Unconscious con-artists
sipping on each other's pop
intertwining their legs like Twizzlers
Squeezing the back of their necks
playing in the dark
tumultuous bed sheet
half-hanging on a mattress
Bruised lip, scratched skin
Disowning our faults
Pulled triggers on abrasive guns
for provocation and
crawling into trouble

I'm a super-villian in my
own mind
Like Tybalt
that prince of cats
Sleek-eyed
and mannequin-smiled
But those clove cigarettes
black and potent
Hurt my ribcage

Such grand numbers of soldiers
Marching In ashen houses:
Bitten asunder, On fire.
Gripping agony so pale
(With courage tested to no avail)
Simply lost in camaraderie
That surely contracts some vague
Displaced reaper,
(If not at you're back then at you're door)
Inquiring,
"What are you fighting for?"
Hopefully for something as great as the
Fire colored skies of my town and
For something as lovely as the girls of my town;
I carry my home wherever I go.

Divine discontent seeping from the pores
In a livid morning;
(Slowly turning, fireworks exploding)
A melted shore disappearing
Upon some drench'ed pier.
We lingered with honor and blisters,
Seagulls swoop In large groups watching
Us while we laugh.
Crept inside my tumultuous heart
And changed my mechanisms from
Sleek to sharp.
(It was like a chemical
Interacting)

Transforming experiments In
Pounding myself against coarse
Aggravated callings in my right ear-
And a tweeting bird of infinite shape in my left.
Am I naive?
I had spangled dreams centered on devotion;
Hoped to be ready to drink the poison
Through bleeding and sores;
Year to spotted year.

Slowly dragging heavy feet
Along some sinking, flooded street;
Glimpses of my face in quaint stamped windows and
Street signs squeak, pushed by a breeze.
Flashback!!!
Headed into the coal black,
Wanting to turn back!
(A buzzing hum, a swollen drum)
Bang, Bang, Bang!!!

Where do my nights go?
Rough yet supple-
Sublime and dismal.
Maybe a pill (or five)
Will help:
My medicinal soothing soap.
Whisper sun rays of hope
Through a distracted period of maladjusted
Fractured-like pieces
Cascading onward by buildings and buses;

Skyscraper mornings and light rail nights.
Then a Bang, a Fear, a Flight
Wandering and pondering...
Seemingly lost expressions
Of a fixed world, with fixed suspicions, and
Amused paranoid delusions
****** at you!
Suspended in a haste!
Desperate chase never fully acknowledged .
(Or even understood)
I'm under a hood trying to hide
Don't get weary of all the **** in sight
For in this place a
Scream or  paradise
Could be one In the same;
Convoluted via chemical surroundings.

I've been at the bottom of a bottle
for many binge nights now
shutting the snowy daylight out
No such thing as a perfect person
only a perfect broken one
as he blows like a line of coke
every word we ever spoke
And those innumerable apologies to myself
haven't ceased the quacking of a volcanic heart
they never pierce the borders of an answer
I'm too precarious to figure out
There's no such thing as perfect order
only perfect chaos
Grabbing for a ghost
when the midnight has betrayed us
on the flooded streets by mountain-peaks
or the sticky stains of *** on the desk

Grazing bright On beaten hiking paths by
This incompetent mountain on Moon-night,
Maybe It Is a large hill?
I tread and look down,
Except to glimpse at the moon; Nurturing,
Innately wrapping me up,
Luna-Love.
A swelling, choked-up in my chest;
Hard lumps of e-motion to
Swallow....
(I know I know)
There's consciousness beyond eternal wrest
Of this body:
Twitchy
Susceptible, At times
Bleeding, At times
Sore.
And consciousness beyond decay
In coffins and urns,
Decays whose traces have
Never resolved...
Just glimpses in the camouflage,
Invisible to society...
In pictures tacked to boards in stores,
"Missing".

I know once more what
My soul longs for while I
Shut my eyes and
Drift into outer space
The lyrics I hum are
The gospels while
The musicians are saints
The chorus echoes like
The prophecies of angels
And apostles
And the rhythm takes me to
A sacred space
Music is my religion and
Melody is my faith.

