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Hailee Harris Feb 2019
the sun is hiding behind the clouds, the rain fills up the skies. she smiles and she says shes fine, but they are just her lies. secretly she is breaking down, she lives in her own world of pain, this girl used to be happy, but that's never to be again. her heart is gone and shes empty, inside she just wants to die. but she bravely puts on a smile, she won't let them see her cry. she will prove how strong she is, and hat she will be alright. she doesn't care how hard it is, shes going to win this fight. she wants to open up to someone, but doesn't know who to tell. who would understand that she feels like shes going through hell? she wants to openly cry and to be told she'll be okay. she wants to know she can do it, that she can make it all go away. she doesn't understand it though. she is not sure she ever will. all she really wants is to open up and tell how she really feels.
Hailee Harris Nov 2018
I'm fighting and I'm losing, trying my hardest to be strong. I'm falling and failing, being proven that I'm wrong. I'm screaming and I'm choking, falling to my knees and crying. I'm lying and I'm pretending, but deep down I know I'm dying. I'm running and I'm frightened I have already lost the fight. I'm slowing and I'm stopping, giving it the greatest delight.
Hailee Harris Oct 2018
what if I don't feel strongly about anything involving words. This is my consciousness. my brother is coming home. I hope. I don't want to be alone. meaninglessness means nothing. It's a contraction to assert that everything is meaningless. why should meaninglessness be more meaningful than meaningfulness. anything but I don't know. you know what, **** it. I say what comes to mind, but what if my thoughts aren't this slow. what if an idea isn't a line of words but a surge of emotions. how do I do that God? why do I feel like I'm always talking to you now ? God is good, I hope. I hope I have a choice. A choice to avoid that dark spot in my mind and think of happy thoughts. you gotta do more than happy things or there will be no more of 'em. my sisters comes to mind. I love them I would die for them. I think now I'm entering a crisis feeling bad about myself. questioning whether I would jump in front of a train for someone I say I love. but when it comes down to it I have a feeling I wouldn't do nothing. given my track record I'm registered as *****. never getting out of my comfort zone to do something I believe in. I want to say that all that **** is about to change but I've said it so many times before. to no change. how can I climb out of myself out of years of training to be the **** I am today. who am I even? am I the person I am or the person I want to be? am I the person that does what he does or the thoughts that never expose themselves? sometimes I feel like the answer is that I am more than one thing. why is everything always about me ?
Hailee Harris Oct 2018
frowning in my sleep, eyes too numb to know. can't contain the empty, demons start to show. happy run on hatred, smiles fuels by air. How do I stop this? No one is there. Screams gets louder & sharper, I try to bite my tongue but it's not my own mouth, empty fills my lungs. 'everybody has a purpose.' but what am I to them? trying to breathe with no air, empty on empty again.
Hailee Harris Oct 2018
what is it with us & our secrets? someone has little secrets & someone has huge. we meet somebody & we think we know everything about them. the opposite is true. because the mystery usually reveals our real self. why do we have a secret before our family & friends? we can trust them, can't we? wrong. in this world, we can no longer trust anyone. we are not hurt by our enemies, but by our loved ones most of the time. but on the other side, when we don't tell them about our secrets, they can be hurt too, when they find out. we think that we keep safe, when they don't know about our secrets, but sometimes it's even worse. so why do we keep our secrets? because we don't know, who to trust or let us not disappoint them. still, we should not hide our secrets. because we hurt ourselves this way. we're suffering at nights when nobody is listening. we have nightmares that hunt us for years  we should tell someone. often the person we are not expecting will help us.
Hailee Harris Oct 2018
I'm the girl, who hides behind a smile everyday.
I'm the girl, who has a tough exterior. but that's not who I really am. I'm the girl, who keeps everything bottled up. sometimes I just need someone to talk to. someone to care about me. someone to listen to my problems. someone to hold me when I cry. someone to love me. Nobody knows the real me. Nobody knows what I go through everyday. Nobody knows what I have to do just to make it through the day. Nobody knows that I'm the girl who isn't who I say I am. And I'm the girl who will cry herself to sleep every night.
Hailee Harris Oct 2018
how can you keep a secret. how can you keep a lie. how can live you live with yourselves knowing what they did. are you all in a cult or are you turning a blind eye. you know secrets that could save people lives, but instead you choose to live a lie. I've seen good things, I've bad things but I've never seen a lie like this. how can anybody turn a blind eye to this. lies breed lies. satan breeds a devil, but justice will one day breed the truth.
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