this path i walk is a lonely one
pursued by the shadows in the valley of my past
the bonds of brotherhood go only so far
as to remind me of the reality of solitude
the road of life is paved with lost chances
and littered with the bodies of regret
my conscience overhead like a vulture
picking apart my mind while
my shadow self waits for my soul
my self confidence my drive my life
to shrivel and die blown away on the winds of time
the path of red roses i leave in my wake
leads to my bleeding heart as lovers
tears crimson in this negative world
roll like raindrops then stream down
my tattered wrists
am i broken
breathe
breathe
breathe
inhale (the room rushes in)
or was i just dreaming
(a view of my mine)
(from a subconscious state)

Dark days followed by dark nights

Shadows in the corner know your fear

Ghost whispers play in your ear

Left, right, up, down

Where ever you look darkness surrounds

Can you feel them drawing near?

Sudden fear streaks down your spine

Shivers, chills, stuck in time

Pale forms gliding, they're almost here

Trapped on the spot, heart beating faster

Can't move, can't breathe

Fear rules here

Enveloped in mist, deep and dark

Can't find the light, look in your heart

Ghosts whisper near

All hope lost, almost done

Sit up with a start, where have they gone?

Bright light all around

Sun beating on the ground

Feel no more fear

A quick shadow eclipses the light

A ghost whispers near

i wonder if its bad to hate that im to grounded
that  i cant burn like fire
that i cant hurt myself
that i cant love like i used to
on the outside im fine
on the inside im cold and hard as ice
waiting for fire to burn through
and when i melt will there
be anything left of me?
or will i disappear into
the ether? why cant i 
feel?
is it bad that i
want to hurt myself
want to flip
want *** with no strings attached
want to burn out my lungs with a cigarette
want to take a shot and drown out my memories
want to do it all and hate myself because 
i cant
wont
im too grounded
i feel equally guilty and self hate
guilty because so many need my grounding, should have my grounding
self hate because i want to be just like them
but i cant do
it i dont
have the
courage
the ability to just let go and lose my mind, my barriers
i hate how i stop myself
i hate how i cant follow through
i hate myself for all the wrong reasons

empty the feeling i get
when i think about your
untold secret(s)
be there for her
says my head my heart
yet help you dont need
or so you say
"ill go at it alone
deal with it myself"
self courageous strong to the 
end
product of pain loss care
unrequited love love that
could eclipse a thousand
suns
how can you burn so bright
feel so strong take what
you do hear see and keep
going on
it amazes me awes me to
the point of not knowing what 
to say except i want to be
there i want to help you hold you and
i feel empty because i know i
cant you need to deal with
these demons alone i can
hear you now "now worries no worries"
yet ill worry in secret in my mind
my heart my soul though i say "ok"
cause even if you never told me anything
id worry for you about you with you
cause of my own unrequited love

writing down on paper
thoughts i can't say aloud
can't think aloud i don't
have control over my mind
my pencil, i don't know what
words are going to come out
a labyrinth, a maze through
the darkness of my mind
what emotions am i
feeling i don't know
anger sad hate love
anxiety lost empty
hopeful depressed bastardized
so so lost confused and
urge to write and urge to
feel, i want to get it
out, a thorn, 12 inches in
my heart, how is it beating
how am i going how do 
i live like this, transitions
change, people spiraling out
of control and i don't know
what to do, helpless
this is just the beginning
and my hand can't write
fast enough...

a quick fix
relief for an hour
a pencil, my needle
paper, my ******
i can't write enough
to forget these feelings
for more than an hour
i'm addicted
to a temporary solution
i've got my fix
for
now

is a razor blade cheating?
because i cant feel the pain
i see the blood
drip
drip
dripping down
my knuckles on to the sink
did i really cut that deep?
because i cant feel the pain
as im staining my
sink
skin
red with life
will the color ever come out
have i lost all feeling truly?
because i cant feel the pain
maybe im already
numb
dying
dead
i cant seem to get warm
have i really gone this far?
because i cant feel the pain
carved into my knuckles
drag back
drag forth
substitute emotion
to remind me how i feel
yet im still feeling nothing
nothing
nothing
except for pain

Id like to stop thinking for a moment
just a pause in time
id like to stop thinking for a moment
with this gun of mine
id like to stop thinking for a moment
lock and load
id like to stop thinking for a moment
squeeze my finger
id like to stop thinking for a moment
click, blasting out my mind
id like to stop thinking for a moment
with music from these head phones
ha you thought I killed myself
but the guns in your hand
not mine

that feeling where your stomach sinks
and your body betrays you in your time of need
when glass runs through your veins
and the mirror before you is broken and black
this is when the monsters crawl out from under your bed
and the nightmares you laid to rest haunt your dreams
when she is in everyones arms but mine
and you can see nothing but the future you never had
laughing in your face as you feel like you could crawl out of your skin
finding comfort in the impermanence of the
cigarettes smoke thats dangling from your lips
smoked until the embers are all gone out
how can you feel the sun on your face
when your past enshrouds you in a fog so thick
pulling you back to the places you tried to escape
are you to jaded to love
to hardened to care
apathy
the emptiness of nothing
how have you gotten here
how can you leave
do you want to leave
this feast on your soul
as your mind rots and your future slides
from your fingers and from your bones
looking at all youll never have
a minute
an hour
a day
a lifetime too late
and theres no way to change the present
no way to relive the past
and no way to stop the inexorable march of time to the future
where is the future you never had
why are you hesitating on the bridge, the cliff
the jump
the fall
and the most exhilarating moments of your life
before the end. nothing
there is nothing to be afraid of
coward
*******
labels that mean nothing
only skeletons in the closet hid under the new paint
the false cheer
and the hatred you feel when everything is ok
i want things to be broken
this is how it feels to be alone