Days I'm hungover I
Can't eat, although
That hardly matters
In a world of gunpowder
Saturated with wonder and
Coughing through the
Taciturn caricatures I
Encounter.
I'm up at all hours:
Cracking my neck.
Swollen eyes.
Soar throat.
My tongue explores the crevices
Between my teeth
In my mouth
I sit for forever it seems...
Mocking the changes I need to
Make in my life-
And other people's lives.
Wishing for swift heeled
Destiny
To begin everywhere, all
At once.
Misplacing time.
Running out of time.
In a rush that grabs this city
In the early hours of
Restless ramblings and
Empty crossroads that sit
Traffic-less;
Where do we all hide at night?
The quiet.
A moonless shade of pale black
Across the eyes of the sky
That makes me feel like an ant.

Belittled in space
Across soft oceanscapes
Like Alice's wonderland mushrooms growing
Through thickened moss.
A figure, blurry, dispersed like a witches
Ingredient around the room.
I'm softly lying, breathing uncontrolled on some
Pullout bed, in a random room I'll enter again with
No memory of lying so drunk and gone.
Parties heal my heart
But the boys seem fatuous.
In the wake of these tender unrecognized years,
Bitten lips, that swell purple the next morning.
Left alone to slumber till noon
"Wake up! It's noon!"

Playing laser tag on canopy beds In
Trailblazing *** kitten style;
Blue eyes staring down upon.
Tanning In the graveyard
With butterfly kin and
Spent time In swimming pools
Of aquamarine,
Shaped like a leopard spot.

Under heavens zephyrs,
In a bewitching renaissance;
Flat whiskey soaked pianos askew a lilac-like ambiance.
Over willows breath; strung aback tight, like drum-skin,
Two shadows stand with their hands clasped
Like star-baby fashion.
Somber, old and darling vinyl vanity sets;
Crystal ***** on earrings.
Spider satin brew on honey-dew nights;
In floating teacups we are spinning.
In twilight mines; hypnotized sirens.
Tethered feathers strung in hair.
Glimmering lakes and bonfires,
Fireflies echoing therein.
Mystical sunrises slighted by
Crystal skylines;
Torn hearts left barren with
Dilated pupils In misty eyes

Listening
Living in between seperate
Dimensions of being
We used to swim In public
Pools and used to gaze at the
Spray-painted underground
Nakedness rampant under
The bridges of our city
We used to coo in creeks and
Make invitations to every
Kid in class to our birthday
Parties
We played with basketballs
Hula-hoops and Gameboy
But somewhere down this
Beaten road through adolescence
Somewhere beyond the socks
For presents on
Christmas
We became taller and hairier.
Shaped crystals from diamond
Mines
And life gave us something to
Unwind
A music box for a wandering mind
To speak our truth
To speak you're soul
Disguised as a bruised indifference
Or an overt lunacy somedays
(Seems plausible on sleepless
Nights, insomniac-like In
Cemented rooms that turn so cold
In Autumn.)
But our truth is our sanity
Which must be uttered In
Amazement
Even as some hookah caterpillar
Is blowing smoke
Trying to convince you you're
Crazy
Maybe the caterpillar is only lazy
And trying to be a marmot.

We're all gunna die someday
Better find the one while
we still have time
No more noons gaining high
off wine
Or indulging in pipe dreams
love of mine
Unconscious heart
Persperated in the tinge of desire
Pulled in from the fallout
All the quaking and debris
and rumbling of the inner city
Shapeshifting through the
dregs of karma
You're the muse stealing the
gods' fire

Having you, holding you
Teething you, loosing you
Like I knew I would
Beholded you, breathed you
Shaking you to notice me
Your scents gone but
Your voice lingers in the
Quiet of my room when
I'm alone.
My vision came true
I lost a piece of myself to you
And where you go it goes too
You're like my cat I can't
Replace and
I know I'll never know
The sensation of
You again only the dysphoria
Of your absence still...

I wished you before
under a cracked star
     under a nightscape
My eyes.      Closed
Shut tight.  Locked windows
I wished us together
Phantom lover
I wished us driving
to places alone under
cycles of Moon
playing and dancing like birds
Cradle my wayword bony curve
in your safe space
If you were sour
I'd excuse because
like mommy always said
" If he's mean, that means he likes
you."
But a heart-shaped bruise
is still a bruise
And I'll always be little spoon

