I love the way you say my name.
I love the way you are always telling me to take just one tiny bite when I'm not eating.
I love the way you look at me and smile.
God do I love your smile.
I love how passionate you are about the things you love.
How enthusiastic you get playing video games.
I love the way you always have to make sure that "I am sure" about everything.
I love that you have dreams.
I love how caring you are.
That I can call you day or night.
I love your taste in music.
I love the way you accept me.
I love that you can always make me smile.
I love how happy I make you.
How happy you make me.
I love the way my heart stops every time you say that you love me.
I love the way you try to hide the giant smile you get when I'm talking about how amazing you are.
I love the way your hand feels in mine.
The way your chest feels when I'm using you as a pillow.
I love the way we can talk for hours or lay in silence together the entire day.
I love knowing that you're always there.
I love you.
I truly do.

Someday I'll learn how to fly.
I'll leave this place and all of my fears behind.
My soul will heal and my smile won't look as forced.
I will journey down an adventure few experience and many envy.
I will sit in silence without thoughts over powering me.
I'll forget everything I've been through, all the pain I've endured.
Someday I'll be everything I've dreamed of.

I've had an interesting past week.
With old memories appearing.
New memories being created.
This realization was bound to be met.
Anxiety filled I flew home to see everyone.
A sense of calm settled once I arrived.
Things were so simple.
So casual.
We all settled back into old routines.
And then the memories hit.
Things I didn't even realize I had forgotten.
What it felt like when we were all best friends.
When we were all family.
How it felt when drama began to tear us all apart.
Though the most intense memory that appeared is one I wish I had never felt.
I remembered what being in love with him was like.
How it felt to lay in each other's arms for hours while laughing and talking about nonsense.
I remembered every detail of how heartbroken I was when things ended.
I remembered how much I wanted to kiss him when he got excited over nothing.
How annoyingly cute his horrible memory is.
I remembered just how in love I was with every perfection and flaw he has.
And then I realized...
I'm still in love with him.
Apart of me will always be in love with him.
We've shared too much.
Been through too much not to be.
Without him I would never have been through what I have.
I wouldn't be the person I am.
I wouldn't have the friends I do.
The dreams I have.
He completely changed my life.
I'm over pretending.
I love him.
I'm in love with him and always will be.
However our lives are no longer compatible and it has been a long time since I've wanted him.
He will always be the love of my life.

Within a matter of days he swept in and changed everything.
Suddenly I felt like I deserved more than what I had been allowing myself.
Next to him I finally felt like myself again.
I wasn't being who I needed to be; who people expected me to be.
I was just living within each moment.
He didn't make me happy.
He made me believe I deserved happiness.
He made me want to be happy.
Now I'm smiling like an idiot throughout each day.
Yet, whenever I speak to him it becomes a smile that exceeds expectations.
Suddenly I posses a smile I was unaware existed.

She hid from those who loved her.

She rebelled to the point of self destruction.

She was overtook by the sorrow and darkness.

She rebuilt herself out of the ashes.

She replaced the fear with patience.

The emptiness with love.

She replaced the anger with passion.

The sorrow with joy.

I found another chance at life.
A chance to start new and be happy.
I ran into the chance head first.
Knowing the likely hood of crashing was far higher.
Yet here I am.
Smiling my days away.
I'm happier than I've ever been.

She sat there in hysterics.
Mentally and emotionally numb.
Swinging her feet off the side of a dock in debate.
Debating on how long it takes someone to drown.
What it feels like to be suffocated by the water.
How long would it be till someone found her.
What her parents reactions would be.
What her siblings and friends would feel.
If anyone would truly care or let go after the appropriate amount of time to grieve.
Time ticking fast.
She promised herself not to rush into the decision.
She survived once before when she attempted too quickly.
The seconds and minutes blurred together quickly as her deadline approached.
She took of her jewelry, jacket, and shoes.
Took the password off of her phone.
She was ready.
One minute remaining.
Her decision already made.
She finishes her cigarette.
It's 2:01
One minute passed.
Then she hears him.
Running over to her.
Sitting down with her.
Hugging her.
Asking her if she's okay.
Saving her.
Not realizing that if he was just a few minutes later she would be lost to him forever.
He saved her.