bluevelvet

bluevelvet Nov 2017

Untitled

If anything awkwardness
Is an attractive attribute
A lot of people find enduring

And I am awkward,
A social pariah
I stutter and hardly make eye contact

I run my hands through my hair,
Bite the skin from my lip
Trip over what I mean when I speak
And over thin air

I am awkward
I am me

bluevelvet Nov 2017

Untitled

I can feel my bones better
And I know what you're thinking, Tommy,

Why would I try to stay relevant?
The question is
When did I ever become basic

Because it's a hard life to live
Wanting someone to come out
Of the woodwork to show me they care

When it's easier to pop open
Cold ones to point a gun finger
To my head and say,
"Here I am"

And I am broken,
Like cool ranch chips under your feet
I am dying to be gone

I want to matter to someone

Be fine china in their arms,
Delicate and a daydream
To be a wonderland for their mind
And a restlessness in their heart

But I'll keep counting cans
While throwing up,
It was never easy destroying everything
Because I wasn't good enough

Count the spaces in between,
It's simple as one, two, three
I hate everything about me
And it's clear to see

But
Here
I
Am

bluevelvet Nov 2017

Black

I want to swim
Like a dolphin in your veins,

Make laps through
Each fold of your brain,

Take time to travel to your heart
Where nothing would ever be the same

She said I'm such a child
But she wasn't right

I think it's funny how
People look similar in certain light

Maybe if I never made those mistakes
I could have known who you really are,

Spend this life with you
As my very own personal star

But you owe me nothing,
I wish I could go back

Turn this heart into fire
Now it's just black

And I don't even know you
But I have a feeling I do
Because I think that was you

bluevelvet Nov 2017

Jump

Captain America
And taking jumps,
Popping pens
While I pop more drinks

You think you're clever
And you are,
You think you're better
But you're not

Stealing time and wasting
This precious life
On a guy who doesn't care
You can be IT,
Clean your fingernails

You think you're clever
And you are,
You think you're better
But you're not

The roles change
And you beat me at my game,
The roles changed but
I found my own way
Drink beer with your friends
And play your card games
You're just another level
In this video to tame

My hands are tied
But I smile like I'm fine,
Each boy is just the same
And doesn't see past my infamous fame
Play the same game
And I will keep counting each carcass
While listening to Calivin Harris

You think you're clever
But you weren't,
You think you're better
But we're on the same level

bluevelvet Nov 2017

Stone

You see me standing
But it's a struggle
Addictions and never enough

You see me down
I'm always willing to help out
For those alone

Between the remembering of having had
A small guy with big dreams,
Self worth demolished
By a cousin who can't see your worth

A pasture so clean
He doesn't even know me
But that look says otherwise

A boy who tried so hard,
Used him up
To drain him dry

Have you felt the pain of
Stone on your palms,
Hitting hard and ***** acid
Infecting the bleeding cuts?

If I eat less and become more
Would I be enough?
Cool like ranch,
I live in the winter of my life

Skinny is where it's at

You too know me,
You wanted me
Maybe a friend of my brother,
Maybe a laugher in the lab

You know me
Past this cold stone

bluevelvet Nov 2017

Untitled

It must feel nice
To feel like you have the
Complexion of God or karma

Cover your face,
I have a secret to spare
I'm broken in the ugliest of ways
And your jokes or attempts at being clever,
It passes by me

You can't touch what's not there,
You can't punch the feeling
When it's hallowed out
Only comes alive for a guy I'll never know,
The kind that moved on

The questioning pinning,
The drama of it all
It's for the birds

He doesn't think of me
But I know he's out there
He doesn't see me anymore
But I dream of a figure that still cares