She's three today.
You're sitting in a concrete tomb.
Should haves, could haves and I wills won't replace time. She's three and she loves her mom.
And you're gone.
"I love you all heart daddy." Or " I wanna nuggle you daddy." When the needle hit, was it those words that pierced your viens?
Maybe the images of her and baby brother, like when you used to read them books and take baths with them. Are those the images you were trying to burn when the flame hit that tinfoil?
How about that smile?  That precious ****** smile that stretched from ear to ear when you occasionally walked through the door. Is that what pushed you to abandon your life for that *****?
What about your girl? Was it her caring too much? Loving too much? Her having your back after you would constantly **** her over? Was everything just too good for you?
I hope the worth adds up. And I hope the foods real good and those boys are real nice, because God ******, she turned three today.

You're image is burnt into everything, everywhere. I see the pure brown circles of everything right and true. Up, that is where I look to find your eyes. Your ever so spellbinding eyes.
I go to Pandora, put on 'everything is okay' radio. Your voice melts my heart. I devour the words right from your mouth. You're from Jersey but that **** country accent pulls the trigger.
The touch of your body is the deadliest sin, the deep sunset over the disappearing horizon. The smell of the air on the thawing spring morning. You're everything I'm not and that's your advance.
You're a riddle. A read between the lines kinda person. You're black ice. You're a killer without warning. A maniac of your own device.
My heart is torn right through my chest. You make beautiful masterpieces from my blood and leave my useless corpse for the relentless lost dying to be found.
You show me everything I want and everything I can never have. You. You are a tug of war rope. I am either ends while you play with my head. I pull for what I want and I pull for I can have. And you laugh. And you grin.
You are everything I want and everything I can not have. You are so good, but you are everything that is so bad. You are an angel sent from the pits of hell, and I'm just looking for a good person to be bad with.

Maybe,
If I do enough to disguise myself
While I am here,
Nobody will actually notice
When I'm gone..

Is the soul so empty that we need that of another to fill what we lack?
  Or do we simply have so much to offer that we feel the need to share that with someone who has not?
  It is a mysterious thing, our soul.
  Like the depths of the unknown ocean.
  Hiding things that have been forever here, that we search for but may never find.
  We spend our present time on a journey looking for what we think may complete us.
  Searching for a puzzle piece with an unknown shape, unknown colors and unknown location.
  But we know it is somewhere,
  So we continue on.
  Trying to find a puzzle piece, yet we are not sure.
  Not sure if it a piece that we are looking for, or an opening for our piece to complete.
  But we continue and will forever,
  Because we know there is something that will fulfill our unfinished journey.
  We just don't know what it is until we find it, or it finds us.

I'm sure if I tried, I could make it through.
But it doesn't always appear that each day is new.
More often than not, the days blend to one,
Seeing no difference between the moon and the sun.
Waking up is a surprise,  when I don't recall falling asleep.
Why end it now, when I'm in so deep?
I know that I'm here and I'll leave my mark,
But there's not much I can do, working in the dark.
I should be happy, I should live in the now.
Sometimes I feel like I just don't know how.  
Being happy within guidelines doesn't seem like much fun,
So until I live free, I think that I'm done.

We are told to believe that in which we can not see.
They tell us that the earth is round and that there is a man in the clouds.
And we take their word, reluctant or willing.
The thought of being lied to is just so chilling.
You must have faith, no questions asked.
Well I'm sorry sir, but I see that grin behind your mask.
We need faith in ourselves.
The kind that you find within your soul and your mind.
Today is today, who knows about tomorrow? You don't know who's leading,
But surely you follow.
Because they are and she is and who wants to be different?
Yeah they might shine, but look kid, you glisten.
Like the diamonds and gems we feel the need to buy,
But they'll never outdo the starts in the sky.
Which we now also buy,
Because the words from your heart aren't worth the time.
Until you make them rhyme and now they're changing lives.
We're living in a fantasy, like our own little cave.
But trust me when I tell you, everyone's scared before they are brave.

You broke me.
And you still have some pieces.
Important pieces.
I would like them back.
But I want you to help me put them where they belong..

