Steep staircase to a long hallway
Pale curtains to open windows
Graze the air
All the way down to a narrow door
Waiting there
A door that lead to nowhere
Black void on the otherside
When you close your eyes before
Dreamtime
All I see are twinkling orbs akin
To the night sky
Blinking in this shadow room
Drops of water dripping down
I call out "hello"!?
Drip drip drip's the only sound
In this place that has no beginning
Or end
Suspended in space I call out
"Hello" again
And suddenly before my sight
Images glow in those orbs of light
That time my parents were in a fight
Screaming
Broken glass
My dad's arm was bleeding
That time I was trying to learn how
To ride a bike
I never got it down in spite
And the time I was bitten in the
Face by Warlock the choclate
Pitbull I'd almost erased from my
Memory
Those morbid night terrors I used to have-
I'm still afraid of the dark sometimes
There's the time shuffling down the sidewalk when I had decided I would runaway but my father found me later that day
That's me cutting my arm with a butcher knife when I decided in middle school I wanted to end my Life
I'm outside my body watching
Myself passed out at my own house
Party in high school
There's me knocking in the Neighbor's door barefoot
In the snow
Then the images melted and
Dissipated
I found myself
Wrought with secrets
Pieces of me untold to myself
Emotions resurfacing that I
Wasn't aware that I felt
Inside of me is this universe
As uncharted and vast as
The sea
These scribbles in notebooks are my
Legacy
So remember me
Remember me when you lye
Awake in the middle of the night
And the world's quiet and you're
Pondering the question of what
Life means
Your not alone.

"The best revenge is living well."
               - Dorothy Parker

I'm so far from where I've been
Words are only words not
Set in stone
Tomorrow will be better than
Today
Amounts to lies within habits
Hard to shake
One mistake becomes oceans
Of regret
Throwing it all away for one
Moment of peace
Some holy redemption
An immediate release
Promises I told myself
That were never kept
Lye the stones of my tower
High in disappointment
And that look you get
From someone who
Doesn't understand why
You push away their helping
Hands
To grow is to embody that
Betterment from those
Destructive impulses you
Draw with your mind
In the grey cement
I've told myself a thousand times
"I'm not perfect" how
That weighty reality
Becomes evident over
And over
To any freebird who wishes to
Wonder and die young
See the plane crash of their life
For others to mourn
Means nothing to nature
Who by nature is stern and
To those ghosts who died of
Exposure, hunger and
Malnourishment-
Do their footprints in the
Snow live on to anyone?
Was their life just a comet
That burned once upon a time
But now is gone?
To purify my intentions in
This life when I'm sometimes
So jaded by my maladies
Reinforcing habits that
Enable my demise
I could barely cross the street
I was so sketched by those passing
Eyes I would stare down at my feet
I'll try to beat all those instincts
Of not knowing whom to trust
Of being abandoned in the
Crippling dust
Of sinking inside most of my
Faults of
Never conceiving that I would
Get back up
And changing my mind when
The inspiration rusts
And choose to be simply
Happy for once
Smiling and laughing at
Myself
Belief that one day I'll be
A success and not succumbing
To all that pressure and stress
Instead of realizing
"This Isn't me"
I'll paint the picture of who I want
To be
My life is worth more than that
And where the univers guides me
Are the first gleaming steps
To salvation from all
My secrets and unrest
Being reborn from my ashes
I'll be the Phoenix
I'll take all my shame and
Plant it in the earthly soil
Where it will grow into a
Tree-
A resilient weeping willow

This barren street at night
       Dust storms
Picking up the Autumn leaves
In cyclones
Decorations lingering
Halloween ghost
Hanging from a tree
The sensation of a witch
Being born at every
Hit of my cigarette
Wondering why more
   Other lost souls
Are not outside smoking
Cigarettes shaking in hoodies
That are too large
For them
Trying to solve this universe

