I miss the world as it was.
The quiet beauty of being small.
Long afternoons turning to twilight,
Small fists gently clasped around
The majesty of fireflies, silently glowing.
Racing streetlights to make it home
Before the curfew of fiery sunsets.

I miss the world as it could be.
Friendships that should have blossomed
And lovers that could have been.
Books that are yet to be written
Collecting dust inside the authors mind.
Goals yearning to be accomplished
By doers not yet motivated to move.

I miss the world as it is.
Caught up in a phone or computer
Rather than looking up and smiling.
Perhaps buying a stranger there coffee,
Or simply saying hello to a neighbor.
Losing out on conversations because
Of ones emotions or differences.

An entire sea of water
Cant sink a ship
Unless the water gets inside
You sunk me.
You got inside my being,
Wrapped your smile around my heart.
And crushed me.
I cant breathe anymore.
Waves of nausea crash about.
Tears flood my eyes.
But all you'll ever see
Is the beauty of the ocean.

The hours crawl by and I sit huddled, waiting.
I've never been over seas, but I can imagine,
This must be what it's like, every second
Chiseling the hole in your chest wider,
Wondering if morning and light are real
Not just the figment of the deprived imagination
The cold sets in around two am and I get up
I trip over piles of crap and fumble for the switch
The fan clicks off, my body immediately burns
The cold isn't external, its within me. My soul.
At first glance its loneliness. But it is far worse
It is a desperation to be loved exactly as I am
I laugh out loud as I think this. Who am i?
Who am I to be loved. I am scarred and flawed
I have done heinous things. Lied, cheated, all of it
I have never been overseas, but I know.
I live in a warzone. No where is remotely safe
My room, the car, the supermarket, school.
I'm battling myself, and I'm not sure what for.

The demons were chasing hard that night
I tried to run, I tried to fight them.
But I slip, my gait trips up.
Then my lips are pressed to a bottle.
I watch as the world grows fuzzy.
Sip after sip, my view and judgement cloud
Click click click bing.
hey fuzzy letters fill my screen
its two am, why u up? blip to exsistance
Naseau grabs my stomach... liquor or nerves?
Click click click bing.
i miss you instant regret wells up
He doesn't want me. Not sober, not drunk
Demons get to me. Pop goes another beer.
Soon it's the early hours and I'm still lonely
I look down the neck of the bottle and realize
The only things in life I can count on are here
Me and the demons who won this battle.

The tiniest heartbreak
Is the word "almost"
He almost loved me

Shes sick, and not the "take a mucinex and get over it" kind of sick.
Her hair is falling out, the most beautiful curls you'll ever see swirling away with tears and shampoo.
Shes the kind of sick where you go to the doctor three times a month and have to get special permission from work to miss so much
When one of the four other people living in the house catches a cold, she catches a flu.
And it bring her to the edge. Every cough is like breaking glass, every ragad breath painful.
Through all this she still manages to be my mom somehow
She catches every tear in her paling hands. Fights end when her gentle voice says stop.
I'm scared though, some day her voice may say stop to the fight that matters. And shell be gone.
You see we are all dying, shes just doing it a little too fast.

He doesn't love me
That's not surprising now
The surprising thing is
He never did