with smoke tainted breath i sit and watch the night pass by
a silent guardian to watch my waking thoughts
the blinking traffic light tick tock ticks my life into pieces
a second hand reminder of the passing time flies
i reminisce on thoughts once alive and
create a late night fantasy in my mind
of life once lived to the fullest extent
only available in dreams brought on by death
the air is chill a cool reminder of the progressing season
where even the earth finds itself locked in throes of ecstasy
at the mere idea of change
the sky, towering sentinels that keep their eyes to the heavens
for any sign that this chaotic life will sink in calm waters
it smells like rain and the smell is sweet
caress my heart with a sense of longing as i create
this poem of cliche meaning
i live to love and love to live with lover in hand and
a night beneath the stars
only spoke about in hushed voices for song would break the spell
if this city wakes
i find myself asking the empty air for answers to these
dilema questions only meant for rhetorical ears
a writers lament
the cry of the mocking bird
syncs with the pass of a car
sweetly soft in a partners sigh
repetitive to most
these lips taste like honey and
my soul is free to wander to home
where you lay sleeping
safe and sound in the sea of mist
that separates the lost from the jealous eyes of unforgiving rest
a movement without meaning draws inspiration
for zen meditation
my coffee is getting cold

how tired how tired
the caged bird sings
before its beautiful neck snaps
between the claws of an angry
fat cat drool
drip drop dripping the ghoulish rubies
that snake past its serpent tongue and
sizzle when they touch its breast
scream like a banshee a women in the
throes of **** as the cats sternum
breaks between the iron clap jaws
of the three headed abomination
cerberus
guardian of the judicial powers
champion of the executive law
enforcer of legislative judgement
slobbering grasping all encompassing
maw envelopes my heart in its
wretched gnashing teeth
and **** my marrow from my bones
with a sharpened gore covered protuberance called security
i see the death of my passions
in this hellish cycle - abomination birthed
from the depths of an elitist mind
control - a choke chain on the masses

but what do you do when
this machine made world you live in
rusts and breaks and comes apart
into a thousand blood red screws and gears
slowly spinning to a stop with a
half hearted sigh
no more the will to crank and turn
the dynamo that orbits these steel caged
heavens
glowing white blaze hot in the fire
of this unforgiving sun
the pavement is cracked and uneven
the weeds look grey to the world weary
eyes
ashes to ashes dust to dust we
all fall down as the plague doctor
takes off his mask to dark pits of despair
the blackness burns! with a cold heat
where run these feral dogs when this
intricate contraption ceases to power
these city streets
all i taste is soot
my hands are numb
the sky weeps hot flakes of my soul

am i who i ever want to be
or will i ever seek the meaning
to these life questions
my favorite breakfast food
the color of the shirt i wear today
music
tattoos
love
life
death
***
taxes
and the rest
blend together in a tempest
of thoughts that flash before my eyes
who am i who am i who am i
and if i knew the terrible truth
could i look myself in the soul
or would i just lie
the most futile pursuit of this world
is not freedom happiness love
but knowing oneself inside and out
we all lie
to save face with ourselves

where is the girl for me?
quirky fantasy broken
a piece to the puzzle that doesn't fit
infront of my eyes?
or never to be found
in this sea of humanity
solitude, self inflicted
to the extent that she's not for me
will i always have unrealistic expectations
that will remain unfulfilled
a media dream
product of countless late night stories
to be to exist
in this sphere
where no distance
is far enough away
to stop the ache in my chest
to cease the pounding behind my eyes
a facade
please tear down these cheerful walls
please fill the space between my fingers
please please please please
an empty cry to a nonexistent deity
is it my fate to be alone
no answer on the blowing wind
"silence"

a chance on the breeze
scented vanilla and honey
turns sour in my eyes my heart
aches with the weight of this world
atlas! spare me this burden
my shoulders are breaking
my spine is collapsing
and the ground is crumbling beneath
my feet
ye gods old and new
answer my whispered prayers
in torment i raise my face to the
beautiful heavens and weep
for the human condition
a vulture circles my head
a halo of never ending sunlight
starlight bright is its gaze
i search for the cool comfort of the moon
while my heart beats beats beating
hollow in my empty breast
pagan am i
heathen of the altar
i sacrificed my first born to the
unfeeling elite to consume my shell
of being
there is no rest for these weary feet
blistered and bleeding i follow
this path to the cavernous abyss
to the cave to the comforting darkness
of illusions wrought with fire and
shadows
and as these chains clap shut on
my wrists and ankles and mind i am
no longer afraid
i join the fold and stare vacant
from empty eyes dead and dreaming