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Mar 2012 · 2.2k
teenage suicide
Ben Mar 2012
death is blunt.

eloquence means nothing
and charismatic words
don't do a ****

death is blunt.

and infinite reminder
to this finite span of life
a permanent problem
to a temporary solution

death is blunt.

in the end we're all just dust
no emotions, no thoughts
just the soil and us

death is blunt.

the poetic anthesis
anesthesia of the soul
period. end. done.
Mar 2012 · 647
Autumn, you're too cliche.
Ben Mar 2012
Autumn has never looked so beautiful
with red streams overflowing on to pale white banks
rivulets of summers laughter brought forth
with the gentle kiss of sharp ice from winter's depths
to turn from the brightest crimson to black
empty are the eyes of the sun now darkened
and glassy as the last breath of air rustles
through falling leaves
stirring a lock of raven hair gently
as a blanket of fog descends to obscure
colors made vibrant by life in a never ending sea of grey
i love you whispered tree to tree, the last sound heard
before she falls to dreamless sleep
Mar 2012 · 803
an ode to the blue moon
Ben Mar 2012
white wheat caressed by
the essence of orange spice
smooth
oh the silly ideas alcohol make us believe to be good
Mar 2012 · 458
solitary - not by nature
Ben Mar 2012
intertwined branches
                                        shedding the last
                  leaves
                               of fall
no shame
Mar 2012 · 575
beach love
Ben Mar 2012
your breath
                      reminiscent of
                                                  ocean waves
                                                                           lulling me
                  to
                                  sleep
Ben Mar 2012
self-righteous souls
saved from the
everyday run
of the world
skulking throughout
the shadows
cast by the
most holy
fallacy
grasping at
the lost the
unknowing and
the ******
who don't accept
their beliefs as
irrefutable excuses
to be pretentious  
oh how far you will fall when brought                                               low from your exalted pedestal
down on your knees, covered                                                   in the wretched filth of the masses
that you had gazed down upon                                                       in all you hypocritical glory
everyone looks the same when                                                      your eyes have been gouged out
you bleed the same as everyone                                                  when your too-godly heart is removed
you liar, you snake,
you backstabbing ****,
hidden behind
accepting smiles
go forth and
be righteous!
go forth and
beat down the weak!
go forth and fill
the world with
your treacherous,
blasphemous rage!
pray for the
strength to fell
the wicked
non-believers
pray to keep
a closed mind
and to be
unwavering
in your silent
hate, mistrust, and
suspicion of all those
different from you
pray to keep your teeth sharp
to devour those deemed less holy than thou
and go to a fitful, dreamless sleep at night
confident in the knowledge that you are *saved
so i wrote this at church today, sitting there and looking around at all the *holy* people and feeling utterly disillusioned with all the backstabbing and false smiles, all the self-righteous feelings of superiority, and i remembered why i stopped going
Ben Mar 2012
a trip through the river of time
swimming against the inexorable current
impossible except in the realm of memories
transcending the physical boundaries
that keep us anchored to this world
i am free when i can float above you
but i will never be able to change
those decisions that were made, the choices
that could have been, or were never there
i can only look on with regret at those days
that i failed to live, on those days wasted
i will never be 16 again, i will never kiss you
i will never go to that concert, i will never see
as clearly as i do now what i took for granted...
...memories - a fond reminder of the past
...memories - a shard of glass in my heart
...memories - will you ever let me sleep?
Feb 2012 · 1.2k
no one approves of suicide
Ben Feb 2012
the casket was open for the duration
of the service
a black hole beckoning, a step through the door
the great unknown
a muffled cough, a sigh, unease hung in the
air, a cloying fog
i sat near the back, observant of the dry eyes
the looks of disgust
the gathering - most here out of a sense of requirement
than true feeling
the few who knew, eclipsed by the underwhelming
apathy
even less approached the pristine coffin for
a final goodbye
those with a thirst for the morbid (likely)
heartfelt (doubtful)
"daddy always said - be committed in what
you do"
words taken to heart - evident in the cracked void
left by the .44 exit
disinterested in the false emotions of the living
i leave - unnoticed
a ghost at my own funeral
Feb 2012 · 994
a prophetic (?) dream
Ben Feb 2012
pain brought on by an apathetic existence
a desire to taste chaos in the flesh
i ***** my soul, dredged from the depths
as death rises, creaking - a gory deity
from my shattered, broken back
gnashes it's filthy, cracked teeth
this barbed, twisted creature rears it's ugly head
as guttural growls wrench free from a torn
throat - wracked with convulsions, sickeningly
sheds a blood and gristle carapace
reborn into rot, steaming flesh sloughs
from it's face to reveal an impossible amount
of needle-like teeth, stretched into a wicked grin
slowly, like creeping mold, the mouth opens
and regurgitated from it's putrid depths...
...a single beautiful butterfly - spun from the
finest gold, inlaid with the most vibrant precious gems
floating on the whisper of a breeze, it lands
on my empty eyes and begins to feast
beauty in death - maybe incomprehensible beauty, but beauty nonetheless.
Ben Feb 2012
I**

