I've come to fear it.
bed
the bed. my bed. our bed
anxiety pools at my feet as I stand near it
and it encases me as I sink down onto it.
bed
this is the place
where once i had warm comfort
now I am hot sticky and tangled within the blankets
which drag me deeper and deeper into an unconscious black abyss.
bed
the happy bouncy sleeping is wrecked.
kicking nightmares that I can't shake in the day.
yet the day is when I find comfort in sleep... to wake up
in total sunshine.
at night, it comes. I sit alone surrounded by music and cold computer light
in bed
ours, mine, and the

my body tingles
i can feel my organs rock
my breath quivers
consumed

my head rolls
i roam my hands around
my instinct gone
possessed

repeat repeat repeat
dark
down backwards down the hole
ominious
watch as the light grows faint
aggressive
the energy pulses around
heavy
slipping deep

my pictures are blank.
words are all i see.

my mouth is empty
on paper is where i speak

my feet don't move
letters are my stepping stones

the air picks up
hot. warm.
summer is here to sweat you out of me.
the air picks up
thick. thorough .

I thought you might take me in winter
I thought we might drift in spring.
by fall, we will be so bare
I will reach for you and not even know you are there.

when I take a breath I feel
empty.
I feel the air rattle through ice
the shivering cold on the way down
numb
Completely making my arms like lead
hanging limp at my side
nothing.
I feel nothing.

we will never be
in this small tiny space, you and I.
our arms are pulled together too far
and I relish in the void.

we will never be
twisted up in each other, like we had so hoped.
lips parted for a deep breath
and the sweet relief that is blown out.

we will never be
empty and full of regret, where we were destined.
my brain and mouth could not connect
to your heart and soul.

we will never be. we can't.
it won't do.

the music is off
so I can hear it rain.

the wind blows clouds
and tell me a story while it passes

I wonder a bit
as I sit on my perch

have these same clouds
talked to you?