Digging underground
Found the diamond
Lost
In the crowd
Soundly speaking on the floor
Beaten badly wanting more
Bruises
Delirious about the uselessness
Of therapy and Sunday classes
By the masses
Childhood memories of running
On a beach
Sand between my toes
Mechanics strange and
Wired like gadgets
Tickets on trains to seafoam
Shores when
December comes
Beguiling smirk
Gazing like a toddler in wonder
At the said shutters of others
Maybe in split-screens with
Vivid color
The lackluster utterings die
At the sight
Cat-eyed and wild
Sighing like a child at coarse
Trivial arrivals of those
Suicidal yearnings resurfaced by
Days-break
Dysfigured in space as shapeless
As the speech that defined it
Butterfly darlings my
Coat flowing on the windless air
As a cocoon I'm enveloped in
Bed by many toppled books to
Beseech in disparity at all the
Shared pairs I erased
Like tickled bruises all sunken and
Hopeless in keeping up with
The moment
Gloves stitched
Kerosene patched dribbled
Against sunscreen
Tired-awake unable to sleep
Fascinated with miracles and the
Shadows in sight
Dismissed while in a crisis that
Felt steep in the night of one's
Soul
A tourniquet strapped around
My elbow in the cold snow
What's the criteria for the
Mentally unsuitable
We are preachers, poets, wives
With ribbons in our hair
Cradled in hate
Dissipated softly only to
Awaken with grim morning
After morning
Dark-days of chaos-tripping
Laid flat on my stomach-ache
Removed by time like an
Hourglass state of mind
Written on my *******
Glamorous sheen caught deep
Within the recessions of my
Brain
Unseen and I imagine
I am that firefly caught in the
Glass container
Blue as lapis lazuli
Blue as the livor mortis after
Suffocating

Traveling passed
Lookout Mountain
I'm seeking a fountain of youth
And
A soft spoken soothed tone of
Truth
In the balmy high horizon
Passing shadows caressing the
Mountain
Little bright lights in the creases
Along pine trees
Shine like lanterns in the sky
With my fists  clenched around
A steering wheel
Breathing in
Swerving out of the dashed
Lines of road
I like the way it sounds
This place called
"Lookout Mountain"
(Exit 256)

The door is shut and I'm
Thinking usually
About a system that doesn't work
A tire that is broke
When payday will be
And about a guy lately
I'll tell myself I need to write
It's been hard to concentrate
Like I was tapping my feet
Contorts into strange positions
Like an acrobat
Rusted pinecones
On the sidewalks curve
Pine trees dark green
Christmas lights and the
Colorado flag with the red C
Draped on balconies
Tilted driveway with
Small patches of ice
Telephone wires scrape the sky
And the poles line the streets
Sometimes there's screaming
On the concrete stairs
I'm lost to myself and everyone
Else when abrasive moodswings
Speaking in contradictions
Plague my weary mind
Like I'm running away from Someone else
Like they forgot my name that
I call myself
And there's no cave deep
Enough
No storm volatile enough
No words clear enough
People everywhere in my
Peripherals
Spacing out in broad daylight
Like I've never heard of a
Clock
Winter fell in love with the
Idea of Summer
And tried so hard to capture
That lofty breeze
Dreaming of palm trees and
Oceantides and tanning
Under saphire skies
But
Winter means hot coco and
Layers of blanket
And when Winter tried to change
He was heartbroken when the
Icicles persisted in spite
I guess I should know
Like do old couple's constantly
Question if they're in love?
No.
They don't.
It's unspeakable.
I must be blind maybe
Like when I worry about how
You feel when you're sitting right
Next to me
Sometimes I freak myself out
Looking for a semblance of
Safety in us
I guess I should know
You're never homeless for
Earth's your home
It's the air you breathe
When your home is under
Your feet
And they call the shelterless
"Poor"?
What is family anymore?
It became glimpses
From the present to the past
To the future
Still like a hearse
In technicolor
Revolving doors passengers
Slide through
Just passing by for a little
Bit of time
Mesmerized by candlelit
Pictures on shelves
By books only passerbyes
Glance at.

Words are only words but cause her stomach to turn.
She will not keep silent what belies
Within her
Unduly saturated by emotions.
The vast depths of her despair are as
Unequivocally beholden as
Her coarse sensations of elated gratitude
Lady Liberty with her French countenance
Fails to gleam as vividly.

Somber dreams drifting away now-
Away from the spirits rummaging
Around,
From the ceaseless beckoning outside my window, and
From the daily toil of mortal coil.
A peace collapses my lids now
Soft as a satin feather.
While I lye inside my
Sapphire tower I escape from
The happenings when my
Eyes close as dew drops slide
Down the stained glass of
Saints and sinners whom wander alone
Dilated pupils over
Cursed lips singing along to a sirens
Song far off to those sunken ships.

I can't help but notice how
you're at the end of every
sentence
This soul-filled blissful presence
stays in spite of doubt lingering..
Hope it remains through Winters
passing.

