I've had an interesting past week.
With old memories appearing.
New memories being created.
This realization was bound to be met.
Anxiety filled I flew home to see everyone.
A sense of calm settled once I arrived.
Things were so simple.
So casual.
We all settled back into old routines.
And then the memories hit.
Things I didn't even realize I had forgotten.
What it felt like when we were all best friends.
When we were all family.
How it felt when drama began to tear us all apart.
Though the most intense memory that appeared is one I wish I had never felt.
I remembered what being in love with him was like.
How it felt to lay in each other's arms for hours while laughing and talking about nonsense.
I remembered every detail of how heartbroken I was when things ended.
I remembered how much I wanted to kiss him when he got excited over nothing.
How annoyingly cute his horrible memory is.
I remembered just how in love I was with every perfection and flaw he has.
And then I realized...
I'm still in love with him.
Apart of me will always be in love with him.
We've shared too much.
Been through too much not to be.
Without him I would never have been through what I have.
I wouldn't be the person I am.
I wouldn't have the friends I do.
The dreams I have.
He completely changed my life.
I'm over pretending.
I love him.
I'm in love with him and always will be.
However our lives are no longer compatible and it has been a long time since I've wanted him.
He will always be the love of my life.