smoked a cigarette
to the sight of the sunrise
thought of our time on this
earth and how it flies

by in a big rush
a never stopping stream
leaving us little time
to live, fight for, and dream

of a brand new day
wait. stop. or a year
instead focusing on every
flaw, secret, fear

of living too little
to pick up a cause
commercial causing consumer
to overwhelmed to pause

this hectic game we call
a required rat race
we're to scared to be
afraid of "first place"

to think that maybe
a life full of money
a life full of stress
is not sweet as honey

maybe we're meant for
more than just this
life of working up a ladder
of a meaningless list

maybe we should live
how we want to be
ourselves as our own
rebel, be happy, be free

...

**** the sun's up
i gotta bus i can't miss
another unfortunate piece
in the meaningless list
...still trying to break out
i'm left to do naught but reminisce
Ben Feb 2012
being the fifth wheel...
...a muttered prayer for
*broken glass
Ben Feb 2012
books drawn

fluttering

like moths to fires
flames promising light
i burned it
Ben Feb 2012
+++++
+    ?    +
+++++++
++++
++++
++++
++++
blood,
   ink,-----+-----quill,
knife,
which one draws lines
while the other takes life
++++++++++
++++++++++
++++++++++
+++++++++
++++++++
++++++++­
++++++++
++++++++
++++++++
+++++++
+++++++
+++++++
+++++++
+++++­+
++++++
++++++
++++++
++++++
+++++
+++++
+++++
++++
+++
++
?
Feb 2012 · 486
Untitled
Ben Feb 2012
not a moment in the present
but an infinite span in the past
flowing like a river about you
the ribbon of time twisting in
soft silken strands, a combination of colors
the brush ever so lightly against
you're upturned enraptured face
eyes so bright, filled with silver stars
as fine filaments of hair float
on a nonexistent breeze blowing
to dance and twirl about your head
an ever-moving halo.

"wonder at all the mysteries of life, my love
for in the future even time itself must perish
lose yourself in the beauty of your being
and all the world shall tremble and stop
to gaze upon one who is truly free"


curiosity kills naught but ignorance
Ben Feb 2012
as i sit here awake
waiting for some comfort
only received by those
who venture into the
depths that the night offers
delusions of peace
and visions of grace
cloud my weary mind
yet do nothing to ease
my troubled heart
is there any truth
to be had from my restless vigil?
i - a sentinel of the moon
i - a watcher of the shadows
i - an eloquent fool
am driven to seek
a respite from the waking world
by staying the hand of
the sandman in hopes that
these mountainous mole hills
may shrink under my gaze
futile? it may be so
yet dreams that may keep my company
scare me more than any
insomnia induced hallucination
Feb 2012 · 713
my mind, my enemy
Ben Feb 2012
i would scream for you
if only i thought anyone
would hear my anguished
cries, carried on a cold
northern wind, almost as
unfeeling as your heart
almost as distant as the
stars that sit on their
flaming thrones in the
vast empty expanse of space
only to look down and judge
me, mock me, with their
beauty, so reminiscent of
the very same that you posses

