01/07/2020
we’re in an immense pattern of
contreversies and conspiracy theories;
we’re part of the reincarnation of scattered souls
from million years ago;
long live the walls we crashed through and the unending battles we chose to fight—
just to be part of something,
like dense clouds of gas and dust that turn into stars in the night.
just to get close to that absolute truth—  that absolute nirvana,
& finally still hoping that our metaphysical state lasts a light year to make up for those excruciating pain felt & vast emotions that striked our core when we choose to capitulate our soul temporarily to those whom we think meant the world to us.

e.e

12/21/2019
11:25am

maybe it's the way your eyes close and the way you snore in your sleep.
maybe it's how you light up talking about things you're most passionate about.
maybe it's the way you laugh or the way you make me laugh (a lot).
maybe it's the way you kiss me and how everything suddenly appears to make sense.
maybe it's because of your big heart and how you seem to genuinely care for people.
maybe it's the way you hold me closer after a bad dream until I fall back to sleep.
maybe it's the way you assure me and squeeze my hand whenever I'm anxious.




maybe it's how you make me win arguments & tekken just so you could see me smile.
maybe it's the way we connect even in the smallest of things.
But, maybe it's a whole lot more on the way you just exist. Beside me or away from me.
I seem to find myself falling further and deeper for you as the days go by and I promise, love, I can't wait to know the rest of you as I continuously immerse myself in that beautiful universe of yours because I can never seem to get enough of you. I love you.

e.e

12/05/2019

To be bare and completely
vulnerable—that’s the best part.
It's 12pm and here I am watching you sleep;
I trace my fingers on your skin as I try to memorize parts of you and connecting them as if I were to align them with mine.
I try to synchronize my breathing with yours while I brush my lips on yours in the process.
I try to look at you a bit more and thought about the people who broke your heart and how they made it bleed. I thought about the people who broke mine too.
I thought about how high we’ve built our walls and how each brick of broken promises pave the way to our being to believe a certain way.
I thought about how it wasn’t their fault just like how it wasn’t in our stars. They were predetermined eras in our life and not just a collection of random chaos because it allowed us to stumble into each other under a series of small coincidences.

—e.e

You were my sunshine in the rain, my summer paradise, the drop in the ocean but boy you were also the storm, the tornado and everything in between. You're the screaming voice in my gut and the pounding in my head. You weren't gentle with me because you wanted that loud-drop-the-bass-kind of love. It infuriates me because you never even asked if I prefer a lousy acoustic guitar cover. You just had to ruin it by pretending I was deaf and mute. I was so tired of hearing the same kind of music that it made me want to run away. I was so tired of my ears getting hurt by the same chords and tune. I wanted a different type of genre. Something that brings peace to my soul and at the same time something that makes me want to lose my mind. The type of genre that takes me to places and doesn't hurt me in the process. Something that has songs that never makes me forget the love that I feel.

I remember the days when you sang for me, I felt like I was on cloud 9. The first time you actually sang to me,  your heart spoke to mine in melodies that don't exist. We had that secret kind of love song. But I hated it in every way. I didn't like it one bit. I wanted to tell people you're mine. I wanted to walk you in the streets and kiss you as if my life depended on it. But that didn't happen... What happened was i thought you were the prince who would save me from my distress, I really thought you would be the one who would save me from my misery, but not.. I was already drowning when you found me and now that you're gone, I'm still on the same **** place listening to the same kind of **** music thinking and contemplating where and when it went wrong. The first time I met you, I was so sure that we were on the same key- not realizing that I was out of tune... That I was on a different key, singing another song in my head. It took me nine months to realize that. I'm sorry if I didn't tell you earlier.. that it took so long for me to confess about how I wanted a different kind of music. Making it with you seem to require a lot of effort and you know **** well that I'm the laziest. Nevertheless, i wanted to make music without even trying. That every time we'd rehearse a song, we'll just be laughing like some care-free kids dancing in the rain. I want to write those songs without having to think about others.. I just want us to get lost in it. Hold my hand the whole time so you'll know. I might get shivers and you might ask me what's wrong, I'll tell you to forget it and then you would get it off me and would start to tickle me until it hurts. Finally, I'll tell you then you'll look at me with love in your eyes and I won't be able to look at you. I'll be shy, then I will try to escape to hide my blush. But I know that's not gonna happen, we're in a painful version of reality- a reality that doesn't exist in my imagination. My heart is still hurting after all this time from all the pain you have caused but I know this is all temporary.. I know that this is all part of the process. I know I have made my fair share of mistakes so I'm not going to blame all of this on you. This is just the harsh truth of reality. You might not be what I need for the time being but I'll let you go. Maybe sometime in the future we'll be able to write again another song....

You're a different dimension— a different world.
You're a broken poetry with a background sound of an Arctic Monkeys song. You're of paramount importance to the universe of broken hearts, shining, wishing stars, and the theory of how waves collided. You have no idea how the sound of your laughter could awaken all the dead bodies buried a hundred feet below. You have the brightest smile, comparing it to the moon at night. Your big heart matches the way I feel about the bright lights and tall skyscrapers of New York City— infinite. They make me feel infinite. Just like my favorite Van Gogh painting, you make my heart sing. You make my heart feel alive and make me want to live for so long that I would meet those people who would go to ancient libraries a thousand and one years from now; they would read about the love like no other and gush about how it was everything that they would ever want. You are all that they would ever want.

—e.e

I want to write about broken hearts. Their capability to make bright eyes sink and how a sunny summer day could feel like a cold winter night. Though we have coming things, aspirations, dreams for the world, but the inifinite sensation of crippling anxiety takes in, and again— you’re lost. Back to zero. As if you did not make the initiative to sew all the broken pieces of yourself back together. Some days, we’ll just have to let our heart pound, feel our legs burn, and run. See all those people knocking on doors and trying to embrace new chances, while others letting the waves crash against their legs until they let the water finally envelope them. The heart is such a complex thing, really. But again, everything can be healed; By the little things like listenting to an acoustic cover of your favorite song or the hand intertwined with yours as you let all the tears fall. Without you knowing, your heart— that is as big as my universe and your eyes— that resembles the brightest star, could be healed and loved back to life.

—e.e

unravel me—
all my twisted, knitted thoughts.
whenever I’m with you,
time always seems paused,
and u make me feel unafraid of the next dawn.

I want to read my favorite book to you;
get hitched to the shadow in your eyes,
as we forgive each other’s demons.
I want to trace my fingers on your skin as I create constellations
and finally
place my lips on where it hurts.

I want to articulate better
and not call this magic.
I want to tell you how you make me feel things.
Strange things.
Things, I thought I wasn’t capable of feeling.

There are about a billion stories this world has to share and about a billion more of faces we haven’t met, but, all I want now, is experience all the chaos and calm that this brings and just gravitate even more to that universe of yours.

—e.e