You there, in the shadows deep,
A soul adrift, in the silence you keep.
Your presence whispers, a ghostly hue,
Lost in the crowd, unnoticed, it's true.

You long for connection, a hand to hold,
But the world rushes by, cold and bold.
In the solitude of your quiet despair,
you're longing, your silent prayer.

Your silence speaks volumes, louder than words,
Echoing loneliness, like distant birds.
But hear me now, in this quiet refrain,
I see you, I feel you, I share your pain.

So hold on tight, dear soul, don't fear,
For I am here, always near.
In the depths of your despair, it's true,
I haven't forgotten you, and I never will do

I am still heavily in love with you. I have tried with every fiber of my being to move on and to let go, but you are still everything to me. You are my vessel. You have crawled inside my ribcage and made a home within me. My heart doesn’t beat the same without you. I'm in so much pain. Everything reminds me of you much more than it did when we were in a relationship. I miss you so much. I don't have the energy to talk with anyone else. I want you. I need you. Only you. I don't think I'll be able to find anyone else even if they're better in some way. I've looked at your photos these few days more than I ever have before. You're so beautiful. I can't stop smiling when I look at you and I feel like annoying you and teasing you. All I want is to be with you, to touch you, to feel you, to hug you tight, to see you smile, to just be happy together. I don't know how long I can survive without you like this. I can't live without you.

These words are not enough.

The way that I miss you tears a hole in me. It feels like an entire section of my existence is gone. I feel an infinite sadness with your absence.

I can say over and over again that I miss you but it doesn't begin to cover the gist of it.

I spiral. I wonder if you miss me. I wonder if you think about me. I wonder if you want me there. I wonder if I creep into your thoughts throughout the day. I go down this rabbit hole repeatedly.

Do you miss me?

I miss you so much it hurts. I feel alone. I can't get out of this spiral. I don't miss the thought of you. I don't miss the idea of you. I don't miss my interpretation of you.

I miss YOU.

I'm in a room full of people, and not one of them is you. You are the only person I can think about. How are you? Have you eaten? Did you sleep?

I'm here to admit that you gave me peace. The night we met changed my life forever. The moment I looked into your eyes was the day I realized I wanted you in my life. You gave me the love and company no one ever seemed to give me. I was the type to never let someone see right through me, until you. You were the only person to get a chance to meet the real me. Thank you for never once judging me and accepting me for who I am. I've never felt alone when I was with you. Watching you go has been the hardest thing to feel. I'm lost without you. I hope that in the next life, we'll be together forever. Just for now, I'll be staring at the moon in hopes you're looking right at me too. You look so beautiful amongst the stars.

I love you.

​

I never told you, but you saved me. When I met you, I was at the lowest point of my life. I felt invisible, insignificant. And then you came into my life with your energy, your laughter, and that way of making everyone around you feel special. You were the first person in a long time who truly saw me, who cared about me beyond the surface. I don’t know if you ever realized how much you meant to me. Maybe for you, it was just another friendship, something temporary. But for me, you were everything. You gave me reasons to smile when I thought I had none left. You showed me that life had more to offer, and that it was worth continuing. I still think about you, and it hurts that we drifted apart. I never told you, but thank you. Really, thank you for everything.

I just want you to know this.

You may never truly know how deeply I cared for you as a person. I expressed my affection in ways that felt sincere to me, but it wasn’t enough nor aligned with what you really wanted. Your words made it clear that this relationship was not as real as I had hoped, and it never was.

You say you wish you had genuine connections, yet it seems you struggle to understand what that truly means. You’ll never know that everyday I woke up with you on my mind. I would always think how can I make your day better, or show you how special you were to me. I realized that I was mistaken to believe this was something more than what it was.

That said, I am at peace. I have a life filled with stability, support, and real love of friends and family. I have so many good things in my life to look forward to. I know I’ll be okay and I know I’ll find someone who will reciprocate the love I give. Even if I don’t it’s still better than whatever this was.

In contrast, I know the reality of your life and it is full of loneliness, sadness, and uncertainty.

In truth, we will both move on and forget each other, but for different reasons. I will let go because you have shown this was never a real relationship, and you are undeserving of my love and affection. You won’t have to worry about any selfishness from me again.

As for you, you will likely forget me amidst the many faces that come and go in your life. I fear you will never know love or experience true friendship, and deep down, you know it too.

Goodbye

Yes, I'm mad. I'm heartbroken. I'm hurt. But I hope you know that it's okay.

I don't want to minimize what you've done, and the hurt you've caused me, but I hope you know that it's okay. No excuses. No justification. But I get it. As poorly as you've handled things, you never intended to hurt me, or at least I'd like to think not.

I hope you're eating well, sleeping well. I hope you haven't shut yourself off from people. I hope you’re not sad or lonely, and that someone is there for you when I’m not. I hope you're not killing yourself with the regret. I hope you're doing okay.

If you're wondering why I'm not reaching out, it's not because I hate you or don’t want to talk to you (in fact, it’s the opposite). It’s because I need the space to heal and the self respect to walk away from one-sided relationships, and stop hurting myself trying to force or fix issues that aren't mine to fix.

If the guilt or heartbreak is eating you up, please know that I don't want you to do that. What's done is done. You have nothing to grovel for anymore. I just hope you don't do it again, to anyone.

C'mon, you really think I can hate you? After everything? I love you too much to stay angry with you. I still love you, actually. I know you might not be too sure about that, because we haven't spoken in a while. But I do. Regardless of what happens.

If by some chance you ever want to reach out again, I hope you know that I'll be here to talk… one day. I'm open to fixing things eventually.

Again, I hope you're doing well, love. Take care.