Bedecked with a halo of dreamy
Daffodils
Cooing Dracula from the windowsill
With legs outstretched
Sensless to feel precious
To someone you
Just met
Jagged fingernails tapping
On the back of my neck.
Lymph nodes rotting in
The sunshine with the
Whistles dripping down my
Boney spine
Cars crashing on Sunday afternoon
And the milkman is late
Head hung low in the steam room
As we evaporate.
Pieces in contrast thrown
Together in Frankenstein
Dimensions.
Taken apart like an insect upon
Inspection
From some schoolboy.
Try to string myself together
As my seams start to combust
To make myself over as
Someone who can trust
Sharp concoction of spider satin
Caused my sheen to waver
The skin has wrinkled and been
Discarded on the floor
Disheveled as some records in an
Old tin drawer.
Without passion
Lifeless to lie about the
Surrounding hypocrisy
Shatters the storm colored skies
The dark days trapped in
My ribcage
Breathing deeper so
Sunken in by the daybreaks
Careful gaze
Sinking deeper into the
Toll buses swollen chairs.
Blushes shaken awake
By the rues of
Translucent eyes
Alike the gleaming orb of the
Werewolf's demise.
Gawking into a
Crystal ball struggling to forsee
The oncoming chill of November
Why November?
Among the ****** empty spaces
Among the smosh pit parade as
If misplaced in fields of *****.

A parade downstairs and
you're not invited...
The stain of all things
cult status-
Sitting alone, in the woods
chain-smoking cigarettes

Like the senseless aftermath of a
battle ground...
Up at 5 A.M-
drinking by yourself when
everyone else is
passed out on couches...
beds...
floors...
And the peach sunlight starts to
pierce through the blinds....

Closing time-
mopping up spilled beer and
putting indigo earrings in
the lost and found...
The sleepy rolling credits
of a film and
exiting the pensive theatre...

Hours of images fleeting in your
peripherals...
Standing in an empty Time Square
devoid of car sirens and people...
All those faces you've met or the places you've been-
That abandoned bus stop at 5 A.M
It's a diatribe between now and
eternity

In my room about to
turn out the light and
as I shut my eyelids
I become aware of the riotous
laughter raging in the other room
hysterics and horns like it was
New Years right at that minute
and I'm all alone in the dark room
missing the commotion that will
become the subject of many stories
starting off as
"Remember that one time....?"

So I'm about 12
at my mother's Alamo-esque
apartment with a scarcity of
children my age about
and I'm staring out these
lace-dressed windows at the buildings
and mountains feeling like so
much is happening on this sun-soaked day
and I am still inside watching all the cars
race to places I was never invited
and all the motion I'll never sway to
with this rampant feeling of being
In the wrong place for destiny to strike
It was the wrong time to sneak onto
rooftops at early dusk to spy at
the streets below

In my dream I'm with faceless friends
some look almost familiar
and others features contort as
smoky personas' I somehow recognize
and I'll notice my shoe is tied or that I left
something behind so I
casually tell them to wait
but not one phantom stops
they keep walking with fading chatter
I can never remember
I'm left tying my vapor shoelaces
In a rush
with no hope of ever catching up

I would stare from the edge of my bed
watching the quiet of Charlotte Parkway
while all the neighborhood was sleeping and
I was wide awake
and In those twilight hours when
existence seemed dreamy
I sat on my back and wonder
Was I alive at all?
Was I disappearing...
My body fading into a shapeless mist?
Would I just slip through my bed
when the transfiguration took place and
through the carpet-floor then pass through
the cement basement into the ground
as an etheric substance to the core
of the Earth? Finally becoming
One with the lava turning in the
pits of the planet too far inside
for any soul to find.

I would walk suburban sidewalks
waiting for that mother-ship to comeback
waiting for angels bedecked In
star-freckled garments with fire
caressing their opaque limbs saying
"It is time to leave your old life behind"
Completely with their mind
No angels or aliens ever woke me up
In blinding lights or gusts of wind in
my room at night

Steep staircase to a long hallway
Pale curtains to open windows
Graze the air
All the way down to a narrow door
Waiting there
A door that lead to nowhere
Black void on the otherside
When you close your eyes before
Dreamtime
All I see are twinkling orbs akin
To the night sky
Blinking in this shadow room
Drops of water dripping down
I call out "hello"!?
Drip drip drip's the only sound
In this place that has no beginning
Or end
Suspended in space I call out
"Hello" again
And suddenly before my sight
Images glow in those orbs of light
That time my parents were in a fight
Screaming
Broken glass
My dad's arm was bleeding
That time I was trying to learn how
To ride a bike
I never got it down in spite
And the time I was bitten in the
Face by Warlock the choclate
Pitbull I'd almost erased from my
Memory
Those morbid night terrors I used to have-
I'm still afraid of the dark sometimes
There's the time shuffling down the sidewalk when I had decided I would runaway but my father found me later that day
That's me cutting my arm with a butcher knife when I decided in middle school I wanted to end my Life
I'm outside my body watching
Myself passed out at my own house
Party in high school
There's me knocking in the Neighbor's door barefoot
In the snow
Then the images melted and
Dissipated
I found myself
Wrought with secrets
Pieces of me untold to myself
Emotions resurfacing that I
Wasn't aware that I felt
Inside of me is this universe
As uncharted and vast as
The sea
These scribbles in notebooks are my
Legacy
So remember me
Remember me when you lye
Awake in the middle of the night
And the world's quiet and you're
Pondering the question of what
Life means
Your not alone.

