I love roses

The color reminds me of the blood that drips from my arms

When I take the blade to my skin, a rose blooms

The scars remind me of thorns

Things that everyone hate

I love roses

They symbolize romance

And I love, love

But I'm not so sure it loves me anymore

I don't know, maybe it does

It just doesn't seem like it

I've been told that I'm loved

I just don't know how that can be true

I love roses

They are beautiful but still have thorns

I'm strong

I may not seem that way sometimes

But sometimes being strong isn't hiding emotions and putting on a brave face

It's being able to show your emotions to those who care

Those who would do anything for you

I am strong

I am not weak

And I will show you just how strong I am

Sobs tear at my throat

Like a demon crawling from hell

They tear up my throat until I let them out

Sometimes they come out when I'm in public

People pity me

I don't want pity

I don't want help

I want this to be over

I want the sobs to stop

I just want to be okay

I'm suicidal

I have thoughts everyday about how I might be better off dead

Sometimes I think about stepping into the street into oncoming traffic

Sometimes I think about swerving my car into the ditch

I promised everyone I love that I wouldnt think about this stuff anymore

But I can't keep that promise anymore

I don't wanna reach out for help

For everyone around me has helped me so **** much

I can't bother them anymore

I can't bother with life anymore

So yeah I'm suicidal

I have been for a while.

Dear dad,

Why?

Why were you such a bad person that mom doesn't want me to see you?

Why were you such a bad person that mom doesn't want you to know that I exist?

Why me?

Everyone else gets to say "My Dad"

But I don't

I get to say "My Stepdad"

But hey it's okay

You only missed 16 years

And not to mention not being there for my siblings

No, Grandma has to

Why?

Am I not good enough?

Did I do something wrong?

Tell me

What is it?

I want to know

If i can improve

If I can do something that will make everything better

To make the pain go away

Because if there is

I want to try

But dad

I need your help

You have to try too

You have to be my dad

I can't take this anymore

I can't keep living this life

I can't stay on this Earth anymore

Not when my only friend is my Razor

When my only solace is hurting myself

When the only thing that comforts me is the demon in my head

I feel like my friends don't love me the way that they say they do

I want to be done with this life so badly

I want to be done with the way life treats me

But that's life huh?

That's the way it is for everyone isn't it?

But for me it seems worse

It seems like everyone is out to get me

I'm done with everything

But at the same time

I still try, I still strive to be perfect

I try for my family, for my boyfriend, for my friends

I try but at the same time I'm done

How can that be?

I have this friend

He's always there for me

Some people think that he hurts me

But he doesn't

He saves me

He saves me from the hell inside my head

He saves me from the people that torture me

He's always there for me

No matter what

Whenever I feel alone

Or when I cry at 3 in the morning

He is there for me

No matter what

Who is he?

He's my Razor.