When I am genuinely happy
I have a lit from within sparkle
I become the epitome of
the term of endearment "honey"
and I sway like a Marigold

Sometimes I feel like a native soul
Reincarnated to speak peace
Of the land that was stolen.
Is this life just an illusion;
Obscure confusion In a
Consumerist ghost town?
An infinite soul  misplaced
In a nightmare of large structures;
Economic crises among endless
Advertisements;
Surrounded by detractors paving dollar bills,
Sitting Eager, and capitalizing on blistering the
Values of peoples seen as aggressive
To their covert agenda.
A nations indulgent corporate thrills that
People like you and I
Continue.
Along cycles of fear and avarice,
It appears that
We worship our debt.
(And that's unfortunate)
We celebrate the dysfunction of an elaborate and
Cheap construction surrounding
False gods of greed and repression;
And blame some scape-goat for our problems.
Stalked by repressive Caesar's so
Shapeless on naked
Walls;
I looked a little deeper and saw their
Hearts were black. (as oil)
The poison is the promise of
Security-stability-quiet-
Peace of mind- living but
Why must we equate material things with meaning?
Why do we buy pesticide apples In stores that fall from the trees?
Should I leave easy and
Never look back? Maybe
It is time to move on
No need for pauses or applause;
Some land where piles of memories become the
Prosperity that
Money could never purchase.

I'm at that stop sign where we parked that night;
flooded in melancholia...
Just don't leave me behind and out of sight because
to you...I matter.

Wasting away, drunken displays,
I say pain speaks louder than words.
Take me somewhere dim In these shades I'm sinking In.
Sin all over, again and again...

I'm sighing, off-hand,
Cursing In my head;
Scattered like shards of crystal...

**** I'm so stubborn!
**** I'm too raw!
Like what's the meaning;
The point of this all?
Cross-stitches through my mind from time to time.
(Better to be somber then smile and lie.)

Tearing at myself counting my bruises,
I'm up and down and feeling muse-less.
Its all so hazy on these days I feel crazy,
But there's always that hope of that down-played "maybe".

Electric skylines
Light rail graffiti speeding
Reflections on windows out
Into the night
Shaking
Glimpses of strangers in the seat
Opposite mine
I wonder how they got their
Life
Where they are going
And I keep to myself
The lights flicker
I play with my fingers and
Kick up my shoes
Thinking to myself
These travelling ghosts
Arrive off different stops
To places that dissappear
Into the dark

Moments life hits you all at once
You're still here breathing
Alive
And memories of jumping on trampolines or
Sledding down mountains
And face paint pave way
For new memories
Babies, engagements, funerals, promotions
Isn't it strange getting older?
After years of trial and error
Becoming yourself
Learning who you are and
Where your heart lives most
What mattered once seems irrelevant
Letting go of time spent
Wasted
Glimpses of roads to places you
Never knew you could be capable of
Treading
All while the suns setting
And through a series of "accidents"
Through questioning if you're on the
Right path
You've come to a place that feels correct
For no reason other than
The sensation in your chest
Blistered past
Comes together
And you let go of
What's been strangling you for years
That locket on your eyes is wide open
Like breathing for the first time
Releasing all the weight you've carried
In vain to nowhere it seems
Blossoms
You release yourself from the illusion
Of being tied to the past
Time has come to start anew
And embrace those things you thought
Didn't want you and It
Was only a way to trick yourself because
Once that was comfortable
Once you couldn't conceive in the possibility
That you are valuable
And your capable of surprising those
Voices that told you
You couldn't or
Would never
You start to believe in something else
In those moments

The Suns a setting!
Nyx will twirl with doom
Inside a shimmering sky.
Cemetery ghosts,
Howling, and hopeless;
Chilled from pearly wings to swarthy ashes
And permeating like smoke became of them.
Death, opaque with an exact scythe,
Pierces thick into the grave the macabre
Strangles me and
Leaves angry scarlet scars on my neck...I'm
Paralyzed like out of the womb.

Swimming in the ocean'
Golden wring around the bud;
Onlookers say you're a mess'
Swimming till your hands go numb.
A discreet beaut with blue blue tempered veins;
Where is your nest?
Soul of a street poet with a bandaged leg;
Do you need a place to wrest?
A harmony without creases
And with each passing face you used to know ,
Synthesized within fluid time,
Was once a place you called home;
Still their oaths and honor would attest
(Lovely lonely bird ,
Ashing a cigarette)
That each one thinks they know you best.
You realize nurturing lithe bones
Like the lady of the lake,
That all in all, you are all alone.