Delirious foaming sips
Fidgeting for a cigarette
I look like a raging manic
Time to whistle the time away
With strategies of how I could have spent It better
( My time I mean)
Courting disaster
A youth breathing in angst
Working out the senseless semester
Of continuous mistakes
Sinking sailboat within the space of
Sea in the back of my mind
The bubbles pop like acid rain
And I've nothing tangible to soak
Up the stain
I've perpetrated my desires into
A crisp letter that I've labelled
With a sticker of a lark
Spun out on stress
Reliving the sickness
A gush of cough suppressed in
My chest
Vladimir Nabokov's "******"
Explains it the best
Contemplative in public places
With my thoughts hung like
Guitar basses
Riffs in my skull that whisper
How this phase is contagious
And I'm still the only one left of my
Peers with sweaty palms
And a sore throat
Dancing
High to a symphony of lyres
As I suddenly hit a sour note
This vast mountain road
Sliding back and forth on
Riding to a sense of home I've
Long ago forgotten
Is this tingle normal?
Is my preservation of self
Illegal?
Like that girl Lucy with
Cartier in the sky?
The leaves withered up long ago
Like dry grapes and I can't wait
Much longer in this combustible
Longing for
Someone's lies to shelter
In my soft direction
No use speaking about my
Indiscretions
Because no one ever listens till
I utter "I told you so"
I pour karma, dharma and nirvana
Into a tea cup
Finish the potion up
And start to loosen my joints
Poking along my skin in oddly
Sewn points
Walking through the doorway
From one world to another
To the waking screaming world
From a heavily dosed slumber
Seasons came and passed
Grains of sand caress the insides
Of an hourglass
Waiting for forever it seems
For some stranger I catch glimpses
Of in my dreams
Courses through my veins
As novocaine
After a bright vision solidified
In numb numbers as they said it would be
My blanket no longer fits me
As my feet stick out contorted
And my bleek sensation of safety
Seems to have become distorted
A calender left blank
I sit in a shackled ruin
I'm running on the brink
And no longer doing things
I thought knew me
Withdrawing from stings
Of the images in my fantasies

You'd said you try, try harder
The storms done and
The weather's warmer
We all get old sometime
It's a blessing in disguise
There was a crash when we
First met
A comet of brilliance
You say you'd like to start anew
From wayward shores to
Skies of blue
Blue
Blue ashen cigarettes in Cadillacs
When we're both down we cruise
Like bats
In your disease I found a lover
In your strawberry speech a
World of glamour
I have held your heart like it
Was a charm
I've grasped your hands and
Stroked your arms
And I'm aware of how you say?
Our reckless games and
Childish ways  of
How you're so wrapped up in the
Game
Of the fantasies that
Bloom in your brain
That I was apart of
I was your muse
I'm all used up and feeling bruised
But that's the pleasure paradox
Winter solstice to the Summer
Equinox
When you live for the thrills
It just may be caused by
The pain you hide-away
And maybe this is our plight
To jump from windows out
Into the night
You'd said you catch me if I fell
You said it wouldn't hurt at all
So this is where I'll leave
You now
With regrets of bad decisions
And wondering how
We're still afloat and
Getting through
Of how I'm still wrapped up
In you.

****
I'm covered in fears-
They are broken down in my bones
I fear I've lost someone
Not to be dramatic but the
Cataclysmic quakes in my
Ribcage beating like static say
Otherwise.
Maybe I'm more lost than I knew
Maybe I'm the one out of all
Of those who love you and out of
All of those who hate you that
Will hurt you the most
Maybe I'm not me right now
I'm someone else
But
Who were we on that silver
Night When we first met
Now I just feel like ****
I feel like I was breathed
In and spit back out
When nothing was real why didn't
We dance?
When everything turned we fell
Apart
At least what little likeability
I thought I had
And for a few moments everything
Was one
It all made sense at the end
Of my tongue
These words that **** the numb
Expression when my voice is too
Shaky to carry through ripples
But words are only words
( Or so someone told me.)
It was the best worst night
It's like
When you said you didn't care
About anything anymore
At first those declarations
Hung clear but later
Became much darker to my
Ears to hear you say
And it became the darkest
Early morning
I'll be you're guide
Through heaven and hell like
When I say "I do care"
Lead you through labyrinths
And the river Styx
Into the swarthy wings of
The cherubim's gate's
I do care.

Falling
Kaleidoscopic and feathery
The seasons brief stay
Feeling faith between
my ribs
pulsating like a lightbulb
hanging from a chain
Every time it changes the
foliage and the sky
If time stopped in stillness
then I'd have no quarrel with
the possibility of going insane
For an hour out of a day
when waves crashed my name
I'd make myself a palace from
the silence and the decay
Rapid fire in and out the door
There he goes
wayward traveler
Starving body and
content spirit under moonlight
catching colds to shake off
Because I really don't see what
other people do when I look
at me
Tired sighs
Green eyes
Mesmerized by pictures
of angels
Tethered skin
Weather beaten
Holding in a vision
I've been in mansions
with swimming pools
I've been in dingy
alley backrooms
And I still couldn't recognize
what I was reading
Oscillating around street lamps
and speaking in whistles
A fleeting sensation and
I can't trust the transition
I wish life was quite and
I could have met him
after the storm
Where does this start
In my head or in my heart
When does this grow from
something soft to something
sharp?
Verses resting on the wall
Prophecy
Clentched wrist
Crosses
Do I make the right decisions
Trembling jaw
All this theory in a blooming flower
Watching cars drive by
There's a mistress on the floor
Behind the locked screen door
And there's a picture on the
shelf of you with someone else
Coveted dreams of romance
without a promise of courtship

