Maybe now she'll
fully participate when
she's imagining your
graceful love and she doesn't
know if your hands are
soft or rough but
she imagines they're soft so
the hands that pass the time
on her are soft and
she doesn't remember what
you smelt like or if you still
smell like that but the
darkness of her eyelids portray
the grass and water and
trees and it will sometimes
smell like it just rained
and sometimes it will smell
like sunshine and summer air
and she doesn't know
how it feels to be a part
of your hair but the hair
in front of her will be yours,
eyes closed and she is
used to this, imagining
it was someone it would
never be and it never
felt right and she doesn't know
if it will always stay like this
but at least with her
eyes closed now she'll
participate and
wouldn't you know,
that's a whole
new joke of
it's own

I'm sitting in this almost sunset sun
And I'm wondering if yours are this beautiful too
Or if they're more beautiful than mine
I hope they never hurt you like mine do now
Do you feel free with every one of them?
More free than the last one
And I'm wondering if I'll live another one now
Without wondering how they would have
Tasted in my grinning mouth
And on my sun bleached hair and perfectly
Normal and good enough skin if I was the one dancing
In them with you
And I want to get drunk,
So drunk that I stumble down all these streets and alleyways
Until I make it back to your memory
And lay in the frosted grass beside you
While we watch the puffs of our breaths mesh together
In this perpetually never ending winter air
And I'd close my eyes while your unchanging hand
Caresses my still young face and I would breathe your form in
And open my eyes to watch you disappear
Then run, run as fast as my tired feet could take me
Back to where everything really started and
I wouldn't have cared this time if you got mad
Because I wanted you to feel it, to taste it on my lips
To know that it was me and this was special and it really was meant to be
And you wouldn't vanish from my hands that are around your face and the anger
Would be gone and your eyes would flutter open along with mine and I'd smile
In the exact same way you used to make me smile
So I could vanish with you this time and
We would live these days with no walls and I wouldn't let myself
Go and look like this and think like this
And we would grow old and tired but I would love you just the same
And maybe I wouldn't be something to be ashamed of and you wouldn't misuse words and promises because I hurt you and we wouldn't wake up one day when it's too late
Because when you disappear into the sun, no matter where you ever go and who you go with,
I swear I will disappear with you

She'd build flowers and paint pictures
To remind you that she's still there,
Deep inside where you both reside now
She'd punch through all your walls
Until her skin was gone and the meat
Was tethered to show the blinding white
Of her still trying bones
She'd take her eyes out so you could see
Just how far you've made her go to remember how to breathe
And how important and the center you've become
And when she'd sweat and curse,
Feel like she isn't worth your love,
You'd dab the sweat off her forehead
And hold her tight to soak up the pain
That would shake into your vertebrate
That's made out of armor and would end their life
Because you'd never want her to spend another sleepless night

He told you he'd find a way
To give it back to you
And you could finish the maze
But doubt in this is fuzzy peaches
And I've ate one too many
It doesn't just physically show,
Like the jokes he has told,
But it mentally is known
Doubt is ugly in ruining everything
But it's beautiful in the way you remember
All these things
And I wonder if it was a bitter slap in the face
When he finally found a way to give it back,
Did it hurt as much as it does when
I'm waking up and begging thin air
To silence my fear the way you did at the end of gravel road?
Im running through my past now,
Delicately piecing these broken pieces back together
But only in the confines of my mind
Because I could never finish your story
Stories endings change all the time
And you're voice isn't in the wind,
Telling me it's beside the street lamp,
Like you'd be waiting patiently for me there
But I'm dangling my legs over the hollywood sign
I look down and it's a far way to the ground
But the impact would hurt less if I told your shoulder goodbye one last time
And not just looking at it but by smothering my face against it,
Leaving damp trails there that I would
Hope never dries before I hit this dirt and
Become one with this ungrateful earth that I will rejoice in the memory of what could have been if I was not feeble and courageous in the way you once formed me

Heart of blue florescence
The memory like moths,
Attracts the reminder
Unforeseen the pain
In the way I now sob your name
But there's no one meeting under here
Silence creeps in like the night
Confusion bites like mosquitoes,
Realization is the thump
In the surrounding woods, unseen
The dark consumes fast

I sat in the far back,
You were in the front
With all your friends,
Goofing off and taking pictures,
Being loud and annoying
But I really just wanted a picture with you,
I scuffed right after that thought
Because look at you
I think you tried to make me laugh
Or tried annoying me
So I faked like I was ignoring you
But you made me laugh
With your dunb stupid ways
And your cheeks were extra red,
More than their seemingly consistent
Rosy pinkish red
But I can close my eyes now
And remember how the green
Fiber tickeled my palm as I
Slowly but gently scooted my hand
Close to you and I was worried to death
Because I didn't know what you'd do
And I remember the green cushion turning
Into the metal that connected the two,
It was cool against my hot flesh
Because you made my heart race
And I was worried because I liked you
And I looked down and I was close,
So freaking close that I couldn't stand it
And you were there and you treated me
Like I was something important and like I wasn't unwanted
And you looked at me
You looked at me and you never laughed because of anything
Like the other people did
And you was making those silly faces and I was trying so hard not to laugh
And you flopped your hand down and lifted your shoulders
And I was feeling reckless,
Reckless but like I was about to die
And pinky touched pinky,
Skin meshed into skin
And I pulled back and I swear
Out of all the thibgs my hand had ever felt before that moment,
It was a spark that lit up every part
And you kept your hand there and we shyly giggled and smiled
And from that moment you gave me courage to be brave with you
And I wish, I swear I would give anything to have those moments again
To have you put that back in me
But something else causes sparks
To erupt and light up every part of you
And that spark isn't me

A bat followed me home,
I looked up through the window

It flew in and out of the light
That my car gave off to the overhanging trees
For a short time

And it instantly clicked,
Bats and rats,
Rice and beans,
Baseball and Saturday's

Why do you remember everything?

And my overbearing imagination
Likes to pretend it was
Almost as if saying you were here
Because I've drove that road hundreds of times
But I've never been down one
That hurts and opens me up
Just like the one you built for me

And it's laughable to say
I would gladly go float in that nasty pond
So the bats could gather and fly me away
To a place where you would choose to stay