Thought I saw the rolling storms
In the dustbin clouds. Thought I
Heard ghouls moaning through
Their wandering shrouds.
Felt something stirring
Deep deep
Beneath the Sea.
(Maybe It was the titans calling out to me)
My world seemed to shake and shriek
With a pressing voice that rang out
"For evermore,
For evermore".
Whether It was a whimper, or the
Passing of a lush...
Whether It was through a thicket, a
Mountain, or a
Touch
Or whether it wasn't
Any sound audible enough
To hear-
Haunting some hollowed ground where it seemed to appear.
Through the creaking In the floor, and
The quiet of the well...
(Where your hair stands up when your heart strings bell)
The words don't sit quite right
And you disagree...
(When the mere mention of something seems terrifying)
Imploding bombs of atomic construction
Seem to go off and bruise their function;
Miscellaneous hands
Grappling, pulling,
Letting go;
Reaching for solace for evermore,
For evermore.
When the strawberries have rotted
And the bluebells withered up
When a shivering lake of frost descends on my cup.
When the sadness figures inconspicuous,
Behind tall wall'ed towers,
When no-thing tangible seems real and
Nothing impermanent seems to matter.
Longing for when the leaves swing like a cyclone,
(High beyond the trees)
Where the willows thrive and
The moonshine bleeds;
Till through some epiphany
Like the dawn we finally see,
What beauty In the broken be...
If not beside you and not within me.

Should I consult my cards
Destiny-picked like guidance
From above
From the stars
If only life could be kind
And smile once awhile
I'm so sensitive like a glass
Container
And all my water is spilling over
I'm this opposite of a charmer
I have no honey for your ears
Only a truth that speaks in tears
And I've taken to a bottle
After spending my years
Concerned with the
Contemporary models
Society hath contrived my
Life should resemble
But I began to crumble
Not comprehending why
These systems have left me dry
Of passion
You tell me there is no magic
No God or consious to pray
To for a semblance of safety
My adult self is in purgatory
Somewhere between the mundane
And death
And I have an escalating self-
Hatred brewing from within
My chest
Don't you see what my generation
Inherited from the would-be
Saviors of the world had they not polluted it within wars of oil?
Don't you see it's a lie?
It's all corrupt and we're all
******?
Conspiracies paved by broken dreams that we aspired to since
We first watched T.V?
Surely history has taught us
Something: Loving
One another Is worth valuing.
It's like our ideals have flickered
Out and
It's something to mourn and
To be disappointed about
So I pray to the universe and
Hope we can save us
As we sit comfortably on
Our phones
Feeling this dazed sensation
That there's more to the equation
We don't know.

Foggy breeze through my
fingertips when sunburnt days
seem coveted in memory.
When the columbines came back from the dead.
Burnt up cities...
The last glimpse of
firefly lights grew dim behind me
The trees sprouted everywhere like stardust
The pillars I once worshipped
in incense with amulets
became faded ruins...
The weathered walls texture
were like sequins with no glimmer
I escaped again to a place with green lakes and forrests of pines
It's quieter up here in the
mountains
Like a shudder through the
window
I hear the old house moan all
through the day and all
through the night
The sunlight pierces through
the blinds
illuminating his face
which is already illuminated
But you're my bumblebee
that insignia- a honey gatherer
If you subtract the intimacy
out of ***...
Nothing's left, but
hollow mechanical *******
Stealing the rythmn from
the music
Sturdy as a beam I lay
Unable to grasp at anything
It's just noise
Sweaty day, shivering nights-juxtaposed
It's like living on Mercury
In decomposition like a basket of rotten lemons
Past conversations crush their
weight against my open ribs
No parent teacher or friend
told me how all consuming the sensation would be...
Dazed eyes staring through
disheveled blinds,
I was dropping rose buds off the
second floor balcony in the night
They hit the scratchy asphalt
like a gentle meteor shower
Monotonous nights replay
the same phases
That moon...
A face splashing
from gibbous to crescent
Waning on my malady
Always stirring like a steady torch

Summer creases
Memories in pieces
Undisturbed lullabyes
Drifting away
Earthquake wide awake
Moving in sound dancing
Not in the air but on the ground
Stained pages drip's of
Sages drink spilled
On letters not in ink
But lead
Keeping starshine
Wears it on my sleeve
Catches my collar
And so you leave
It sounds like a beach
Nights without sleep
Stayed awake
Grazing memories within
My mind's eye
I'm in love with my sadness
We have an affair
On again
Off again
But it lingers in the still air
Still there, Budweiser
Oh nicotine!
What wars with white sails
And blue oceans were fought for
You, Marlboro
Only to give me headaches
California
California
California