I'd make you mine...
If I could find the time...
I'd brush my teeth (cover my bruised knees)
and where something to please
you're lovely appetites
[Theme parks
and maybe some thrill rides
sunburn
when were out all day
beach-bums
days turn
and i'm wishing you won't spurn
me
Theme parks and maybe some thrill rides]
I'd scream "GO TEAM" at the game....
I'd put you're EX to shame...
I know I'm rough to tame
And although we feel the same
I still feel alone inside
Oh I'll bring you breakfast in bed
And act interested
(when you talked)
I'd make believe
Always was meant to be
Us for infinity
[Theme parks
and maybe some thrill rides
sunburn
when were out all day
beach-bums
days turn
and i'm wishing you won't spurn
me...
Theme parks, and maybe some thrill rides]
I know everyone's got to pay a bond to love you
(to love)
I see everybody says you're not meant to be alone
I know everyone's got to pay a bond to love you
(to love)
I said everybody sees you're not meant to be alone
[Theme parks, and may-be some thrill rides
sunburn
when we were out-all-day
beach-bums
days turn
and i'm wishing you won't spurn
me
Because the days burn
when i don't have you
to love me]

Black mood ring reflecting
A grizzly scene of hysteria's;
Madness swells and fills me up,
The senses scattering.  

Ludicrous, somewhat insane, and
True;  what's this collision
That speaks through you?
Bleeding incoherent babble
Has been making you anxious; no one
Can understand the happenstance of
A living breathing chaos.

The heights and depths don't freak me out!
Life on the edge's what life's about!
A problem bandaged
To a bed..
Drawn up as
A raving lunatic and
Imprisoned in your own mind.
Searching for something you couldn't find,
Endlessly...

They said
"Go get some wrest"
(Course sleep is for the dead)
"Don't you feel tired?"
(It's all in my head.)
Lingering by the window,
Dreaming.

The dark dungeons of
My psyche;
I always felt pushed into a corner,
In my soul,
I felt far away;
On some minuscule forgotten island,
Where the Sun is pale blue
And the Moon is clay.

I am a labyrinth with
Twists and turns
Endless corners of cobblestone
In this dark where
I'm comfortable
Where I lye
Vines reek of cigarettes and
Oranges
And at the center of my maze
Is a black hole that takes everything
Into it swallowing
Consuming
Leaving nothing
Scars on my fingers
Bruises on my legs
Where is the love in this destitute
Palace?

I found a really disturbed
Individual she looks
Like me
She looks like me

I can see black candlewax
Running down your back

I cannot afford the tea in
The gated community
Snow-covered mountains and
Foo dogs
Orbs in clawed paws
Through my static lids
Shaking the snow off my sleeves
Wiping the windshield
Swerving through the street
In a stupor

The real world looked good
On me
Pristine and polished but
It felt like I was living
Someone else's dream
So
I've forgone the Kool-Aid

I heard somber news just
Yesterday
I heard two young men had died
I called these men friends once
Upon a time
He had messaged me five days
Before
But we weren't the same people
Anymore
Strange how the faces you see
About you can dissipate and
Disappear
After every trial and tear a life
Simply ends
Without a great moment
Something vague and undefinable
Stories of how good and how caring
These guys were
And of how they will live on
Even though their smiles and
Bodies have drifted away and
Gone
Made me think of mortality
How one slid on an icy road could Change so much
Leave a baby without his father
What stays is the memory in
People's hearts they touched
But it could be tomorrow
Or any unexpected time
And I don't believe you would
Ever put their portraits or
Pictures away
Memories weren't meant to
Gather dust
Where do we go after we die?
That spark of energy that lit your
Eyes

Sirens in the sea
whispering sighs of pale moons
Seraphs in the skies and
the symptomatic melancholy
Tailor-made fascination with
the oblivious oneness
Like a music-box ballerina twirling
in rorschach splatters
Serenade cornucopia frizzled out
Lanterns descending from the
willow trees
Fox-colored
Stout arched neck
Drizzled drops of rain over our
windshield wiper conversations

It's snowing Flakes
On a Winter's eve;
The notes so still
And rough
It's indescribable melody.
Mysterious footprints,
I notice the coldness
Forces my bones to
Quiver;
It's haunting my memory.
Teeth jittering,
Dissolving like a child,
Aching for warmth;
Nights I cried alone-
Untouched inside,
Looking and lost
For a hearth.
It is haunting my memory.
Ruthless Moonbeams illuminate
My aching skin.
You're not home. And I don't have one and
There I realize I've become frozen.
(And I'm trying not to care.)
While a frostbitten symphony
Is hanging in the air.

I wonder
If I was at a party and
Our eyes locked as strangers
Would I keep on walking to
The window I was ashing my
Cigarette at?
To the table with the liquor
Placed on it?
To the music device I was
Tinkering with?
Never to second glance at your
Camouflage veneer?