the sky is hazy
noon air so heavy it sticks
a storm approaches

the dark clouds tower
columns in a cathedral
a foreboding sign

fast roiling sea
suspended above my head
when will the gates burst

illuminated
purple clouds pregnant with rain
the lightning is blue

the wrath of the storm
rips open the violent sky
the ground shakes in fear

sunlight in the storm
lightning divides a dark sun
it rains yet i see

calm are the heavens
such is the passage of time
the eastward wind blows

the inky black ocean watches, silent, as judgement day's unfurled
unaffected by the passing of time, by the anarchy below
in silk soft silence, chaotic is the death of the civilized world

the once calm waters of the void, now are swirled
smothering the fires of armageddon with its inexorable flow
the inky black ocean watches, silent, as judgement day's unfurled

silver pinpricks of light, into the infinite waters, are hurled
and liquid orange pigment leaks forth, ever so slow
in silk soft silence, chaotic is the death of the civilized world

around this blue and green marble, the vast water is curled
undisturbed by the hate and rage humans show
the inky black ocean watches, silent, as judgement day's unfurled

news of paradise's destruction throughout the heavens whirled
obliteration of one another the human race did bestow
in silk soft silence, chaotic is the death of the civilized world

the vast expanse of the ink black ocean is purled
as the earth was torn asunder with its final death blow
the inky black ocean watches, silent, as judgement day's unfurled
in silk soft silence, chaotic is the death of the civilized world

So this is what it’s like to face the unknown
The ground fast approaching as we fall
Wingless angels seeking paradise
In the sweet release of these earthly bonds
No, not the end, merely a new adventure
Hands, heads, held high in defiance
We chose how to live
We will choose how to die
Free till we pass from one world
Together into the next we go
The air is clear up here
The sun reflects a thousand diamonds
How time seems to slow
Every detail, the world a painting below
Breathtaking we’re breathless
As the ground fast approa---

Autumn's chill wind plays down my neck
while the ghost of you whispers in my ear
mist in the edge of my eye, never out of sight
flowers at your grave, red roses bleeding
into the gray ground, stone angles mark where you lay
dew drops glisten on their faces like tears unshed
its been a year since i killed you, my love
and still you haunt me, a loving nightmare
buried in the soft earth, your bones pierce my heart
and the smell of vanilla fills me with fear
crimson hands never clean this knife
driven into your back and into my soul
i will be ****** with the memories of you
and those who don't believe in ghosts
...have never been haunted by you

A girl named Autumn
reflected on the river floor
or is she drowning?
water or wind blows
her hair flows around
her rose red lips
as pale hands move
reach for the reflection
or grasp for air?

a halo of expanding hopes, dreams, and life

a crimson teardrop, tribute to the fallen one's strife

encircles the head of an angel without wings

a splash of color to these dark streets it brings



porcelain skin, cold as the night's bitter kiss

spiderwebbed with cracks, seeping cool mist

this angel was once a most beautiful thing

bright cut emerald eyes, hair black like raven's wing



the angel in past had lived, loved, and laughed

how tragic this scene, that it could not last

for the angel dreamed flying, to touch the moon

but these dreams awoke jealousy, plotting, and doom



you see, in the city where this angel did live
i
t was mechanical, heartless, and did not forgive

run by the hateful human machine who could not fly

confined to the earth in a rage it would cry



"who is this angel to be different from us?!"

hate did consume it like mechanical rust

it sought a way to grind her into the gears of the machine

"since she is not like us, we'll **** her will to dream"



with that they commenced to wicked dark things

captured the angel and cut off her wings

broken and torn, they left the angel to the dust

content to proclaim "she is now just like us"



but the angel could never assume human form

unable to fly, she could not weather this storm

the moon in the night sky, silver and fair

taunted her mind, dreams turned to nightmare



confined to the ground, humanity rotted her mind

great beauty now gone, with decay left behind

lost to the madness, driven to the edge

the angel, a mere shadow, stepped to the ledge



porcelain skin, cold as the night's bitter kiss

spiderwebbed with cracks, seeping cool mist

the angel looked to the moon, once loved, in the sky

stepped forth, and though wingless, for a moment could fly



for though the hateful human machine

had taken her will to live, love, and dream

it could never break her call to be free

the angel found an escape from this cruel place to be

Tick Tock Tick Tock

The second hand passes

And fire creeps forward

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Flames eating the

Seconds minutes hours

Tick Tock Tick Tock

Nothing but ash

In the Past, Path of the fire

Tick Tock Tick Tock

No one escapes Time

The fire in which we all Burn



Drip Drop Drip Drop

The sharp rain is falling

And crystal frost forming

Drip Drop Drip Drop

Spreading and freezing

Life breath Death

Drip Drop Drip Drop

Nothing but chill

White blue glass, creeping mist

Drip Drop Drip Drop

No one escapes Time

The cold mist in which we lose our mind



Silence

The darkness is coming

And coming quite slowly

Silence

Flowing and twisting

Around you me us

Silence

Nothing but Nothing

Black silk wrapping, feather soft

Silence

No one escapes Time

The final night which we all face alone


Time is the fire in which we burn

Time is the mist in which we are lost

Time is the Night in which we disappear

Time is coming and

Going and

Gone