Digging underground
Found the diamond
Lost
In the crowd
Soundly speaking on the floor
Beaten badly wanting more
Bruises
Delirious about the uselessness
Of therapy and Sunday classes
By the masses
Childhood memories of running
On a beach
Sand between my toes
Mechanics strange and
Wired like gadgets
Tickets on trains to seafoam
Shores when
December comes
Beguiling smirk
Gazing like a toddler in wonder
At the said shutters of others
Maybe in split-screens with
Vivid color
The lackluster utterings die
At the sight
Cat-eyed and wild
Sighing like a child at coarse
Trivial arrivals of those
Suicidal yearnings resurfaced by
Days-break
Dysfigured in space as shapeless
As the speech that defined it
Butterfly darlings my
Coat flowing on the windless air
As a cocoon I'm enveloped in
Bed by many toppled books to
Beseech in disparity at all the
Shared pairs I erased
Like tickled bruises all sunken and
Hopeless in keeping up with
The moment
Gloves stitched
Kerosene patched dribbled
Against sunscreen
Tired-awake unable to sleep
Fascinated with miracles and the
Shadows in sight
Dismissed while in a crisis that
Felt steep in the night of one's
Soul
A tourniquet strapped around
My elbow in the cold snow
What's the criteria for the
Mentally unsuitable
We are preachers, poets, wives
With ribbons in our hair
Cradled in hate
Dissipated softly only to
Awaken with grim morning
After morning
Dark-days of chaos-tripping
Laid flat on my stomach-ache
Removed by time like an
Hourglass state of mind
Written on my *******
Glamorous sheen caught deep
Within the recessions of my
Brain
Unseen and I imagine
I am that firefly caught in the
Glass container
Blue as lapis lazuli
Blue as the livor mortis after
Suffocating

What to write
Whom to think about?
Tommorow becomes today like
Pieces of clay awaiting to be
Played with
I've sunken in my third eye
I've forgotten about my day job
Silence speaks
The keeper of secrets seems to
Sleep
I've done more through my slumber
Than any wide-eyed-far-off-dreamer
I've stolen the sacred keys and
Felt the whole-hearted heaviness
Of belonging to someone
Many someone's
Times seem to creak
As old floors in
Even older housing
Like an ancient breeze
Breathed to life
By keeps
Having a one and only to
Seep through my dreary
Eyes
Tonight's my last night on
Earth
What does one do?
Whom to confide to?
To be amused in frankincense
And lavender
A dew drop on rose petals
Awakened by the settled air
Growing wiser
Breeded by violence
Along a moonscapes splendor
But it's now November
Tides washed over my memory
I'm misplaced in time
And space
Is this all I can utter?
No resounded calls of wonder?
All I've seen
All I've met
All I've loved
All I've hated
All I wished for
All I've  felt
All I've escaped from
All I've dealt
Was I just a vision that grew up?
Learned to wash the dishes and
Lessened the cigarettes I've smoked
The mediocrity as gleam'ed as
The moonshine
Caught in the back of my throat
A longing for the Neverland of
Alice's talking flora

Cigarettes
Like a lullabye
I knew you quick in
Distance
You were witty like Holmes
Wished you in me
A volcano in the stars
Oh my God
***** quick and possibly
Unrealistic to someone
******-sips like
Tea-time
And I'm gone
It's a mess
I'm not awake
I'm the wind speaking
To you in dreams
When YOU'RE awake in bed
She sings like the dove
I'm mesmerized in love
Or the conception of
Hearts on
Candy-cards
Delirious abandonment
Gone-disconfigured
Like a breeze
Free
Charcoal-niece in my sight
Pretty
Subdued
In disguise
Trust issues galore in
You

Chrysanthemum
Weary, dressed in pearl
Old like a sea whale
Ancient.
Records of ancient cults
Missing you
Need to haunt me again
Indifferent to breaths and
Your
Heartbeating, pulses
Starlight bright night
Cooing me to second sight
A psychic without ties to
Mischievous spirits
Collected