Having you, holding you
Teething you, loosing you
Like I knew I would
Beholded you, breathed you
Shaking you to notice me
Your scents gone but
Your voice lingers in the
Quiet of my room when
I'm alone.
My vision came true
I lost a piece of myself to you
And where you go it goes too
You're like my cat I can't
Replace and
I know I'll never know
The sensation of
You again only the dysphoria
Of your absence still...

The urge to merge to the
Source of power
This light
That joyfully encourages the
Flowers to grow
Earth's veins like the river flows
Greater than my guilt or
My insecurities
This light only believes in
What's beautiful in me
I tried so often to call it by name
And realized it lacking as if
No words could explain of what
I was conceiving
It's a what and a why
A mystery to sense at night
While trying to sleep

Should I consult my cards
Destiny-picked like guidance
From above
From the stars
If only life could be kind
And smile once awhile
I'm so sensitive like a glass
Container
And all my water is spilling over
I'm this opposite of a charmer
I have no honey for your ears
Only a truth that speaks in tears
And I've taken to a bottle
After spending my years
Concerned with the
Contemporary models
Society hath contrived my
Life should resemble
But I began to crumble
Not comprehending why
These systems have left me dry
Of passion
You tell me there is no magic
No God or consious to pray
To for a semblance of safety
My adult self is in purgatory
Somewhere between the mundane
And death
And I have an escalating self-
Hatred brewing from within
My chest
Don't you see what my generation
Inherited from the would-be
Saviors of the world had they not polluted it within wars of oil?
Don't you see it's a lie?
It's all corrupt and we're all
******?
Conspiracies paved by broken dreams that we aspired to since
We first watched T.V?
Surely history has taught us
Something: Loving
One another Is worth valuing.
It's like our ideals have flickered
Out and
It's something to mourn and
To be disappointed about
So I pray to the universe and
Hope we can save us
As we sit comfortably on
Our phones
Feeling this dazed sensation
That there's more to the equation
We don't know.

A clown sad eyes
Make-up-smeared tears
Dripping down as he
Flashes his pearly whites
Smiling wide
He blows balloons and
Juggles too
He walks the high-tight rope
For your viewing-entertainment-
Value
The people love to laugh as he
Makes a mockery of himself
And he sometimes wishes he
Was someone else
Eternally doomed to always grin
As if his grotesquely sized shoes
Were attached to him
But no one ever asks him his name
At the state fair
Jaded jester jokes always
On him

Lilac breezed wishing for Summer
In mid-chilly-November
My days are like nights there's
No sun in sight
Covered within clouds I
Must use the lamp-light to see
To write about the way these tender
Years twist so immensely
So sad these folk-dreams remain
Unexpressed blinking lost
Laughing at myself
Consumerism-laden land's rights
To passage seem so bleak
Tweaked till the semblance of
Peace settles in
My ribcage that holds
A bluebird tweeting
Unheard
Locked inside the
Absurdly rusted bar's
With all that hype I'm too
Hard-pressed to care you
Know I just
Want to be a freak with
Stars in my eyes and
Flowers in my hair.

This silly shrill putting
Clothes on hangers in my
Head
Judging me, myself by
Conceptions I should have long
Since shot dead
Either way the formalities
Leave you wasting time on
Trivialities
And my needs I cannot touch
I cannot grasp what sustains me much
It's like living up to someone's
Voice and the
Echoes linger still
That get mistranslated as the
Noise reverberates from the
Wall's of a well.
Such sounds I hear
And all this hot air
I'm just going to leave them there
To burn the floor down.

A forrest in my eyes
Soaking in the bathtub with
My hands clasped between
My thighs
Caring little to care a lot about
All those faces I forgot
This is me
In my moment
Believing that time stood still
Once
It caressed my cheeks and danced
When I sang
It made love to my brain
And I think of this orange train
Called Union Pacific
Such a nice name
Such a nice name