( Don't talk, speak )
The need to move
That need to sit still
Periforate the fabric of
My design

It brings me to tears
Some nights
Thinking about those highway
Roads and street signs

Miss the ocean
I miss the pier
Miss the salt in the air

I resemble a vampire
Just alienated from the
Human race
The years of unfulfilled schemes
Written upon my face
I seek out a safe space by an
Acid lake where I can lye
Awake, dreaming.
(The howls of the busy ether
Dissipate softly)
I'll dip my toe in the acid lake
And hallucinate forest sprites
Dancing on an acid lake
My eyes will roll to the back of my
Head and I'll remember once more
That I'm not dead
I'll tread to where the cement turns
To red-dust and the dirt will kick up
With remnants of surrounding bonfires charcoal black on the smoky ground
Echoes of laughter will hang in the air where only bears and mountain
Lions find home
I'll roam alone by the acid lake that looks placid by day but turns a
Vivid sheen by night.
I'll tell no one of my secret place
And hold my tongue when people
Wonder why my dilated pupils seem
To wander.
And why I resemble a vampire.

Swift falls the night!
Clear comets burn like fins on sirens.
The darkness is silent; hypnotic as some black void!
To find peace In clustering solidity
Hushes and shrieks among the
Raging of this city.
Snow is cascading down long walks to
High crackles and alluring
Roaring of Bacchanalia's.
Drinks at my preferred haunts;
Broken bottles of brew, down-town, under flat roofs.
Budding breeze smoking with boon companions.
Lingers on and on
This ether, this buzz;
Ascending further and farther to those heavens up above
All the rhubarb; commotion hanging in the air,
Till we shatter our limbs among still song.
Late early-mornings and sunken swollen eyes!
Regrets are like dreams:
Something forgotten in time.
Slush edged roads
And shoes gliding
Over Welcome mats.
(Mine as well, It's the weekend)
Get faded.

Flushed thoroughly by
The sink, lukewarm
My face a weathered apricot
Pore-scape.
Mirror twisted like a landslide
Hushed glances
I'm bitten by miscellaneous pupils
And iris'
Widen'ed like copulation
Given honeydew twilight hours
Shaken estranged to breath cold and thick like smoke.
Crossing over-incarnated
Begrudgingly.
A longing for Rococo
And VW buses.

Here I sit...
Same feeling again
Like a bittersweet memory.
I'm my own worst enemy
I wish I cared for someone
Like one shot too many;
My rush when I wake up...
I'm always the "other" boy:
Nothing special; I just love everyone.
Is It possible to feel so much you feel numb?
Where's my one and only gone?
Am I far away;
Floating on the waves?
Will someone reach out to me and
Make me feel like I'm home;
How frostbitten I have become
Like glass,
Like a sadness I cant repair alone.
In the dark I roam
Like a dim candle searching and
Yearning...
For someone to call my own.

Only one light bulb glares like
A broken down dressing room;
Flickering, like it was on a wick, and
Dancing vibrantly to
A Marc Bolan tune.
Shape-shifter paradise
When the moon come'th
And the creaks cease to sound;
Only impressions, vaguely dreamt,
When the noise is turned down.
Waves,
Like trimming,
Glide In the space around the room;
Whispers faint, and dim,
Speak of paranoia and doom.
Pensive and pondering I lye,
Taken aback,
On patios at night smoking cigarettes.
Lilacs on crescent moon walks
For a cheap change of scenery.
Lunaphilia for my imprisoned internal talks
Feeds my dreary summer softly.

In then out like a
wave in the night it
flickered by me in a droplet
of light
Somewhere in between a
doorway to the mysteries
Keeping time then disappearing
Hushed silences like a
quiver from the ground
fore a stampede
Shattering a violence that
someone like I devoured in
Dreams
It was mesmerizing this
quiet obscene sensation of
falling
Scratches on my knees
Sleepless in the Winter dawn
Sitting on the wooden floor
In February

{ Memories that fade away of the beauteous Ouray...}

Frozen lake in a blistering gold sunrise;
My back tight, breath thick like fog.
A nestled community, in the middle of
The descent of the mountain;
Alike to a pearl in a clam.
Street lamps crimson glow within;
Nurturing and dim.
Aquamarine silver necklaces displayed behind windows
And pine trees, crisp, marching up the
Steep of the mountain!
Sudden breeze low and chilly,
Urging weary travelers
Into diners, slumber beds and
Sun-kissed breakfast's.