A clown sad eyes
Make-up-smeared tears
Dripping down as he
Flashes his pearly whites
Smiling wide
He blows balloons and
Juggles too
He walks the high-tight rope
For your viewing-entertainment-
Value
The people love to laugh as he
Makes a mockery of himself
And he sometimes wishes he
Was someone else
Eternally doomed to always grin
As if his grotesquely sized shoes
Were attached to him
But no one ever asks him his name
At the state fair
Jaded jester jokes always
On him

Traces of constellations written in freckles on your back
A laugh like Judaism and a touch like loneliness
Can only explain it in pictures of black and white images
like a chemical combustion in frail snapshots
tethered hands all  weathered and rough
Misspoken masterpieces communicated through touch
So hard to contain this sensation
I can't explain through anything tangible
A cloud that changes shape upon inspection
Spectacles, our honors
gleaming like a trophy that's hidden in a box
left alone to rust
Miscellaneous hands grasped to chasms
moving so quick and fast
There's no lines attached to those burdens or
bodies crisp gloves cover up
Stretched or crunched
hovering like a light
above storms in the town square
Overblown posters with checkers
faded colors in Spring
advertising bands
that I won't listen too, fabric I'll never feel
noises I'll never have to speak over
or turn down on radios
Artichoke hearts stabbed by the fork
held by an animator choking on the root
This is the inheritance of sound
of presences on stages or garages
These oiled gemstones
blurred behind faceless statuesque
pieces of cold stone

Copper bees on earings
or wresting on flowers
smoking a cigarette, disheveled
outside the bar after hours
Maybe I've been selfish
and rushing like a manic
into many different spaces
all draped with potential
Just trying to find a light in
a very dark tumble
And the more I've become
aware of my cyclic mechanics
was where I felt hopeful
What is your dream like?
The less I fear I'll ever be content
He's like a quite lake a
mountain of sturdy grace
His buttons all in place
Sometimes I feel shapeless and
drifting
But he's an anchor in drizzled
mornings
I'm trying to find the gap
where God and I coalesce
It's hard to express
It's a titillating quiver
To make peace with the remnants
of a stranger
In my head
the voice still there
Memories of bee stings
from throwing rocks
at hives.

Tripping through the night
Street lamps glitter on snow-ladden
streets
Miscellaneous voices
Button up jackets and
candy cane stripes
Hold me tight then take
a bite of me
Swooning endlessly by frostbitten
trees
Whistling through the leaves
cruchy under my feet

I loved you dearly but we
Died just the same;
Glowing like a gloomy flame against
The salty breeze.
Felt myself disappearing as though
I was in love's sheath;
Soothing pale hands gripping my shoulders
When the tide moved close.
So obliged to suffer.
Just too broken to stray;
Hovering like bats over the cool waves

A cosmic mysticism glittering
Like a tunnel
Of violet light;
Whistling creatures in the trees
By wishing wells, casting spells
Throughout the night.
Soft chorus' echoing, crouching
Behind the leaves.
The blue-less madness of
Being trapped in limbo,
Endless whispers out-of sight,
Dreaming;
Befriending a serpent to outgrow woe.

Can artist's be beautiful, Frida Kahlo?
Can we be glorified not for our duty
as angelos, but for our
physicality?
Our fierce thighs
and not our mood swings, Lou Reed?
Painted canvas', strumming guitar strings
Prettified under the neon fixtures
We are more like the trench-coat souls
slipping away with tobacco pipes into
the night,
not golden, but starry-eyed off of laudanum potions
Is that simplistic Jack Kerouac?
To be dignified in wine stained ramblings
too large for one to comprehend alone
In snapshots or albums of Led Zeppelin

Did we curse the false idols while lacking sincerity?

Because we are only human beings and can't reach that state
No Buddha's have I gazed the face of in
hostels or busy streets,
neither in dens or marble coves
Saturated in meaning but an image
that dies in the dark
Is it ugly to find the fountain of immortality?
To have lived as a martyr
No one celebrated Van Gogh or
understood mania
It's in our nature to breathe meaning
into something spectral
some nothing you cant kiss on the mouth

If the sky falls down our throats
Maybe it wasn't our fault
It's blue whether you believe
In it or not
At some point I'll have to find my
Religion
The clerk said I left it on the shelf
Which I thought was misleading
After shooting it into myself
Phantom beings in your
Peripherals and talking to
The trees
Mistaking angels as
Rustling in the leaves
Potions to carry you through
Mornings of loosing your keys
Stepping in puddles and
Sliding on ice
Kissing those cherry-red
Eyes that perceive only nice

VW buses headed to Haight
and Ashbury
In San Francisco to
meet a man
We brought the acid to
expand our consciousness
that's what Tim Leary suggested
And you need to feed your head
like Jefferson Airplane said
Just go ask Alice
Yes we brought the psychedelics
and our bus is painted
in pastel peace signs and
purple Shiva's
We wove flowers in our braid
we ran barefoot
and climbed the trees
They said that the hippies are dead
but The Grateful has yet to
perform their last gig
love love love, man
it's our religion
R.I.P John Lennon
***** Warhol's banana and
Campbell's soup
But we miss Lou Reed and Nico too
Yes the summer of love was in 67'
and Woodstock was a muddy heaven
We watched every episode of Laugh-In
but it wasn't always sunshine and dandelions
like when a runaway overdoses
from ******
It was a wave no one remembers
but to everything there is a season
Freaks with beards at the drive-in
R.I.P Janis Joplin
We were all California Dreamin'
Jack Kerouac the dharma ***
was friends with Neal Cassady
the other-worldly monad
A time of innocence
a time of confidences
And so we are here bumming
cigarettes and joints
with talk about the Manson Family
and Sharon Tate
We are all here so come along
but in the meantime
I'd love to turn you on.

