Another tally under
Everything I Do Wrong
If numbers are truly limitless
I can keep this up
My body is even reacting the same way
As last time
And I want to laugh and cry
But mainly I just want to die
I want to die so bad that
I can taste it behind the alcohol
I don't want to cry anymore
I don't want to laugh and joke around
I don't want to feel the ache in my body
I want everything to be still,
I want to feel peace
I am drowning by no one but myself
Will there ever be a light?
Will there ever be another way,
Another person to come along and just...
Care?
Care without having to already,
Care and see that I am ******* rotted out,
Dying and barely holding on?
Will they tell me I deserve so much better?
Will they show me Im finally not alone?
Im so ready to drive straight through a curve,
To not hear the car coming
Im ready for something else
Something that isn't here

Who am I?
I am the abandoned building
along the vacant street
I am the whirlwind in a storm
of regret and intoxication
I am the calm of a hushed whisper,
The goose bumps and raised hair
I am a nurturing stigma,
The thing good enough to
Never really be enough
I am the bite of a plump lip,
The shared dreams on leather seats
I am the crying in the dead of night
because you want it to be over but
you just *know when it's gone,
you will have nothing left
I am the drug of choice,
The brown liquid to wash it down
The shake of hands you blame on nerves
I am the elephant in the room,
Do you remember me?
Take a minute from rubbing the salt in,
Do you see me? Do you hear me?
Family, blood..it's never been enough.
I strive to matter to someone that isn't obligated to care
I dream of bus rides and religion
While mourn the boy I made feel wasn't enough
But he was the one to say it back.
Third time's the charm,
And if it doesn't happen it wasn't meant to be
Take a minute from his busy life,
Does he remember the way I cared?
He doesn't want the best for me
No one could conceive the possibility
To ever believe that
If it wasn't meant to be,
Just know,
I will always love you

Oldest of old friends,
You were supposed to stick around
Until the very end
Even if I wasn't the one
You were supposed to share
The happiness you won
The good times and
Remembering the things I used to be
Old friend,
How is everything treating you
Since I wasn't the one?
Ghost and regrets tug
At my heart strings but
You were always the one
Dearest friend,
Didn't I tell you?
I ruin everything

It's just a coincidence my father
Pointed out styrofoam,
And I have no one to trust
It's just a coincidence my father
Loses track of keys in the way
I find everything because I'm observant
It's not a coincidence that I
Wonder of people that give absolutely
Not one ounce of care for me
All these noises in my streets,
I overshadowed the possibility
The only thing I should ever fear
Is myself

You get what you give
Especially when it's one of their own
But look at me, mama
Defying the not possible
To the right, vacancy up and down
Behind there is nothing to be found
Forward is cloudy like vapor,
Nothing to hold onto
Look to the--oh my,
That snowball is growing
Unlike essential things
had to get that joke out of the way
Hows the sunny life turning out?
I never understood the way he looked at me,
The way he acted
You know, before I ****** up everything
I put so much thought in thinking he was a possibility,
Because he used to act nervous too
I forgot I wasn't that type of girl,
Skin and bones
But I stay headstrong,
Brush that dirt off when I stand
I keep going forward,
Defying the not possible

A burst of energy and I'm alive,
My self esteem comes out of hiding
I'm floating on the surface
With the help of a form of aqua
No one hears me,
No one sees
I'm in the middle of a sea
I created myself
Am I dead?
I feel it in my bones,
I should be dead and gone
Life feels worthless when you're alone
I just want a sign,
A reassurance that there is a reason
I'm still alive