Knees weak and trembling
Lost to rhythm, lost to times
To the flashing lights and ancient lies
Of your laugh and ****** humor,
To your eyes and wrinkled warped wisdom
With how you always held your hands,
With the million ways you used them
And the games we would play  
All the days spent on repeat  
Poison broken hope hid in hell and
Torment disguising the life and decay
In the bottom of your soul
gone.
Your immense presence dwindling
Into nothing as you cave in.
Defined by your addiction,
Owned and liberated to be
Defined by your prognoses
Still hosting those same feelings
Of self hate, depreciation
Creating your own hell
For temporary damnation
I pray you save yourself,
There’s no one here to help you.
I’m sorry I couldn't stop you,
I’m sorry your life haunts you
Weighs on you taunts you like the guilt
Causing pressure on your chest,
Lung cancer it spreads,
I hate to whisper to myself
Because all that’s left to be said
Is you shouldn't hold your breath.

There is only forward head down,
Gut wrenched in a twist
Step,
Move ,
Closer,
Eyes cast down I pretend I don’t know her,
Until my eyes transcend this mundane
Headed for the door
Utterly perpetual inevitable encounter,
Walk a bit faster,
Take haste
I swear sometimes
That girl in the reflection
Takes chase.
I hate you she’s murmuring
Fresh wounds burning
Fleeting like
The beat of her
Step,
Step,
Steps
Are reassuring.
And this negative self image
Isn't reoccurring.

Skipping pebbles and watching the ripple
Reach out until it fades , or its fingers grasp
At the sand on the edge of the bank.
A sad gesture I think,
It seems Just like me,
Always leaping and reaching
And feeling it fall between your fingers
Drop like shaking knees
Like sand on the bank
Takes some patient observations
To find reason to thank
Salty tears pool like the ones that linger
On my porcelain cheek,
Feeling mild and momentarily
Enveloped in the telling tropical storm
The whirling wind whistling through the hole in my chest
Reminding me I’m torn
The pain of each beat just like the next
Breaking wake against sand
A rip tide against my
Washed out pride
Warm water against my skin
If you would touch my tears
I think you’d understand
The sorts of feelings
I’m wading in.

I couldn’t tell you for sure if I’m realistic
I want to believe in you.
When life spans over a vast canvas
And my life’s encountered so many marks
And sparks and dings and things
its fallen, am I falling?
I'm calling
Hold me
I am aware I will never be prepared.
Hold me like you could know me,
Before and after whatever event
We are looking through
And let me feel you.
Tonight I feel alone
I feel hallow, I feel ashamed
I feel borrowed
I only want to talk and linger
I’m a night stalker and a day dreamer
With no time in-between for sleep
Crawl beneath my sheets and hold me.

Peeling away layers like
They were made of soft cotton
And had buttons ,
You surprise me,
Shows in my sighs I think
Your kiss firm against my inner thigh,
Tongue pressed against my willingness
Expressed in every moment we have alone
Out of eagerness
In the nervous shaking of my fingertips
While I reach for something
Beyond your chest ,
Fallow the rise and fall
And concentrate on how your arms hold me
To the center of everything
While I free fall, eyes closed heart stalled into
This lack of control,
No you wont let me lose myself
And suddenly
I realize the crashing
In my head is just
Walls crumbling to dust,
You are resurrecting
The remains of my broken trust
Brazenly causing the destruction of
My inhibitions with every little
Kiss across my middle,
Along my leg and between my hips
it seems you cause
this
Undue influence
Every time you part your lips.

Are you prepared or even aware that you have witnessed the very beginning of the slow unwinding of me? You’re looking at me like nobody else and witnessing first hand my rediscovery and simplification. Complex structures have failed me I am searching for my foundations. Releasing all hesitations and irrational reservations I have chosen the middle path never the path of least resistance.