My nose is sniffing
Back air breezed nights to sleep while
My arm goes numb;
Numb as death!
Shake it off! Wake it up!
Making obeisance to my restless findings before
Leaving them at the pier.

No silence In my soul only
A yodeling, fierce as a bruise,
Sounding similar as drowning
Infants crying for help.
I'm so like an orphan...
Does he love me and
Is he certain?

Do my *****-soaking in ash-bitten dawns arise
From a need for pleasure..?
Or maybe-
Out of an endless hunger?
I remember feeling human,
But now I am magnified!
Saddened by life and
Its incoherent dribble in my skull.

Forgotten sigil's of peace
Or love or war,
Or that thing mistaken as peace or
Love or war: Desire!
Swelling till its
Broken glass In abdomens;
Liken it to freckled sunshine
Through blinds on drunken binge mornings
And I'm not so quiet...
( Not still yet...)

I'm racing around tracks in my
Wavering mind...
Like quicksilver.
I'm laid bare as bones on pedestals,
Memories juxtaposed; my lips trembling and
Saying words without comprehending...
Mechanical;
Not one conversation bringing comfort of mind to me.

Punching erosion's  into barren walls
Just to awaken a feeling
Of vitality-
That does not seem to exist anywhere;
That Isn't in anyplace I go!
I weep dewdrops of gardenia and  
Spew lost-caused visions before my time;
Misplaced as shadows in spring

I breathe....I whisper.....
Having secrets.
Volcanoes inflamed, dashing asunder
In his eyes!
(Which I can take-In like photographs-
Like Picasso paintings, almost. )
Gazing into my pain
Like a petal gathering rain;
Red-blue sirens In the drench'ed Earth.

I tried, I failed. But I
Still live and I still prevail!
Shot down In beguiling
Visions, (on tea leaves)
Lye's my mission; Unknown.
Felt like a wind on the curb where
We sit like a
Voice only I conceive of-
And its going to be all alright, I reckon after all.

My displays are astounding
I regress to an infants zeal
Because I hate everything around me
And need to tell you how I feel
Tell you things of sugar rain
And crystal  mines of lore
Cuddle my ribs with pure disdain
As my body washes to the shore
Hey man little village
Hey ya the leaves are brown
Hey man the trees are changing
Hey ya they're falling down
Symposiums with the fey are symptomatic of enchantment
(Or insanity)
Seeing beyond a day
Of desolute drudgery
The eyes in my head keep assuming I am dead
(Those whispers from the back of my head)
And the fear of living is the wound of
Re-living what another might have
Said.
Hey man little village
Hey ya the leaves are brown
Hey man the trees are changing
Hey ya they're falling down
Crickets outside are singing so
Sleepless nights feel less lonely
Cannot decipher which side of me
Is dreaming when I'm awake till
Early morning.
Hey man little village
Hey ya the leaves are brown
Hey man the trees are changing
Hey ya they're falling down.

My hand right there Isn't really there,
Seems like one with the air around me.
I swallow,
A lump of empty hits my heart hard.
I'm not in control;
"Control" feels like a lie.
Who am I?
Crying, sighing, sadness, madness,
Perception shifts, universal fits;
Can't escape disappearing,
In come creeping suicidal feelings.
Thoughts lost, wisdom tossed aside;
I pick at myself,
Suspicious of me.
Am I deceiving myself?
These impressions and sensations
Burn and cut me;
Just Leave me alone!!!
Sometimes I wonder..
Whom Is this being that Is speaking;
Is this me?
Save me from me.
Please?

Alpha and omega like a womb;
Visions and visages in kaleidoscope rooms...
Hanging on drapes of blue;
Impressive orbs of translucent hues...
Waves break in an
Eternal haste in time
As you float down into
Space and
Your tummy aches on
Seemingly misplaced dreams.
Dreams spewed together, in an internal river that shimmers
Like a dragonfly wing,
Like lava lamps and vintage photos, out of focus...
Or when the
Whispers disperse,
In the rain..
Reminiscent of bubbles floating,
Suspended,
Guided inklings and transparent meanings;
Reflections in mirrors or
On water,
In spoons or car windows...
An underbelly of inner kingdoms
Almost pillaged and buried by age;
Remaining only by hope or faith,
Like Camelot In its wake,
Only to glide to sleep
Where redemption sweeps in soft on swift heels.
Reminiscent of the rose bushes in that fairy tale Sleeping Beauty,
Where soldiers bodies were left to decay.

