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Apr 2014 · 528
The Search
Avixxi Apr 2014
Thinking. Searching, asking for more.
But what, in my mind do I want to explore?
Define, dissolve, I don’t have a clue.
Not really knowing, what’s it I wanna do.

Looking, delving, confusingly so,
I stare into empty space, knowing not where to go.

What is it? I ask? What is it that I must?
A crossroad, a journey, or something from the past?
The answer I guess, is out there somehow,
I clasp my hands together, my head in a bow.

Hoping, believing, go on, and dig deeper,
Stay still, look out, be content and feel better;
All the answers will, in its time get their cue,
But now learn to wait and you’ll get them when they’re due.
Apr 2014 · 478
Avixxi Apr 2014
by an invisible
closed bars
are in my way.
I hold it
close in
my hand,
but it fled
from my grasp...
i look up
and saw
the vast
starry skies
and wished...
And it answered,

(Have you ever felt free but not really free at all? Have you ever felt like there's a string attached to your neck? That you can move but you cannot run? That you can smile but you cannot laugh? Provokes rebellion...)
Apr 2014 · 329
Random Thoughts 2
Avixxi Apr 2014

How painful can it be
To let somebody go?
How sorry can you be
When it's the only love you'll know.


My heart breaks into a million pieces,
It aches silently...
My heart beats slowly, unable to breathe
If this can be classified as dying
Then I'm already dead.

I can't explain
The pain I feel at the moment...
I'm in a state of shock.
Trying to fight the pain
That keeps on seeping in my heart.
I wanted to cry...
But I'm trying to hold back the tears
that's been waiting to fall down
On my cheeks...
I wanted to shout,
I scream silently
In pain...
As I try to be brave...
Hoping against hope
That I would be able to go through this
In spite of everything...
That I would be able to survive...
As I lost the one person
That keeps me alive.
Apr 2014 · 364
Random Thoughts 1
Avixxi Apr 2014
Confusion seeps in...
Degenerates the heart.
As the mind
Starts to wonder
And seeks for an answer.
Blank vision
Void mind
Into empty space.
Where do you go?
Nov 2013 · 512
Avixxi Nov 2013
I just remember that we do pray a lot
when we need something.
And pray more
for more.  
Sometimes we pray
just for the sake of praying,
or to be thankful
for blessings in four.  

When blessed we pray,
and when not, we stray,
So God knocks
through challenges and strife.
Since He knew
that’s the only time we do pray
and He knew, it is with our might.

Remember though
that not all prayers are answered,
it can be a yes or a no.
Sometimes we wait,
and see what will happen
when it comes God says,
‘because I said so’.

So pray and pray
and pray and pray
That’s because
it’s what we all can.

It might be yes or a no,
it does not matter
If we believe then
we know it will be done.
Oct 2013 · 523
Avixxi Oct 2013
Close your eyes and sleep;
Put your body in a deep slumber.
Open your eyes and meet,
HE who is your Keeper.
I made this poem for my aunt who died years ago. As I go on with life and have seen death...this poem has been a dedication for those who passed away. May they rest in peace. And this time, I'm dedicating this poem to an artist, JDB, who was a favorite, who, in the state of her being, was tired and longed to rest.
Oct 2013 · 529
my ergodic thought
Avixxi Oct 2013
What is there to miss?
When life beckons you to choose,
and you know that there can't be a choice in the first place.

When life gives you chances, why break it?
When your heart beats,
when your mind drifts,
when your emotions become confused,
why continue?

Be firm.
Make your stand.
Move on.
And don't look back.
Oct 2013 · 438
how beautiful it is
Avixxi Oct 2013
How beautiful it is...
to live life with you
to laugh life with you
to argue life with you
to cry life with you.
How beautiful it is...
to share each passing day
to know that you will be there
even in trying times
as the time goes by.

How beautiful it is...
to be a part of you
to build dreams that might come true
to hold on the way you do.

How beautiful it is...
to have you and to hold you
to be with you and to love you....

...thank you for a beautiful life.
Oct 2013 · 463
the love i know
Avixxi Oct 2013
God's love surpasses all things,
All obstacles...
Defies all negative emotions,
Overcomes all difficulties...
And I,
Would like to do the same for you
But since I'm only human...
And I'm not as forgiving,
Nor as humble,
Nor as selfless,
Nor as kind,
I can only love you the way I know...

With all my heart,
My mind,
My soul.

*to my loves
Oct 2013 · 655
we are all equal
Avixxi Oct 2013
We are born in the same context,
We human of all forms...
We may have different environments,
races, cultures and human norms...

We may have different positions and have
different plans and goals that we pursue...

We may have different beliefs and
opinions in all things that we do...

