It's as simple as that.
It's never going to change.
I'm your "forever girl"
Remember?
I'm forever going to love you...

I wonder if he noticed.
Noticed what day it is.
My first thought when I saw it was
"Oh hey seven months"
But then I had to remind myself that it's not.
That were not...
So I wonder if he noticed that today was the 25th.
I wonder if for a second he forgot too.
Or if it didn't even phase him.
As though it was any other day.
Which I guess it is now.
Since we've agreed that all we are is friends.
Though he will never just be my friend.
And 25 will never go back to being just a number.
I wonder if he knows that also.
If he agrees.
Or if he's gone back to thinking of me as though we were never together

Yesterday I woke up in your arms.
Today I woke up 1000 miles away from you.
Is it to early to say that I miss you?
Is it even okay for me to say that I miss you?
Because I do.
I miss you a lot.
And I just kinda want to go back to yesterday morning.
When I was curled up with you completely.
When all I could feel was your skin on mine.
I kept waking up and bringing you closer.
Wishing for that moment to never end.
Until I woke up to leave.
Leaving you again, is torture for me.
Wether we are together or not.
I love you with everything in me and that will never change.

I found a note today.
It was stuck inside my old eyeshadow.
The one that use to stay at your house.
All it had was four little words scribbled on it.
Four little words that use to mean everything.
They stand for everything we once were.
Looking at these words.
Clear as day in your hand writing...
I can't stop myself from crying
All these memories now swarming my head.
The torture is overwhelming.

How the **** am I suppose to not be madly in love with you.
How am I suppose to sit next you and stop my hands from memorizing you.
How am I suppose to walk next you and not hold your hand.
How the **** am I suppose to talk to you without being overwhelmed by the urge to kiss you.
How am I supposed to speak with you and not flirt or say things that would make you blush till the days over.
How the **** am I suppose to not act like I'm in love with you.
I can't do it.
Especially with you still secretly looking at me how you do.
When you're secretly holding me and holding my hand when nobody's looking.
When you're just coming up and kissing me so quickly that nobody can notice.
How the **** do I stop treating you like I always have?!
Like I have since before we even dated to begin with.
**** this is to hard.
I'm always going to be in love with you...
How the **** am I suppose to do this!?

Everytime I go to write about the things that are hurting me the most...
I just end up crying hysterically

This mental pain is so intense.
Its driving me insane.
I'm losing all control.
Falling back into old crutches.
It's everything I can do to keep distracted from it all.
Yet everytime I allow myself to think for just one second.
All the pain swarms back.
It hurts so much I can't help but scream.
The mental pain is agonizing.
It cripples me.
All I can do is cry and shake uncontrollably.
This pain is killing me.
It hurts so much I can literally feel it through my entire body.
I hide it the best I can.
But as soon as I'm alone all I can do is scream and hope nobody hears me.