You moved house without warning
No alarm bells to warn me of what was to come, except for those in my head that continue to convince me that I’m losing it
You stripped everything off the walls on your way out
My confidence
Self worth and
Your love
But you didn’t just stop there  
You made sure to replace it with the ugliest shade of red
A shade so horrifying it keeps me awake almost every night thinking of the reasons I wasn’t good enough to make you stay
The furniture is so ugly in here now, it reminds me of how I felt the very first time you chose her
Instead of me
Not forgetting the other countless times I was made to feel so unworthy at your feet
Now for the record…
I know I’m no renovator
Maybe just a lousy painter at best  
But if someone had trusted me with the keys to their heart the same way I did you
I would’ve made **** sure to do a much better job with them
Than you did
I guess it’s for the best though
You’ve cost me too much here so maybe you moving out was the right decision
I just hope for everyone else’s sake, you take much better care of your next home
Than you did ours

I’m sorry I didn’t love you as much as I should have
Instead made you feel less than
Sorry for not wiping your tears when you needed
Giving you the love you needed
Love that you went searching for which lead you to the wrong hands
I’m so sorry
I wish I knew how back then
Truth is I’m still figuring that part out
…
Thank you for not giving up on us
Thank you for being as strong as you were
Thank you for giving me a second chance
A chance to make it right
A chance to shower the new you with all the love and more I couldn’t give back then
- You make me so proud.

I love you, M. X

For there is beauty in the healing
Beauty in the nights I cry myself to sleep to then wake up feeling like I can take on the world
Beauty in the mistakes that no longer hold my mind hostage because I’m slowly learning to forgive myself

For there truly is beauty in it all and each day I see that a little more
Then on the extra good days, I even realise there is beauty left within me
That I in fact, am beautiful
For my beauty never went away, even after you did.

You tell me I’m beautiful
Strong
And
Wise
Yet still I don’t see it
I look to you for validation
Guess you could say
You’re my captivation

Seems like getting over you
Is as hard as it was getting through to you
Each day I hope to forget
The scars you’ve left me with
The insecurities I now battle at your absence
The hurt I feel when I think of you
As it consumes my mind
My heart and my body
And all that I’m left with are the reminders
Of why I should’ve never given it a try

For the new year I hope for peace
Serenity
A little more faith in, me
A new found joy for the things I once had
A new found love, that similar to a small child playing in the sand
Happiness
To smile a lot more
Even on the days when it may seem a little forced
I hope for strength
Courage to keep my head up high
I hope for peace
But most importantly a new found love, for me

Heavy heart
Falling apart
Things seem to be getting kind of dark
At a loss of answers
In need of an escape
Something
Someone
Somewhere
That takes me right back to
Who I am