Pulling out my stitches, again.
Ripping away my dreams, again.
Screaming so loud! It is pushing me to listen.
Have I missed something?
Something that infects my faith, because I'm dazed;
Just blurred out completely!
I am broken down and feel myself shrinking
Away. One mistake
And I drink up my tears;
Not a soul escapes this prison as
I'm petrified.

Owl's eyes see with prophecy
through the depths of
the forest trees' limbs
And those spirits...
Witnessing the past, present and future....
These eyes understand either
upside-down or backwards in
visions of blue
Like mirrors reflecting the sky,
owls eyes perceive the stratosphere
doorway in between light
and shadow-
Gifted as it is with a sprinkling of galaxies....
Owls eyes can see with magic-
Their pupils are portals to Shangri-La and Tartarus where ghouls  waver their direction endlessly in a lemniscate
Even in the most moon-less night
they conceive palpably those ghosts that weap as they wander.

And I will make believe and sit alone
Again and again regarding the silence as a song
Where do I, or you, remain; am I, or you, a memory
Faded persons in a picture from long ago
An insignia and dates on overgrown grass on gravestones
I'm becoming myself all at once
An infinite consciousness with faded recollections of its origins
Where was I conceived of first?
In the myriad galaxies and stardust
Within the chasms of whispers in another dimension
where time is as malleable as paper cranes
I make believe my purpose for waking up and sit alone
Some no-thing inside remains unknown
Forming itself like a wave in the sea
And the nothingness is watching me
Will I or you be immortal maybe?
Even after we are indifferent to one another
Even after flashes of yesterday disappear
In the grey dawn of today

Said you needed a way home;
Seemed innocent enough,
Because this Isn't high school
And I didn't care that much.
Obvious you were trying to slay
And I'll play your game for now;
Although that's never happened,
I have previously heard the sound
Of someone who would rather hide
Than be honest about what they
Wanted.
Its better to be true, I think
Than always being haunted
By regrets of how It could of gone,
Maybe I should have said "no"
But inside, I sort of felt like
This is just how some things roll.
I can keep a secret better
Than anyone I know,
So I hope your lips stay sealed
And that you'll let it go.
If I happen to be out
On some binge around the town
And someone drops your name,
I'll ******* **** you.

It is my theory
If it weren't for the moon
The dead would roam the earth.

You put a light on in a dark
Room when you're afraid
To keep the nightmares away.

Solace from solitudes cruel
Realizations
So small are we compared to
The dawn.

Yule tirade is over and gone
With the mystic mountains all
Snow-laden
Crushed underneath a cotton
Wave of sky
On the other side of the
Window I sit with a towel
Draped over my thighs
I cheated on the sky with the sea
I felt his waves crash against me
And my dry phalanges began to
Prune
Within the thick fog that I
Drove straight through
Was just a few hours ago
I slept in the same bed
With someone I've never
Met before
23 years old with a beard
The shade of cherry wine
I bit his sinewy neck
And dazed upon the Winter sky
He suffers from anxiety attacks
He told me-
As we shared a cigarette-
He's staying with his parents
Because he has no job
And they have a cleaning lady
But it's really just the next-door
Neighbor he said
He likes folk music and
Dresses like a lumberjack

Who is it that you write to
some face in your third eye
vague and dreamy
Who are your messages for
the phantom universe hovering over your bed
That noisy place you wrest your head
Some folks inquire-
"What is it you desire?"
And the only sound answer is
"Everything."
But nothing in particular-
Maybe a cottage by the sea
Salty taste
Far from him
In an isolated tea party
with that hatter who lost touch with reality
At least as dreamers see it
And when I fall asleep it's not next to him
I wasn't his enemy when he's insecure
and now he's someone else's disease to cure
Beaten roads lead to many distances
Tomorrow could dissipate like breathes
I speak to ghosts on the outskirts of society
Wandering souls who speak in emotion
who can only be touched by melodies
that hover like fog over a graveyard
Those apparitions on the road that
disappear after you catch them in your peripherals
We are a dying brood of siblings
Superseded by imitation and the death of community
Magic lives in owl eyes and sits on benches at midnight
with only it's own voice to console itself when no one sees it