i hold my breath in this
raging, storming sea
that has flooded my mind
waiting to hear from you once more
a life line to a drowning man
unlikely as the ability to
breathe water as if it were air
Ben Feb 2012
waiting can cause panic
as sure as any fire in the room
while breathing becomes shallow
too little liquid courage
to drown my doubts
left in the puddles that gather
in the cracks of the sidewalks
                                                         - crossing paths
lead to the crumbling wall
that was once impenetrable
that still my heart calls home
my once beating, never ceasing
existence, a fire, a flame, a spark
left to burn down to ashes
a gutted ruin caused by worry
that reigned (rained?) from the sky

a world of color blanketed now
in all the shades of grey
a twilight where i may never
sleep, yet never wake
just race the thoughts that run
circles and circles and circles
in my head as the minutes tick by

i thought i was stronger than this
i told myself that i would not fall
and yet how the best laid plans
of mice and men fly to the wind
at the chance of love, the greatest
walls crumble at the chance to belong
and the very essence of my soul
strains at bonds, slips free
and sings to the sun of its hope

hopeless i am
lost in the ocean
emotion overflows
and yet i sit in my sinking ship
and refuse to feel, fail, and feel again
Feb 2012 · 5.5k
equality?
Ben Feb 2012
equality; a perpetuated falsehood.
unfettered
THE POWERFUL devour *the weak
Jan 2012 · 1.3k
wings
Ben Jan 2012
fragile shell how can you hold me
how can you keep my wings under wraps
when my spirit so wishes to soar free

bound by gravity to this wretched place
i seek nothing more than to loose these bonds
and transcend time and space
Jan 2012 · 843
be(lie)ve
Ben Jan 2012
angelic being -
the god machine incarnate
the truth lies to me.
"Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ."- Romans 10:17

"We honored man by the gift of free will. Half of him is honeybee, the other half snake. True believers are stores of honey. Stores of poison are those who do not believe." - Rumi, "Mathnawi"

"Have faith, my Child, have faith. Do not be bewildered. For you are beyond all things, The heart of all knowing. You are the Self. You are God." - Ashtavakra Gita 15:8

Sakka asked the Buddha: "Do different religious teachers head for the same goal or practice the same disciplines or aspire to the same thing?" "No, Sakka, they do not. And why? This world is made up of myriad different states of being, and people adhere to one or another of these states and become tenaciously possessive of them, saying, 'This alone is true, everything else is false.' It is like a territory that they believe is theirs. So all religious teachers do not teach the same goal or the same discipline, nor do they aspire to the same thing. "But if you find truth in any religion or philosophy, then accept that truth without prejudice."- Digha Nikaya
Ben Jan 2012
.              frothing.
    
                                 seething.

                                                  roiling.

    ­                                                            a tempest
  
                                                                ­                       brewing.

                                                       ­                                                  anger

                                                          ­                                                            strik­es

                                                             ­                                                                 ­      like

                                                     ­                                                                 ­                        lightning
Ben Jan 2012
unsolicited advice from ignorant elders falls upon deaf ears.




*hypocrite!
Jan 2012 · 989
to the girl i never met
Ben Jan 2012
a hollow glass heart
filled with the blood
of all your past loves
beats with the sound
of crystal breaking
fragile to view
yet harder than diamonds
deceiving - danger where
beauty is known to
haunt my soul
red turned to the darkest
black, a whirlpool inescapable
by all who have fallen under
your spell, none leave
unscathed, most leave
broken and empty
shells of humanity
flirting with you
akin to placing my
mind in the jaws of a jackal
razor teeth hidden behind
luscious, soft, lips
Jan 2012 · 594
l(over)
Ben Jan 2012
the feeling of love
a long lost friend
left due to disuse,
distrust, a lack of
motivation for lack
of better words
to cynical?
to jaded?
or just to scared?
to bridge that gap
to take the first step
the feeling of love
all but forgotten unlike
the very real, very close
feeling of pain, of loss
of being alone
of causing another harm
do i dare take the leap
do i dare risk the fall
the inevitable or is it?

my heart searches
screams out to the void
for a companion
answers hidden
and only hears its own
echo
        echo
                 ech
                        ec
                             e
                                .