Give it a chance,
          That's what they say.
It really can't hurt,
   Come on kid, let's play.
          You've not much to lose,
Look what you could win.
   Pour out your pride,
          Place it here in this bin.
Now come on take these dice,
    Give a blow, then a roll.
          Looks like you're a beginner,
Landed right in the hole.
    Yes I see that you're stuck,
          But I can't help you out.
The games rigged you say?
    Why yes, without a doubt.
          My time here is limited,
I have places to be.
    No redo's kid,
          This game isn't free.

From the time that I wake up, until the time I go to bed, I find myself in a constant debate with things I'll never do and words that are never said.
  The sun beams through the window at an unforgiving hour. This coma is getting harder to wake up from. The dead weight I've been carrying around is starting to show its wear. My energy has finally built to abandon this burial hole of a bed, but the day has already gone and went.
  Am I stuck? I mean that's the only explanation that agrees with me. I'm drowning as I watch the life around me thriving. In fact, I think life is mocking me. But all is well, for my room is clean. My annex is clean. My room is clean.
  Who am I kidding? The annex in which I call my room is clean enough now that the next couple of days are fine. The next couple days that I will spend here. With myself. Or at least I wish it was myself.
  I may be escaping people, but my mind is worse than people. My thoughts hate me, they tell me everyday. And I just want quiet. No thought, no lies, no problems...just quiet. But I sit here stuck. Stuck with what wasn't,  what isn't and what won't ever be.

The sweet scent of honey suckles amongst the moist summer air.
The sun is fading, slowly becoming one with the water, releasing colors that touch the soul.
From fields of the softest lavender, to the pink in her cheeks when you tell her she's beautiful, to the Reds and oranges of the flame you used to the light the candles when she told you that you were the one.
The warm breeze that gently caresses the surface of your skin.
The small orbs of light that dance along the shoreline just as the sun says it's last goodbyes.
A slowed down walk along the worn wooden boards that tell you it's okay to take a munite and breathe.
A simple munite to just appreciate, as all those who also appreciate.
Like the new found lovers looking for something that says I'll be yours if you'll be mine.
Or the old lovers who who've found a place that says I still remember why you're the one.
A place for the lonely hearts that need a place to feel and to heal.
And a place for the folks who find happiness in that of what others simply look past.
A little place that you kind of just stumble upon, like on of those days when you feel as if you've lost yourself completely.
So you just go.
And than you find it.
A small town where nothing and everything happens.
Where you can go when you're lost and leave feeling as if everything just makes sense.

The fog is building
      Shrouding my mind
   I can feel it squeezing it's was through the open crevasses of my blank thoughts
Pushing and prying
      The numbness intensifying
         My insides are dying
           Outside I'm crying
              It looks all too familiar
            Red flags rise
           My presence isn't welcomed
         Escape is but a religion
       So I pray
         To relieve me from my stay
            But I know I'll be back again some
              day.

You're tearing me apart.
Poking and prodding at my microscopic sense of sanity.
You break me down , but make me feel so high.
You bring out my smile, but make me want to cry.
I'm lost.
But I'm lost in you.
Your voice leaves me dumbfounded.
All I am is ready to blow,
And only you can reconnect the displaced shrapnel from my heart.
It doesn't make sense.
You made me, and just as easily broke me.
Why am I thirsting for more?
The mind is a weird thing, the way it works.
I hate you.
I hate you with a fiery passion, one just enough to keep me warm in this unbearable cold.
You ruined me, so now I'm asking you to undo the damage.

None are more hopelessly enslaved than those who falsely believe they are free.
       ~John Wolfgang von Goethe

Your lips infiltrate my soul.
Your breath on my neck, hands on my waist.
It's taking a toll.
Not one thing makes sense, nothing at all.
I'm a bit dazed from that impacting fall.
You make all of my imperfections into something so flawless.
You take the words from my mouth,
I couldn't have said less.
And I couldn't have said more,
when my eyes caught yours.
Your body caressing mine like the waves on the shore.
Your passion is fire,
your love is demanding.
Just a little bit longer,  
that's all that I'm asking.