A palpable discord keeps me
turning all through the night
until the late rays of Sun
shine by again
I want a dreamcatcher
Feathery-spider web-
To keep my hypnagogic rest
sacred to me
And then I can wish
him closer...
Without a separating sea
I reserved my sleep to calmer
nights where my dainty ribs
caressed an incense-ridden
wind
My dreams are a shade
happier than me
I found my wrists
bedecked in fine jewelery
There's no chiming of antique
clocks in my sleepy
subconscious knots.
My eyes were not
corrosed over
so when he spoke I
comprehended
with crystal orbs
I'd hoped I find him through
disheveled bedsheets under
the waxing moon...
It illuminated my skin and sent me
soundly reveling in the hazy countenance
To me he's Elvis' love child
He's a wish fulfilled to me
I discovered an idol
I write letters,
coveted, held close
I worship what I
know of him
My thoughts are almost this
tangible-thing like a rope
I could grab and
make a knoose out of
perhaps it's time to slay
the golden bull
I struck his wayward glance
by some silver spring of snow
He's travelled to the ruins
of cathedrals with
chipped limestone on
the doors arched-shape...
darkness on the otherside...
Mother Mary follows,
walking through some threshold
hallway
Crooked stem, bent leaves...
A pruned up crackled rose
for me to eat
Those eyes...
dark brown, almond-shaped
Squinty with sparrow-feet
I'm waiting in the mountains
Clouds covering my eyes
Ocean blue in the stark sunshine
blinding me and enveloping me
when the music dies

Chrysanthemum
Weary, dressed in pearl
Old like a sea whale
Ancient.
Records of ancient cults
Missing you
Need to haunt me again
Indifferent to breaths and
Your
Heartbeating, pulses
Starlight bright night
Cooing me to second sight
A psychic without ties to
Mischievous spirits
Collected

I know I know I can get out of control,
But you handle it so well.
Catching stars in the rain and
Sneaking from cars parked in the lane.
Crouching under the roof then breathing-beating harder,
You would start sweating;
I'd tell you twice because you kept forgetting.
So so so loving every moment
(When I was holding you.)
When you'd say you cared,
I believed it was true.
I know I know I can get out of control,
But you handled it so well;
No resistance and I'm in
Sudden need of assistance,
I'm now seeking your affection.
(I have no time for reflection.)
Such a pretty picture
I cannot
Look away
Since I'd hoped, for forever, you were here to stay.
I know I know I can get out of control,
But you handle It so well.
Caught In some dream and in love with
How it seemed;
I truly believed I
could spend my life
with you.
I could see us together,
(And we were older)
Beseeching one another with memories
Of the times we smiled the most,
And I start to sigh.
I lye my dazzled head on your shoulder we are
Staring at each other;  I see you,
you see me and
I would start to cry.
I did love you you know
(At least I felt so)
Like we're hugging in the streets and
We were kissing in the snow.
(To our own beat, so
It is hard to let you go.)
And you held me
In your heart,
(Of that I am sure...)
Yet,
I couldn't make you stay;
You left me In the dark and
You've gone away.

{...A fallen angel still recalls when he had wings
And feels nostalgia for that place
People frequent in Dreams;
Tapping his knees with bruised purple knuckles
From punching in mirrors....}

Undercover adrenaline junkies riding
Roller-coasters and drifting cars;
Walking on ledges.
Heart-beating fast like drums,
And blood is pumping fast in veins
Like a hummingbird.

Surviving off nervous energy!
(Opposite of Morphine)
High speed,
Swift feet and
Twitching rolling fingers;
Running on sugar and caffeine!
Uppers that roar lion-like...

Then suddenly falling
From those ledges,
Crashing those cars and
Sleeping the day away....

That high elated surprise;
Trains moving on railways
Like drops of nectar in wide eyes.
You yell and scream, swirl then sing...
Dazed! Maddeningly drunk on adrenaline!

Flying like thunder-birds wasn't our deal..
We are humans sick with faults
Still
That chaos is calming,
That calamity nurturing, and
The mania resembles sounds,
Live!
Like orchestras!

Cigarettes
Like a lullabye
I knew you quick in
Distance
You were witty like Holmes
Wished you in me
A volcano in the stars
Oh my God
***** quick and possibly
Unrealistic to someone
******-sips like
Tea-time
And I'm gone
It's a mess
I'm not awake
I'm the wind speaking
To you in dreams
When YOU'RE awake in bed
She sings like the dove
I'm mesmerized in love
Or the conception of
Hearts on
Candy-cards
Delirious abandonment
Gone-disconfigured
Like a breeze
Free
Charcoal-niece in my sight
Pretty
Subdued
In disguise
Trust issues galore in
You

Speak your wondering mind;
Lost and untold,
Let us unwind the fractured fragments,
Belittled sensed and reconfigure'd, that
Lived there.
Comatose and disfigured,
In absinthe,
Like star shine in a beautified
Distilled ease;
Touched and caressed by the
Breeze;
Calming your disease(s)
Breathing peace, precious, like emeralds and
Opals.
A mind once misused; Now an
Ingenue, configuring sparks of delight, making
Tempered pain among the night. 
Stuck with strawberry's sight.
I sip on honeydew and pray
In my mind some
Lavish desires colored
Maroon (on fire); some
Sweet'nd mystical umpire calling my name and
Igniting my life aloud!
With proud, glistening oceans of
Dreams,
I am estranged;
Lost within a  living cruel
Misconception of
Fairy tales in my heart

Parked car headlights flash on
Driving down some road
Everything is white
And seems to glimmer
Reflecting back a pale moon
I drew a sigil in the snow as my hands
Started to dance
Dazbog coffee and
Cigarettes
Under a heat lamp
Spreading love in dissipated breaths
Moving in quakes
Sipping against the breeze
He was the man of my dreams like a
Basket of oranges
Illuminated reds, blues and browns
Along sunshine through the glass
Houses on the hills
Surrounded by daffodils

