Earlier this year I realised something, something I didn’t think I would ever realise. This thing had been hiding in me for a while, a mindset, a way of life, my existence.

I thought I needed you to make me happy. After months of grief, misery and despair. Living one day to the next with no purpose, no feeling of greatness, no hope.

I stopped.

I thought.

I realised.

These things that I crave are not confined to one person. For I found another who would love me, care for me, respect and tolerate me. More and better than you ever could.

I thought my happiness had gone that same day that you left in a flash, with no warning, no explanation and no reason.

But there a times in life where we are faced with challenges, unexpected mountains to conquer, unachievable expeditions that look us square in the eyes when we are at our lowest and yell “surprise!”

But the moment that you reach that summit and throw your body over that boulder at the top like a hurdle in the life olympics, you realise. That person you thought you could never live without has become a thought, a memory that no longer makes you weep when it is summoned. Just a meaningless thought like “I'd better not forget to get milk today”

And the one thing I learned in all of this is that I am always happy, sometimes happiness just goes away to rest for a while, but it always comes back.

Bigger and better than ever before.

I don’t miss you anymore, not the person you’ve become
The old you was the person that I thought was the one
The one that cared and appreciated the things that she had
Was replaced by a stranger with some manufactured fad

How can I miss someone I’ve never met before
As the person that was once there is hidden behind a door
And until that door opens and I don’t know if it will
I can’t stand here waiting for these awful wounds to heal

I won’t waste my time, my energy and my strength
Hoping you’ll try to swim that final length
And reach the shore of enlightenment but utter regret
And become that person that you were once again

Isn’t it funny how things change
At first it may be strange
To have to come to terms with change
You wonder if it’s for the best and you’ll never know
You’ll never know until you’re down and feeling low
And you long for that thing before the change set in
But it’s gone, you lost it, you threw it in the bin