Sleepless. Sleeve-less
Mourning in the morning
Disorderly
Blistered and faded
Oh my god
Heavy breaths shallow
From the top of my ribs
Choked by your eyes
Sublimely wrapped up in
Your sunshine
You're awake
I'm sleeping
Dreaming for synthesis in
This dreaded night

"The best revenge is living well."
               - Dorothy Parker

I'm so far from where I've been
Words are only words not
Set in stone
Tomorrow will be better than
Today
Amounts to lies within habits
Hard to shake
One mistake becomes oceans
Of regret
Throwing it all away for one
Moment of peace
Some holy redemption
An immediate release
Promises I told myself
That were never kept
Lye the stones of my tower
High in disappointment
And that look you get
From someone who
Doesn't understand why
You push away their helping
Hands
To grow is to embody that
Betterment from those
Destructive impulses you
Draw with your mind
In the grey cement
I've told myself a thousand times
"I'm not perfect" how
That weighty reality
Becomes evident over
And over
To any freebird who wishes to
Wonder and die young
See the plane crash of their life
For others to mourn
Means nothing to nature
Who by nature is stern and
To those ghosts who died of
Exposure, hunger and
Malnourishment-
Do their footprints in the
Snow live on to anyone?
Was their life just a comet
That burned once upon a time
But now is gone?
To purify my intentions in
This life when I'm sometimes
So jaded by my maladies
Reinforcing habits that
Enable my demise
I could barely cross the street
I was so sketched by those passing
Eyes I would stare down at my feet
I'll try to beat all those instincts
Of not knowing whom to trust
Of being abandoned in the
Crippling dust
Of sinking inside most of my
Faults of
Never conceiving that I would
Get back up
And changing my mind when
The inspiration rusts
And choose to be simply
Happy for once
Smiling and laughing at
Myself
Belief that one day I'll be
A success and not succumbing
To all that pressure and stress
Instead of realizing
"This Isn't me"
I'll paint the picture of who I want
To be
My life is worth more than that
And where the univers guides me
Are the first gleaming steps
To salvation from all
My secrets and unrest
Being reborn from my ashes
I'll be the Phoenix
I'll take all my shame and
Plant it in the earthly soil
Where it will grow into a
Tree-
A resilient weeping willow

Distributed.
Broken pieces.
My soul unsheath'es;
Shattered pieces
Of glass around my home.
I'm alone, as always, torn
On brightened Wednesdays .
Pieces of him lingered: His cologne,
His scent now a meager
Descent.
I'm dazzled by his long-
Remembered brilliance!
Silent as an iguana, mismatched
In a broken melancholia.

I write,I write, I write!
I sing and smoke!
I sit by an ancient-like oak tree
And choke
On the thoughts In front of me.
I recklessly dabble within shameless ramblings,
Often-times taken in by the seemingly bitter, and
Bleak senselessness of it all...
Get all sunburned like a bruised peach
Under the Suns afternoon glaze,
While remaining content;
Content to be, and breathe,
But In the night I come undone, laughing and
Swaying,
Taking It all In!
Blinking mine eyes trying to remember faces
Upon faces above necks
Did I eat or wrest?
Some dementia soothed away
My exhaustion
And appetite
Vinyl-record like fun,
Images ever more expansive,
Brighter; more extreme
In thought and deed.
Journeying to edges unseen
In my mind sitting still,
But somehow racing on weary
Limbs; numb.
Do I become these thoughts?
Do they become Me?
Dim glow, soft through
A doorway, On suburban streets noticing
The lamps through the windows and curtains down
Echoes of beats and bruises;
On our way to a "get together";
The everyday
Woven through,
And inside out,
Of Infinity

Tickle my insides like
Someone did once
Manage to dust off that
Place I cannot touch
Tell me stories of your life
And memories
Unravel the tangled intricacies
That are within me
If I was more stable
More wise
I wouldn't feel like maybe there's
More behind those eyes
This game used to feel easy
But now I feel pressured by
Subjecting myself to exploitation
And exposure
What will become of that smile
I remember
I can't make someone stay no
Matter what I do
I'd rather be alone than you just
Passing through
Patience right now to guide me
To good sense
To clarity
To a semblance of safety in all
The risks
All of this feels like a test
And I break like glass
Entangled in the premise of
Fulfilling your wishes
But how do you defeat paralysis?
I'm not dumb as I act
I just have to push myself gently
Back onto track
I'm exploring the terrain
That is you
And if that's a mistake it's one
I repeatedly do
You got to jump without knowing where you'll fall
Falling I say is fun
So let's have a ball
Let's fill that space between us
**** all of this.
**** it all.