We may have different moods, temperaments,
attitudes and personalities...

But we all live inside the globe,
separated only by land and seas...

We are all created equal and we are
all similar in many ways...

We may have different problems,
that we encounter day by day...

We all face similar challenges,
it may be great or maybe small...

But we were born and created equal,
by one God who made us all...
Oct 2013 · 333
No More
Avixxi Oct 2013
As I face the things that aches me
As I ponder upon that breaks me...

I try bringing forth the tears,
Let it escape me.

I silently break into a million pieces...
Don't break my heart like this.

If you want your freedom, just say it.

.....I'm not okay, no I am not.
But I will try to be.
Oct 2013 · 1.2k
Avixxi Oct 2013
You seem to know me very well
You've learned to adapt the system of my character
But you don't know me well enough,
neither I am with you.

You seem to have cope with my many moods
You seem to know how to handle my irrational being.
You seem to have accepted my eccentric personality.
But you don't know me well enough,
neither am I with you.

I am the cause of my being this
I am the reason of my unhappiness
Not the circumstances nor the situation
Not even you.
Not yourself, not your actions.
Just me.

Forgiveness is not acceptable.
For there is nothing to forgive
Not on your part, but on mine.

I am unexpected...
Somebody hard to cope up with
Nobody can easily understand...
Even I,

(January 17, 2001)
Oct 2013 · 433
At Death’s Door
Avixxi Oct 2013
A gushing coldness wash upon me
As I thought of death closing in.
The thought of dying has made me
Think of the things I might have been.

To live your life, be in its fullest
To leave it suddenly is a sad course
You enquire which has been deepest
The people in your life, your living force.

(08.19.2013 | 2:45PM)
Oct 2013 · 1.9k
Avixxi Oct 2013
The tints of yellow and brown,
Tis' near the fall season now.
See, the parks so beautifully donned
With falling leaves and gentle wind.
So put on light jackets and get comfy
Gear up, set the bed and get ready
As we watch for the Jacksonville Fall Home & Patio Show
With a hot soup bowl, and waiting for snow.
Oct 2013 · 475
i thought
Avixxi Oct 2013
I thought I knew you
I thought you are to me
I thought I had it good
I thought it meant to be.

But these are just thoughts
Assumed and imagined fantasies
In reality, it smears
of heartaches, done quite painfully.

As I ponder, thoughts unraveling
I ***** to seek the pain and sought
Who you'd become, seize gentle meaning
of a love to lose, losing and lost.

(February 06, 2003)
Oct 2013 · 1.3k
Avixxi Oct 2013
Something awash my strengths,
an eerie feeling of coldness...
I couldn't stop the pain,
it overwhelms me...

Stripped of my rights
I stood still...

Stunned, hurt and confused,
and just floating...

Reality strikes like a whip
and it does -
It kills.

**Sometimes when realization struck us, we feel helpless. Why? Because it would sink into your mind that no matter what, no matter how you try to make things better, it just wouldn't...and that alone hurts.
Oct 2013 · 537
Avixxi Oct 2013
I saw myself standing on a riverbank,
standing still
looking far in the distance.

The wind blowing on my face,
slowly singing its hymn
as I look down
upon the still waters before me,
I saw your face.

Etched forever
by an invisible mark,
the billowing prints from the water.

Copyright 2009
Oct 2013 · 581
the battleground
Avixxi Oct 2013
I've fought endlessly
I fight to no end
I **** mercilessly
To eternity I send
I failed but I won
My life I devour.
Oct 2013 · 487
Full Circle
Avixxi Oct 2013
No words can ever describe
how you have molded my life
how you weaved my happiness
how you sewed my contentment
into a beautiful pattern
by just showing me
how much I am loved by you.

Words can never be enough to tell you
how much you are to me
and what i have become
because of you.

Maybe one day,
when things has come in full circle,
I'll be able to tell you exactly
how much I love you.
Oct 2013 · 477
Avixxi Oct 2013
Wishing, hoping my wishes to come true...
Keeping, going to keep my faith in you...
Fighting, believing that we are meant to be ...
Dreaming, losing my dreams when you left me...
Oct 2013 · 546
Avixxi Oct 2013
I don't know what to say...
Deep inside,
I'm filled with emotions
I cannot identify,
With mere words.
I want to come up
With a better description,
something appropriate
to tell you how I feel
how much is felt...
In the end,
I can only smile.
Everything leaves me
Oct 2013 · 586
Avixxi Oct 2013
Breathing hard,
following the mass
of oxygen...
needs air
to breathe,
to live.
Trying hard for
reaching out for
dear gas
as I grasp harder
eyes popped out
until I choked
to death.
Sep 2012 · 424
i hate
Avixxi Sep 2012
I hate the way things have become with us
I despise the process in which I tread upon
I loathe the pain that seeps ever gently
I dislike to tap the coldness deep within
In retrospect, I found out who I can rely on.
Sep 2012 · 428
Avixxi Sep 2012
In the midst of the darkness,
I was awed...
Blinded by the sparkling brightness
of the thing I thought was light.
Only to find out it was not,
that I was wrong...
for there was an angel...
showing me not the day but the night...
and sharing the darkness
eerie and creeping...
then it was gone,
and so was my dream.
Sep 2012 · 374
Avixxi Sep 2012
If I knew you, and you knew me,
If both of us could clearly see...
Then we wouldn't disagree,
On some things, small and petty.

