Maybe if I paint my lips red
I’ll forget I’m hallow
And maybe if I put on
My favorite skinny jeans
I’ll know what it means to feel
pretty
I’ll remember that
I have tomorrow
And the clinching in my chest
Meant to jest at my own demise
And the way I despise myself
Won’t always show in sad blue water eyes
I can’t hide at the back of the shelf.
I can’t  be stifled by my own sorrow,
Let me borrow your sunshine,
I’ll bring mine tomorrow.

I'm afraid to think
I am only moments from a time,
where the luster in your eyes and
the tilt on your smile
are confined to the degrading
depreciating nature of my mind.
I want to remember you in
all your brilliance,
in all your defiance
in your broken
ragged resilience
I have spent a life time
fallowing
lost notions
misconceptions at the notion that
morality doesn’t come in color,
you are the brightest quilt,
the most colorful humor,
you are a humid summer,
you lovely woman
my father’s mother.
I will hold you tenderly in
my wilting memories.

We meet and I tremble.
Life shifts and I fit
Perfectly aginst your chest.
You said beautiful things
like lets

And I have never heard things
like the things you said,
in your finger tips.

I trip
and I fall to hard
under sharp stars.
Become aware i'm to far under high bars.

So hate me freely
and while i'm broken
I am not needy
needing is for those who think
beyond brething

I feel to far beyond saving,
fingers tremble
life shifting
I'm shaking
praying to empty space
for day to brake

I am faking,
faigning,
saying to much.
Saying nothing not enough,
thinking, thinking thinging

For me to forget ,
for my own sake
that I loved our lust
the magic the star dust.

the smell of musk and
brown eyes
drowned in rememberance
of soft sigh
the lies laced in
each kiss
and unspoken promises

I'm haunted
by falling stars
by falling stars
put out by an ocean of fears

taste of dissapointent
the falling of tears .

I feel like drowning and counting
on stars to drop
wishing on things
that will let me down
like hope
like hoping to drown.

letting my sarrow hold me
in tight grip
untill tomorrow.
the sun is the only star
I should have clung too,
you were the only one
you are every one
I have ever come undone too.

If I were braver I would tell you what I think I know
I would tell you I love you and that
You light up my soul

I Would tell you that it’s true
Even though I know it doesn’t
Make things easy
And the trembling in my scar tissue
Makes me sort of quesy,
Even if you can’t say the same three words to me
And I want it
Or worse yet I’m haunted
That you will…
And I’ll fall to the hallow sound
When your unsure,
I would rather squirm in the silence
Then fall to the pretense
Of a love unreturned.
I think I have learned that love comes in different flavors
And you are all your own.
I love you different than any person
I have ever known.
I’m unsure of how long
This life will let me hold you in my arms
Or if your wit and your charm will be enough
To get us by
But it is no lie when I say
I love you.

I remember being seven and scared,
The ground trembling to the sound of
A smash and the tinkling of broken glass,
My feet bare on the old wood floors,
My heart beats fast as the house sways
My eyes peeled listening to the awful things they say,
Hate resonating in the old bones of this house
I scrabble to the safe corner of my dim room
And papers start to scatter, and my favorite pen hold my
Trembling hand,
And years pass and pages burn ,
I learn to un-hear the awful words I heard.
I buried myself in books and
Sentences, in syllables in a million beautiful words.
I lost stray poems like bits of myself,
I forgot entire chapters of repeated
Life lessons and tried to unlearn
What the hard parts of life teach us.
Escaped to the far reaches, where hopelessness was
Dreadfully close but could never quite reach us.
I would have loved to read,
All the words I spread on empty white sheets,
All the lessons I’d have left for my older me
Stacked in high mountains on those old wood floors,
I would love to explore the lost chapters of myself,
I morn there loss like my childhood identity.
Perhaps every last page
was just one step closer to serenity.

Am I losing my luster ?
I used to shine and pride over words I spilled
I thrilled over each line
Like I had something to do with the way they laid
Delicately over white page, over soft glowing screen
It seems more likely that the words
That rise like high tide beneath my skin
Fall on there own accord and become something more only
After I have come away
Its in our separation, in my
Neglect and abandonment
That others hold, reach handle it and
There is a fine line, I straddle it
Between what the words want
And what I though I’d mean
And the things that you glean reading between
And the prettiest parts of these simple things
Are the ones that you see that far escaped me
Just beyond my intention more an accident then invention.
I just write when the pressure is high
But as any poet or poetess will confess I
Can hardly claim its what I envisioned
As far as pride
These things write themselves
I'm nearly stretching the truth when I claim
I was only here to help.

You are the trembling in my lower stomach
Teeth clinched against my bottom lip
The reason for my slipping focus
The feeling of my heart
Beating so **** hard
Beneath my bouncing *******,
The remembering of how your
Strong arms held me to  
Your perfect, tan, chest
How you lift me up,
You fill me up,
You make me my very best
Bathe me in your needing,
In your wanting
Knowing you want this
How you
Sigh, sinking in and I
Can’t help but think you
Take away my trembling breath
And light me on fire
The next day I breathe a confidence
Lost in my inner goddess
Born from the ashes of our desire.