He was the man of my nightmares
Nervous when the phone rings
And when it doesn't
Singing devils to wrest in
My spirit and then
Stirring them to covert
Mechanics at turns
Tumbling as it were in
Between crossroads
One to paradise promised in
Modern fairy tales
The other to inherent destruction of
The self made malady
Knowing what it's like to find that
No matter where I go there's no
Peace of mind
What its like to hide
Somewhere dark
Because no one understands
They all seem like strangers
So many, too many strangers
Who was I five minutes ago
Those neon signs got under
My skin
You know you have to be careful
With wishful thinking
Strips of hair in the sink but your
Not there
But I'm not giving up
I've been down this road before

Am I changing my mind
Am I thinking of the greater good
A vague being that's moving in motions
aware of my own dread and lack of purpose
It's like I'm dissolved and shapeless
I've always wanted to learn French
I want to go to Canada and
leave the American dream to contort
Sleepy all the time
My crystal ball's so cloudy
Shedding into nothingness
It's like I'm disappearing
I can't articulate my emotions
I can't tell what I'm feeling
I'm staring through myself
a black hole in the mirror
Every thought ending in periods
thinking in absolution's

You speak like willow wise
Briefly about your dream
You had descended on spider
Satin to the
Land of the dead and remained
After eating a pomegranate
Seed.
Siren finned and black eyed
Combing your long silver locks
With the bone of a sailor
Who crashed upon the sea rocks
Now queen of the dead
A maiden once
Beloved kindred
We mourn like winter over our
Loss of your tender touch
We're a dismembered brood.
Spinning an old violin
Humming a music-box carol
Spinning pale blue spinning to
The oceans tune
Triumphantly swinging to
Eternal slumber in a sleepy
Melancholy
Chthonic mistress weaving hymns
For the dead
Lullabies for flickering-by souls
To march to in purgatory
Haunted carousel with thrones
Made of coral and seashell
Pleasing is your disguise
Fleeting like a butterfly
Over a frosted lake
Kissing the blue flowers
Wilting as they weep
Your dreams sound like
Christmas lights
Glazed Luna visions
Redeemer of the night
Guiding souls to caves
Gateways to the underworld
Bedecked in starshine
Howling from the entrance
Beseeching a worthy weight
To add to a library of ghosts
Wandering from the night
Jade necklace on a sinewy neck
Powdered-chalky scent in dew drop
Dusk
Absinthe spilled on a vanity set
An old China vase cracked at the
Spout
Halos of oleander
Eyes dilated
***** sips on a gentle decay
The shades block out the day
The paper lanterns shine luminous
Rays of lavender
Across lips curvaceous
And rosy
Cooing at each other with limbs
Dripped in nectar
From a divine waterfall
Outside a window a
Nocturnal wanderer on the street
Of stone carrying a lantern to mourn
His widow home

Is this our reality?
Never admitting to the faults of the dark corners
that makes the room of our existence?
Never speaking of the truth that is believed by each
soul to come with age?
Never being that light we so crave from another?
Can we stare at each-other for more than five seconds
In unadulterated silence?
Why does a brother disguised as a stranger seem
irrelevant to you and your experience?
No soul claims to know from some higher being
with perfect certainty the meaning in our life
like it's easy
No one knows why we die someday
or the answers to those questions
We keep talking, keep driving, keep moving
like mad people to a sense of normalcy
consumed in distraction
You know when I stare at the moon
she stares back and sees me In her pale light
as I am, as I was and how I will be
When will somebody stare at me like the moon does
when I'm under her?
I didn't laugh at this cosmic joke of being born
only to be sentenced to die someday
My purpose is vague in those little things
that cause hair loss and weight gain
My purpose seems obscure...
And that would be alright If I
had developed trust in this chaos
that appears so senseless
And tomorrow is just another day of
pretending I'm okay within this
shifting weather.
It's got to give sometime
I couldn't find it in the bible or in
spirituality and
I couldn't find it in the people surrounding me
I can't find it in the sky or glimpses of the galaxy
I search from place to place like a gypsy
for some solace of a place I can't find within me
Its like disassociation when you cannot feel the
water falling off your skin
And life is only a dream.  
I thought about the alpha and omega but
It hasn't thought of me
And now I'm left here writing of my
meanderings

I chased them away
all the would-be lovers
of mine
Jack's, Luke's, Dean's and David's
I'm left alone to read
by myself
but I can't focus on the words
re-reading sentences
I tear apart mirrors
and sit on bathtub floors
I wind up with a few more
bruises on my legs to count
bruises shaped like hearts
Weeks go by, It all rolls off
the bruises heal up
Then I let another amputate my
heart and the cycle repeats
itself
Running in the dark
I curse all their words
and hope I don't meet
some innocent with the same
name's
Jack's, Luke's, Dean's and Davids
I've chocked myself up
And dined alone
sitting in my black room
Making a semblance of peace
within stormy moods of gloom
I'm not floating but
I still have hope

Abandoned all over again.
Looks like a ghost town in my eyes.
Its a hard caplet to swallow;
For one who doesn't recall that sorrow.
I have been chocking on,
as long as I can remember
Its the cement I crouch on;
Its this quicksand around my ankles..
To my thighs...quicker...
At my throat...
What's this lie that pushes people to the brink?
I want life to get better ,concurrent with desiring to die
But. I believe.
There is love out there...somewhere.
I hope to find where it breathes and
where it sleeps.

