereignty
and loneliness

Lie with me tonight
and I will make love to you,

Hold me tight, make me feel brand new
We'll revel in the waning lights,
with promises of tomorrow

Not knowing if they'll come
I'll kiss you tenderly til dawn
Cause I know, in the morning,
You'll be gone

This hurt..
known all too well

This pain
I can't help but dwell

The love
all but stripped away

Replaced
now only emptiness leads the way

You ******* away
with the games you play,
and I cant seem to see
why you do this to me,

Why?

I don't get in a relationship, fall in love
and expect you to leave,
but you did..

You see i'm content to live in this fallace,
that I hope and pray will come true some day,
so I hold on..

Because letting goo, to me, means
believing I was wrong about you

You..

You were thee one or so it seemed,
happiness for us was no longer just a dream,
no distant resistance as far as I could see,

You wanted me
back then..

What changed and when.?
answer me this please and I swear i'll leave
you alone

"its for thee best"
or so you say
I still haven't seen how they correlate

but in you I trust all though, I know,
it isn't wise..

Please don't ignore my cries
for closure.

*Please don't decieve me.