*i am so very alone
Jan 2012 · 811
killing - a love story
Ben Jan 2012
sinuous, sleek
predatory in nature
from the shadows
of my conscience  
creeping to the forefront
of my mind

wrapping oh so
sseenssuuaallyy
around my thoughts
infiltrating into the dark
crevices of my soul

with the hissing sound
of deceptive claws unsheathing
- black and cold,
flaking rust
stroking my spine
shivers arousal

prowling through my heart
slowed to non existent beating
i feel my fingers, soft silk
flexing to steel cables
caressing oh. so. lovingly.
around
your
throat

with a last breath... gasp... *my love
Jan 2012 · 443
who are you?
Ben Jan 2012
flesh, blood, bone, muscle
chemicals, emotions, thought.
seven word human?
Jan 2012 · 1.2k
imagine love
Ben Jan 2012
lost in a liquor haze
lies like a one night stand
mutual attraction of mundane ideals
forbidden words whispered in defiance
of social, cultural, family expectations
beneficial partnerships lacking soul
money, money, money, money
sensual *** without a second thought
bodies viewed as replaceable objects
experiments of genders one or two
big and small, thin and wide
lips to lips to lips
bravado or a bet, charisma
another one added to the tally

or

the feeling of falling and knowing there is a net
of giving ones whole being without a second thought
living for another, living like each ay could be its last
time spent apart seems like millennia
that fabled, sought after kiss - transcending time
the fabled sought after touch - one that reaches the core
a thousand diamonds could not rival the beauty
the brilliance, the acceptance of flaws and all
emotions not meant for this lifetime alone
but to traverse the ages, written about
talked about, wished upon, searched after
understanding these four letters for all their worth

can we?
can we imagine love?
Jan 2012 · 568
a life lesson from dogs
Ben Jan 2012
life, like war, can seem
chaotic to say the least
yet, my dog still sleeps
Jan 2012 · 753
the mirror
Ben Jan 2012
the mirror, once a pristine silver surface
useful for the lucid view of ones own soul
in the years since passed since first unveiled
has become tarnished with the rust of others negative thoughts
has become cracked and broken with perceived fatal flaws
has been knocked over, thrown about the room
pushed through walls, stomped to the ground in fits of self hate
colored black with the slow snaking ink of depression
the mirror, once a beautiful thing to behold
showing the true form of ones character
reflecting the gorgeous image of oneself (inside and out)
now has been reduced to an ugly evil device
tormenting all who gaze upon it and see themselves
writhing, squirming, twisted and grotesque a truly wretched form
for it no longer shows oneself as one knows thyself to be
but instead reflects the views of the outsiders, people known only to see
flaws, to be jealous, to hate, to want to destroy any beauty or thought
of self worth, confidence, those who hate themselves.

so a word from one whose mirror is broken
who does not know if he can mend and repair
~ you are beautiful
~ you are unique
~ you are special
~ you are loved
you are how you view yourself - so protect your mirror
Dec 2011 · 328
top words I
Ben Dec 2011
understand thy sea*!


there great men saw die
times voice,
makes close feet
stand best,
stay,

touch, felt, truth told
this poem was constructed using each of words once from one of the top words list hello poetry generates on its Browse page
Ben Dec 2011
one misses
                     &
one cannot
know

the true

(inner) beauty

of an individual (portrait. masterpiece.)

if one

colors over

that artist's painted canvas (life)

with their own

(expectations) brushes
(experiences) markers



**especially if they draw with sharpies
Dec 2011 · 458
keep away from ledges
Ben Dec 2011
-                                    u
                          ­        j       m
i may let go and                  p
                                      
                                                   f
                                                     r
                                                       e
                                                         e