This feeling that I'm a zombie
And my mind is burning down
It's like my cruise control is on
And I regret all I've become
Till I've turned my darkness into
Light
And all my sheets are bleached
White
Talking to myself when I'm alone
It's never quite enough I'm
Unconscious of all my blind-spots
I always feel like a restless one
When I've spoken all my cups
And I've dranken all my thoughts
Thinking about the past and
How it used to be
I still catch chills when I drive
Through the sleet and ice but
I smile anyway
Like a bruise that never heals
With more years under my feet
I've got this spark in the dark
And I'm not quitting what
I started though this life isn't
What I pictured-
Wasn't what I wanted it to be
No I'm not giving up I've
Got this spark in the dark
Destiny awaits to be defined
There are no set lines
It's all a state of mind

Your charms and potions work like a spell
I was lured In through your lair
By that star-blush glamour you wear so well
Caught in your web, falling for the
Enchantments and disguises.
Lethal love with ice
In pale veins, you
Took advantage of my fears and strains.
You calculated me to ponder In angst
While all I could figure
Was your face.
A destructive bliss and a horror so sweet;
Over and over like a vinyl on repeat.
Now I wont be here when your awake;
This time you can find some one else's
Heart to break. I'm going to
Leave without turning back and
I'll bet
As you lye alone, older
In the shadows,
You were not expecting that

Doomed sailboat
Unyielded to by the sea
Sprinkling a crystal trail of
Opaque-blue under the moonlight
Last I saw of it that night or
Anynight since.

In the middle of my mid-life crisis
Back and forth like a pendulum
Full moon iris'
I can taste a lingering type of sweet
I can smell the lead and
I'm loosened by the shapes like
Notes in a psychedelic symphony
Persian rugs on floors with patterns
That stretch in 3-D
A tiny drop of dew
From my forehead
Hanging like a whisper a
Shiver cold and true
Trickling down my forearm
Shaking sweating wide awake in
Bed
The strangers all left me
Clock chimes at midnight
Tip-toeing to rooms

Distillation.
Pieces.
Memory like ravens flight;
Unlike the said twinklings
Mesmerized by
Beings alone
And reconstructed;
Malificent

The stars sing subtle divine uttering's;
Truths glistening, breathing realities the naked
Ear can only understand in high pitch'ed waves.
Moonlight casting a charm
Over the bony limbs of
Coal colored trees
And the snow is cotton.
Its Christmas Night,
Alone, I bite my lips;
Sensing the presences of astral
Spirits.
Praying and wishing
Into matter the turning
Of a wheel of some Fortune.
Even foul luck is some kind of luck
Dreary day it was today, the
Wrest of the world shut out by clouds.
I wished I'd run into a friendly face and talk
That felt expensive among cordial greetings.
It's Christmas night,
Just like every other night.
(It's the thought that counts.)
Turning
Usually studied faces
To dribble, at lack of Kin
And Spirit.
Is it commercials and Lifetime specials
That awaken a barren-like swelling?
The world still revolves,
And tomorrow is a Promise.
Don't frown over spilled presents,
Enjoy this one while you can...

Since the dawn of submarines
Little caplets in the ocean
Communicating in echoes
Speaking in sparkle
Tethered coat draped across
My shoulders
Lymmerics about the sea
How the waves crash
The starfish along the tide
I've given up my day job to
Dance with sharks
To whistle in caves I've
Only seen through telescopes
Biting my lip
Eyes race to the
Passing billboards
Flicking cigarettes
Ashy cherries hit the road
I've given up on guardian angels
And knights with silver armour
The aliens aren't coming back to
Save me from my senseless
Migration
To towers galore
Bristles stung my feet up
From down on the floor
Precipice to feign release
Torches blaze
Millisecond I caught it
All disheveled and weary.
The starshine in your eyes
Like white koi finning by
Glimpses of time
Past. Present and future.
Moving in synch
All I can do is blink
Incoherently
The blue drops on my sweater
Cross stitches
Through the looking glass now
As the ferries pass by.

I met him one night in December...
close to Christmas Eve
When I walked in he had
candles lit and some
scotch for us to drink
His peepers are dark and squinty
His laugh is warm and lovely
His voice is satin spiked with honey
He drinks purple-graped-red-wine
He resembles Dionysos
Nature as a male
He works with cryptic messages
Amalgams and
his speach is a rainbow of
different languages
Could of sworn I've met this
man in some dreamy
distant place...
Palaces of concertos ringing
when I study his copper face
I had a restless wistfulness...
A particular soulful malnutrition
That eventually dissipated
in our bathtub conversation
I swear I would cross oceans
In the hope that we might
meet again
I understand he has a habit of
diving into fountains...
He dances with gypsies on
the street
Sometimes I fail to see how
someone as worldly as he
could like someone like me
I call when he runs by Vesuvius
I want his extra time
I always forget the 7 hour
time difference but...
when we talk it makes me smile

When I close my eyes
I see things.
I see flowers blossom in
my heart-mind
Fuchsias-
Incandescent hues
while walking passed
street lamps
Brilliant on my shoes
Universes surround me
in aquamarine-azules
Doorways to other planets...
hazy faces like photographs...
When I close my eyes I see
forrests and waterfalls in castles...
I covet memories of battles
in tarnished armor befriending
dragons