But for now, let it be, let it be.
You are you, I am me.
Sep 2012 · 425
Avixxi Sep 2012
Love is never simple, by no means an easy feat.
At certain times, impossible.

Perhaps, the worst is where there’s no beginning
And yet does not end.

Only memories remain, reminisced.
And that alone brings forth sadness,
To the heart and mind.

A point in time, long past.
But not forgotten.
I'm feeling low today, so I decided to just write. It's been some time since I was able to write a poem. It's just that, for me, the times when I'm feeling down are the times I feel poetic. I'm never good in poetry when I'm happy. I guess it became a habit for me to write down things when I'm lonesome, things I can never put in simple words or express smoothly. Anyway...
Sep 2012 · 1.3k
Avixxi Sep 2012
Cold as ice.


Sep 2012 · 392
five words
Avixxi Sep 2012
five words I read from you
made me smile,
made my day
filled the void,
kept me out of the blue.
Sep 2012 · 476
Somewhere in Time
Avixxi Sep 2012
Silently listening to the melody in my ears
Each note depicts the longing no one hears
Untold story of a love in silent phase
No one knows, my heart is in displaced.
Gone were the days I held you in my arms
Kept are the memories that kept me warm
Weeks turns to months, months turns to years
All the days have gone by the hope to have you near
No one really knows when I’ll see you again
Lest the assurance only time can tell
Every time I remember though, a smile curl up my lips
Echoed in the music, in my heart where it creeps.
Feb 2012 · 453
Avixxi Feb 2012
My tears
are falling
as I watch you
walk away from me...
Not knowing
what to do or
what to say
for you
to come back
and hold me...

But you're gone.

My fears
are showing
as I realize
you'll never return
and I tried
to bear
the thought
of never
seeing you.
I fought back
the sobs -
but I couldn't.

'Coz you're gone.
Feb 2012 · 1.3k
The Scent
Avixxi Feb 2012
The lingering scent of talcum powder
The essence of mandarin and ginger
It awakens thoughts of you in ember
The gist of green tea remembers...

The aroma that reminds me of you.
Feb 2012 · 1.5k
Push, Pull
Avixxi Feb 2012
Push, pull

False security...

Push, pull

Hidden identity...

Push, pull

Sweet words to sprinkle...

Push, pull

Bared, but in riddles...

Push, pull

Lashed on with high hopes...

Push, pull

Driven on low scopes...

Push, pull

Expectations, desires...

Push, pull

All but a lie?
Jul 2011 · 588
don't speak
Avixxi Jul 2011
Don't speak those sweet words,
when you know they aren't true.

Don't speak of loving me,
when you can't really do.

Don't speak of never leaving
when you know that you will.

And don't speak of forever,
when it's not what you feel...
Jul 2011 · 1.1k
Avixxi Jul 2011
I was standing by the seashore...
Observing the sun setting its golden hue.
Its beautiful and fiery color
in contrast with the peaceful setting.
I stand there while the gentle and warm breeze caress my face...
Staring at a distant horizon with inquiring eyes
Trying to look for answers,
Penetrating the depths of the sun's core...
Armored only with mind's confusion,
with no hints and no clues whatsoever.
I stood there for hours, occasionally picking up
pieces of beautiful and colorful shells and stones...
Only to be thrown in the sea's earthy bottom.
And...the sun was gone.
Jul 2011 · 901
Please Don't
Avixxi Jul 2011
Don’t tell me you know me well enough…you don’t know what’s on my mind…you don’t know exactly when and how I breathe out all the frustrations and disappointments that I allowed to debrief my existence.

Don’t state your judgments as you can…you don’t know how detrimental those are…and you have no idea how it allowed yourself to become what I think you are…

Don’t analyze my ways…you can’t be self-complacent that you can dissect me as those vertebrates this world tried to comprehend. I am me…it cannot be analyzed.

I am no other’s canvass, so don’t draw conclusions by a mere sheer glance. You haven’t been in my world. So don’t dissemble to be cognitive of my approaches. Just don’t.

— The End —