How come I miss everyone that I’ve ever met

you always wanted to catch me.

you drove around town baiting me until you hooked me.

you gutted me in front of everyone and worst of all...

you nailed me to a piece of plywood for everyone to mock forever

I've always wanted to be your girl.
I thought I knew what would come with it.
But I didn't. I wasn't prepared. I didn't know.

I didn't know about the homemade coffee. The coffee that warms me up from the inside. The coffee that says to me, "I'll never stop taking care of you."

I didn't know about the driveway. The driveway that makes my heart sink every time I roll out of it because there's not a guarantee that I'll see your eyes on mine again. The driveway that says to me, "I bet you miss him already."

I didn't know about the hands. The hands that hold my head up for me when I'm not strong enough to do it on my own. The hands that say to me, "I'll never let go of you."

But I did know your love would hit me the hardest. I knew that by pressing your lungs into mine, you would draw life into me once again. And you did.

You are my life, my love, my happiness.
And I am your girl.

I wish I were little again
When I’d never heard the word suicide
And I didn’t know how someone could be broken enough to not open their eyes
When I didn’t think twice about people
And when bad guys all wore masks

Sometimes I feel like I'm falling from the sky.

It's panicked at first. The wind stretches my face until it burns and my heart aggressively climbs into my throat. I can't seem to open my eyes. My body feels impossibly heavy and surprisingly lightweight at the same time. I try to grab for something- anything at all. My hands turn up empty.

After the panic is over I find myself anticipating the crash and the crackle of my bones. I squeeze my eyes shut and dig my fingernails into my palms until I'm sure I'll manage to split my own hands open. My teeth gruesomely grind against each other, sending a horrific sensation through my jaw. But the anticipation lasts an eternity. I find myself waiting for so long that I begin to welcome the crash, tired of the dread mercilessly sprinting through my body. But it never comes.

I look down and I see nothing.

If I had three wishes, they'd all be for the benefit of you.

The way you draw life into me simply by pressing your lungs deeply into mine is something I may never be able to fathom