i don’t know how to feel a little
i only know too much
sometimes that’s a good thing
sometimes i love you so much i don’t need to breath
but other times i’m so angry i could drown in it
so sad i might be consumed by it
so much i might push you beyond my reach

i wish i wasn’t so much

maybe i love you
because you truly could crush me with one look
collapse my lungs with a few steps
burn my skin with the littlest touch
shatter my psyche with just a few words
you could ruin me
wreck my heart
crush my soul
you could and you don't even know it
so maybe i love you
because i'm happy to give you this power

intimacy is such a funny thing
because i do feel close to you
and that's what intimacy is
right?
feeling a special kind of closeness
but i think i could be closer
there's a space between your two arms
i could just stay there
and burrow myself closer
closer and closer
till every part of me is close to you
that's intimacy
right?

someone told me i behave passively
that i move with the flow
as though nothing can touch me
but it’s just how i behave
a crutch
coping mechanism
a funny little way to say i live inside myself
keep the turmoil in my head
feel the hurt inside myself
and behave passively

you think it’s fun i’m crazy
but you just don’t get it
i’ll drive myself insane before you
and i’m not always fun
sometimes i’m scary
but in a scared for me than of me way
scared i’ll burn my life down just to feel the warmth
and i’m scared you might get caught in it

i promise you’re not the only one upset
but despite how much i want to hold your hand
and how much i want to feel every bit of you pressed against me
i can’t help feeling like tearing away my skin
and clawing off your fingerprints from my bones
i just can’t bare to feel the weight of your touch
even the lightest lingers
and i’m scared your touch might never leave me
and i couldn’t handle being haunted
by someone walking around touching someone else

sometimes i forget
you’ve been a daughter longer than you’ve been my mother
it’s easy to forget
you were a girl that cried for her mom
a girl that sought comfort from her mom
a girl that fought with her mother
a girl that has done all a daughter can
so easy to forget
the girl my mom can’t stop being