I've changed because of you.
So much about me has changed.
I'm not even sure who I was before I had you.
I'm not even sure if I want to be her again.
I've grown so confident.
So calm.
I've developed patience and honesty.
I know who I am, and have accepted myself.
I enduldge in the things I love and don't hide what those things are.
I've matured and learned how to love in a truly healthy way.
I no longer rely on others.
I don't need someone in my life to take care of me any longer.
Though just because I don't need doesn't mean I don't want.
I can't imagine living through a day without talking to you.
Without proving how much I love you and want you in my life.
You're apart of every part of my world.
Everything about the person I've become has been supported by you.
I want to live the rest of my life spending everyday being influenced by you.
Maturing with you.
Changing with you.
Being in love with you.

However I've lost you..
The one constant I will never want to give up.
I just pray that one day I'll get you back.
The world dulls more and more each day without you by my side.

How could I possibly explain to you the things you do to my mind.
I get overwhelmed with love from one single look.
A thousand butterflies swarm through my stomach when I hear your voice.
And you always leave me stuck smiling.
A smile that could never fade.
Except.
When you start doing what you've grown so good at.
This beloved new pattern of yours.
We make plans.
This means, we have an agreement.
We've struck an accord.
I have your word.
A word that is beginning to mean less and less.
You've ditched me.
Again.
That's all I'm left here thinking.
I've been ditched.
Discarded.
Forgotten until another moment.
You try so hard.
That's what matters most right?
That you're trying?
That you love me?
I love you.
So tell me why I can't get it out of my mind...
I've been ditched.
My insecurities are screaming at me that I don't mean enough to be remembered.
You continuously tell me otherwise.
Yet, that is what I am stuck believing.
How could I possibly explain to you the things you do to my mind.
I've been ditched.
And you are no where to be found.

I love you the way I love a new book and paint covered hands.
I crave you the way I crave tea on a star filled night.
I need you the way I need to dance in the rain on a hot day.
I miss you more than anything I have to compare.

I remember the first time you held me.
It lasted for only a minute.
I lost my balance and you caught me.
Your hands were on my sides.
My eyes locked with yours.
It was only a matter of seconds before you let go.
Those seconds felt like eternity.
Everything froze in that moment.
Nothing else existed but you.
It feels so cliche to say, like something you'd hear in a movie.
Nothing else exists when you touch me.
Over two years has passed since that moment and it still holds true.
On nights like this I think of that moment.
On nights like this I wish I had you here to hold me and make everything disappear again.

Is it no longer possible for someone to look outside of their mind long enough to see me.
To see that I'm cracking, shattering across the floor.
With nothing but tears and sobs to slow my fall.

No matter how much time I get with you it's never enough.
It won't ever be enough.
Not until the day I finally get to start spending every night falling asleep in your arms.
I miss you every second.
Not having you next to me is killing me.

Stay by my side.
Don't let go for a second.
I can't imagine life without you again.
Just lay here a while longer.
Let's hold off on this ending as long as possible.
This isn't the last time I'll see you.
I just refuse to wait any longer for the next.
We belong at each other's sides.
Why does distance have to make love so hard?