Most people have scars that run in
perfectly
              straight
                           lines
                     but
             mine
        are
hopelessly crooked
because
I hated myself too much
to be that careful

I hacked at the paper-white skin
that was my wrist
and drew
               thin
                      red
                           lines
that didn't seem to know
where they were going
or even where they wanted to go

Today
when I touch them
the pain is still
                        so
                            raw
­                        so
                  real
I can almost feel the tears
rushing down my face
and onto my arms,
mixing with the blood
trying in vain to heal me

When my arms were open
I didn't see blood
I saw
         hurt
                hopelessness
                               ­      fear
                                           insecurity
                               despair
                      doubt
              pain
       hate
anger
The pain is hidden
underneath the layers of skin
that rushed to cover the ones
that I had pierced through
but sometimes
I think
           it
              might
                         still
                                be
                        ­              there

She gave this Earth everything she had
       Poured her heart
                               Her validation
                                          Her lusting touch
She gave the Earth her all
Toes touching deep within the soil
Bunion roots pulled in the dirt
Head tilted up to the skies
she gave this Earth everything she had
          Stole his heart
                              His validation
                                      Exchanged for lusting touches
She enveloped the tree blanket forest fur around her
Let it seep in, till there was no difference in the ocean and her blood
Found strength in a dying population
                              found her life
Took it all down with her rise
This Earth was everything she had
*This Earth was everything she was

You are not allowed to like me
I'm afraid of what it will do to me
I can't let you get close to me
I'm afraid of how you will hurt me
I've caged my self up for a year,
not letting anyone have the key
my padlocked heart never beating
just a fist pounding against the wall,
mimicking my missing emotions
awaiting the realization from those around me that the key to my heart is not in my pants,
and THOSE need a key as well
the key to my heart is in my mind,
if you can fool me into believing you like me, you get my heart,
if you can fool my heart into believing you love me,
you get my mind.
so maybe i am a foolish person
the walls of the cage my only comfort,
cold metal my closest friend,
the slightest movement and it caresses my skin
the words I speak bouncing off of impenetrable walls
sinking in to my skin, my veins
slowing the blood flow to my emotionless heart
compressed, depressed, soulless and asleep
You are not allowed to like me
There is no reason to
The words i speak sharpened to daggers, in the hopes of removing your flesh, freeing your blood to the floor mine has stained  
My skin a canvas for the art of pain, my emotions wounding me,
My scalp the hidden salvation for my nails, leaving holes as claw away the thoughts of a happiness I am afraid of having
Blood and tears the last memory of happiness
blood and tears the ocean i drown myself in
Blood and tears washing away my fearlessness
blood and tears the ocean i drown myself in
Blood and tears washing away my fearlessness
Blood and tears
scabbing together what is left of me
You are not allowed to like me
I'm afraid of myself
I can't let you get close to me
I break too easy
I'm fragile
The walls of the cage my only comfort
they hold me

the internet says that
I am at a vulnerable time of my life right now
because I am somewhere
between a child and an adult
and that is a lot like how
a caterpillar wrapping itself around silk walls of cocoon
that I like to call society
because
no matter how long it remains silent
a butterfly would always struggle and slowly
emerge from its own silky white cage in time to come
and that comforts me because
in real life,
I am a piece of glass everyone looks right through
and with no one that I truly feel a connection to,
I find myself standing at the sidelines
and maybe I watch too much anime,
but I want someone to call me their friend
and not give me a chance to doubt their meaning of friendship
and consequently whether or not
I really mean something to them
and maybe I’m still suffering from 8th grade syndrome,
which is a Japanese slang for people, nearing adolescence who
think they are special members of society
and I used to believe that I have magical abilities
and I am the only one capable of fighting against an
age old evil
and I still know that to be true,
but now,
I know that I am just fighting against my own hormones
the same ones that cause my face to turn red at the mention of my poetry
and the same ones that cause outbreaks on my face during exam periods
and the same ones that make me feel so alone at 3a.m in the night
and I know I'm not special, not even close
but I want to feel like
I've been good enough
at least once in my life
{d.c}

not a poem but something that have been stuck in my head since four years ago*

High school was never easy.
Even the happiest person said that they have a bad memories in high school.
They get bullied
Some people would said that I should treasure everything that happened in my high school life.
I know. IVE TRIED SO HARD.
But I cant.
Folks in high school are weird.
Not that weird. They're...... 'weird'..
They're full with hatred
-full with negatives vibes
-full with idk why the heck they want to bad things to other people.
For me, I dont know.
I dont enjoy anything
Everything looks so depressing
Full of hate..
I tell you
I've been trying.
And its my fourth year now
Trying to be positive
Trying to understand everyone in the school
But
I think.. This things cant be help no more.

Everytime I walked into my school
My depression level increase to level 99
My loneliness can be felt..so clear
My self-esteem drop like hell

High school even teach me not to trust everyone.
-people always leave no matter what why when or how.

No wonder some people killed themself
-some kid do selfharm
-some students would ditch school
-some people do drugs just to run away from the school probs

Idk is it just me or what

Oh gosh.. I wish I can just scream at them in their face.

Nothing is more gratifying,
than my friends talking
about you and me.

The truths of you and me
and the predictions
and the destination.

I went to a wedding tonight.
My mother was the Maid of Honor
and I was the drunken teenager.

My mother's best friend of many years
was marrying her best friend of a few
and I took advantage of the open bar.

My sister brought a blackberry pie
my mother a speech
and I got to hear about how much I reminded everyone of my father.