The tints of yellow and brown,
Tis' near the fall season now.
See, the parks so beautifully donned
With falling leaves and gentle wind.
So put on light jackets and get comfy
Gear up, set the bed and get ready
As we watch for the Jacksonville Fall Home & Patio Show
With a hot soup bowl, and waiting for snow.

Something awash my strengths,
an eerie feeling of coldness...
I couldn't stop the pain,
it overwhelms me...

Stripped of my rights
I stood still...

Stunned, hurt and confused,
and just floating...

Reality strikes like a whip
and it does -
It kills.

**Sometimes when realization struck us, we feel helpless. Why? Because it would sink into your mind that no matter what, no matter how you try to make things better, it just wouldn't...and that alone hurts.

The lingering scent of talcum powder
The essence of mandarin and ginger
It awakens thoughts of you in ember
The gist of green tea remembers...

The aroma that reminds me of you.

Don’t tell me you know me well enough…you don’t know what’s on my mind…you don’t know exactly when and how I breathe out all the frustrations and disappointments that I allowed to debrief my existence.

Don’t state your judgments as you can…you don’t know how detrimental those are…and you have no idea how it allowed yourself to become what I think you are…

Don’t analyze my ways…you can’t be self-complacent that you can dissect me as those vertebrates this world tried to comprehend. I am me…it cannot be analyzed.

I am no other’s canvass, so don’t draw conclusions by a mere sheer glance. You haven’t been in my world. So don’t dissemble to be cognitive of my approaches. Just don’t.

I've fought endlessly
I fight to no end
I **** mercilessly
To eternity I send
I failed but I won
My life I devour.

Thinking. Searching, asking for more.
But what, in my mind do I want to explore?
Define, dissolve, I don’t have a clue.
Not really knowing, what’s it I wanna do.

Looking, delving, confusingly so,
I stare into empty space, knowing not where to go.

What is it? I ask? What is it that I must?
A crossroad, a journey, or something from the past?
The answer I guess, is out there somehow,
I clasp my hands together, my head in a bow.

Hoping, believing, go on, and dig deeper,
Stay still, look out, be content and feel better;
All the answers will, in its time get their cue,
But now learn to wait and you’ll get them when they’re due.

Close your eyes and sleep;
Put your body in a deep slumber.
Open your eyes and meet,
HE who is your Keeper.

I just remember that we do pray a lot
when we need something.
And pray more
for more.  
Sometimes we pray
just for the sake of praying,
or to be thankful
for blessings in four.  

When blessed we pray,
and when not, we stray,
So God knocks
through challenges and strife.
Since He knew
that’s the only time we do pray
and He knew, it is with our might.

Remember though
that not all prayers are answered,
it can be a yes or a no.
Sometimes we wait,
and see what will happen
when it comes God says,
‘because I said so’.

So pray and pray
and pray and pray
That’s because
it’s what we all can.

It might be yes or a no,
it does not matter
If we believe then
we know it will be done.

Constricted
by an invisible
chain...
closed bars
are in my way.
I hold it
close in
my hand,
but it fled
from my grasp...
i look up
and saw
the vast
starry skies
and wished...
And it answered,
“soon.”

(Have you ever felt free but not really free at all? Have you ever felt like there's a string attached to your neck? That you can move but you cannot run? That you can smile but you cannot laugh? Provokes rebellion...)

I thought I knew you
I thought you are to me
I thought I had it good
I thought it meant to be.

But these are just thoughts
Assumed and imagined fantasies
In reality, it smears
of heartaches, done quite painfully.

As I ponder, thoughts unraveling
I ***** to seek the pain and sought
Who you'd become, seize gentle meaning
of a love to lose, losing and lost.

(February 06, 2003)

A gushing coldness wash upon me
As I thought of death closing in.
The thought of dying has made me
Think of the things I might have been.

To live your life, be in its fullest
To leave it suddenly is a sad course
You enquire which has been deepest
The people in your life, your living force.

(08.19.2013 | 2:45PM)

How beautiful it is...
to live life with you
to laugh life with you
to argue life with you
to cry life with you.
How beautiful it is...
to share each passing day
to know that you will be there
even in trying times
as the time goes by.

How beautiful it is...
to be a part of you
to build dreams that might come true
to hold on the way you do.

How beautiful it is...
to have you and to hold you
to be with you and to love you....

...thank you for a beautiful life.

Confusion seeps in...
Degenerates the heart.
As the mind
Starts to wonder
And seeks for an answer.
Blank vision
Void mind
Stares...
Into empty space.
Where do you go?

(1)

How painful can it be
To let somebody go?
How sorry can you be
When it's the only love you'll know.

Abused...misused...confused.

My heart breaks into a million pieces,
It aches silently...
My heart beats slowly, unable to breathe
If this can be classified as dying
Then I'm already dead.

I can't explain
The pain I feel at the moment...
I'm in a state of shock.
Trying to fight the pain
That keeps on seeping in my heart.
I wanted to cry...
But I'm trying to hold back the tears
that's been waiting to fall down
On my cheeks...
I wanted to shout,
Instead,
I scream silently
In pain...
As I try to be brave...
Hoping against hope
That I would be able to go through this
In spite of everything...
That I would be able to survive...
As I lost the one person
That keeps me alive.

As I face the things that aches me
As I ponder upon that breaks me...

I try bringing forth the tears,
Let it escape me.

I silently break into a million pieces...
Don't break my heart like this.

If you want your freedom, just say it.

.....I'm not okay, no I am not.
But I will try to be.