                                                          f

 ­                                                         a

                                                          l
    ­
                                                          l
    ­            


                                                          d

                      
                                                          r


  ­                                                        e  


                                                          a


­                                                          m


   ­                                                       n


      ­                                                    i


         ­                                                 n


            ­                                              g


               ­                                        stop.
Ben Dec 2011
and                                                              ­                                                            
that backseat "love" lasted only as long as the night
as the memories rush in that morning try as i might
to keep you outta my mind, you're holed in there tight
a battle between "love" and lust...(hint) love lost the fight.
we                                                        ­                                                                 ­   
caused kisses shared between those wet rival lips
and bare skin touching, form a feeling at these hips
down unbuttoned jeans that your small hand slips
hear that sound, like tearing, as our "innocence" strips.
*******                                                          ­                                                              
fo­rmed foggy windows from our skin we shared
and dissolved to nothing, ha, like we ever cared
  discoveries made at night shed light on how we faired
the sounds of "love" from my speaker actually blared
(lust)                                                                                                                          
.
Ben Dec 2011
summer burns throughout your hair

angel?

devil?

you're still there
Dec 2011 · 5.5k
hookah
Ben Dec 2011
hookah connection
relaxing, thought provoking.
the waitress is cute
Dec 2011 · 1.8k
surprise!
Ben Dec 2011
seaweed salad on the side
salty, delicious...

...is THAT octopus!?
Ben Dec 2011
i'm wrapped in strings and
your'e the one whose tying knots
i'm taking shots and
you're this must see ******* the spot
hungover at three and i'm at my best,
kicking and screaming - your'e a hot mess
wake up wake up it's all going down now
get out get out i can't stand this place now
go on go on there's no holding back now
i'm the one whose leaving and you can't even call my name
my vision's blurry and i can't walk straight,
your'e wrecking hearts, burning bridges, playing fate
and i'm smoking three packs everyday,
you're the one who made me this way
you and me aren't meant to be and
now this song is going out of key
look at all these times we shared
i'm seeing double and it's almost as good as being there
Dec 2011 · 462
it's cold in here
Ben Dec 2011
would you miss me if i
died
would you even shed a tear
would anyone i know even
cry

would i haunt you in your sleep
a shadow
a ghost
a secret
you couldn't keep
am i killing you?

if i disappeared tomorrow
what would be left unsaid
don't come to my funeral
it's to late, i', already dead

you had your chance
no one heard the words i said
no one read the signs and now it's to late
I've gone over and given myself to
fate
Dec 2011 · 601
a conversation
Ben Dec 2011
i hate myself as much as i love you
he said
how much do you love me*
she said



..a lot
Ben Dec 2011
where do you go
                               to lose yourself
                                                           to shed your shell
and come out - scared - broken
to

    b
       l
         e
           e
              d

without a sound, shuffle, sigh...

are we all defective - twisted - lost?

where do you go to die?
Dec 2011 · 900
holiday motto
Ben Dec 2011
WWJCPD?**
(what would JC Penny's do?)
sell christmas 15% off
Ben Dec 2011
Merry Christmas!!
...if you're Christian 
Happy Holidays!!
...if you're not
Ben Dec 2011
"oh... it's... beautiful...?"*
(how much did it cost?)
...not enough...
Dec 2011 · 788
christmas family politics
Ben Dec 2011
ignorant *****
arrogant *******
the king of the hill
....dethroned
Dec 2011 · 829
finals part II
Ben Dec 2011
brain dead
                   sleep deprived
caffeine high

*the end is nigh
Dec 2011 · 1.5k
I am. (colorless).
Ben Dec 2011
achromatic.
                      adrift.*

in this
               polychromatic world.


monochromatic views.

breed

duotone intolerance.
Dec 2011 · 545
twilight
Ben Dec 2011
the moment between.

                                        sunset.

                                       nightfall.                                      

                                                       when all cats are grey.
Dec 2011 · 512
winter makes me lazy
Ben Dec 2011
if it wasn't
                   so
                       cold
                                 out
i wouldn't have a problem walking anywhere
just
to
get
                                 out
Dec 2011 · 546
paradox
Ben Dec 2011
a sinner seeking redemption
                                                   will he ever touch heavens gate?
Dec 2011 · 2.2k
kabuki theatre
Ben Dec 2011
white
                red
                            black
graceful contortionist
             hidden
               faces


samurai?
demon?
princess?
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