my vices are devices
through which ideas flow from my mind
as readily as ink flows to my skin

they allow me to express
the beauty of sitting still for an hour
with nothing on your mind

while these cigarettes
burn through a year to my life
and the courage that flows through my veins  
is supplied by my local thought dealer

a key to my mind
its seems that i an unable to write
what i think what i feel
without this passage of time
in which i may not have
full control of my mind

but what is a few years of my life
to sacrifice
if i can show how its meant to be alive

and i can live and love and laugh
as much as the next person does

but i must cut a bit deeper than the knife
in the gloved hand of fate
that denies me this wish

this wish to be free of what you call bliss

i write so i am
i think just because
but these words do not flow
without some from some cause

Crooked smiles breaking after midnight
Diamond eyes sparkle in the electric light
Running through through this modern town
We own the night
 As the lights dance upon our starry gaze
Invincible we fly towards heaven bound
This liquid silver runs coursing through our veins
And gives emotions thoughts yet unbound
And we sail ever toward the moon 
In ships made of fine gold thread spun 
From the suns last heavy sigh
I look towards the sky
And see innumerable burning seraphim
Dancing dancing in this city's glow
Of opportunities spread through our time
And chances mistook for mistakes
That led to a night of passion
Dripping dripping with tears unshed
We loved like lions and never once left
Our cocoon of embers never shed
I love I love I pronounced to the
Unending ocean of dreamers lay dreaming
As this body coalesced 
And my soul intertwined with yours
Forming a living breathing breath

i am selfish, self-pitying, jaded, ever seeking for some new meaning
tell me that you aren't too and i'll call you a liar with my eyes
because my mouth would never speak out against the truth of this world
that we all live for ourselves in the depths of our minds, in the labyrinth
with walls made out of sharp feelings and rusting emotions burning

i am at home in these depths, these dismal depths of self-feeling
of knowing through hours of introspective meditation that i will never be enough
but neither will you, neither will you my darling, it just has yet to reach
catastrophic proportions of this living tragedy to see that this sea of life
will only take, will only wash away

Bleeding In my own wold
 I am serene
I am ******* buddah
An exemplary  exhibit of how
To be calm in a storm 
How to stand on my own in the waves
That crush my shoulders
That smash my chest 
That bring me to my knees
**** the rules
And I defy the gods of this world
I raise my voice
In a defiant hymn 
I rebel
I exist through my will
And I will not be brought low
I am flesh blood and bone
I am because I am
And my thoughts roam these 
Unsavory waters
I will fight these demons
I will become what I may
And relentless I will purge
My soul
I scream till my eyes bleed
And I know what it means
To eat the heart of my enemies

Here's one shot for giving up 
And one more for giving in
Without a fight
When nicotine and alcohol
Can't dull the sense of the end
Trying to win with a losing hand
The cards I've been dealt never stack
Quite as high as the sky
The stars look so bright alone
That empty space magnified
Do we know that we're truly alone
Or does it take the bitter taste
Of one more rejection
To cross the line
A photo finish that no one read
Care is a concern for the snowy trees
The mysteries of life hold nothing
For an ant like me
Grind me under your heel
Grind me, a nuisance with my heart
Left longing for what
I look for answers in the moving train cars
But the perspective is only a blur
Colors flash by in meaningless shapes
To love or to live
That is the question my dear
With only one answer
And it is nothing, nothing that these ringing ears
Want to hear
The burning bridge can only moan
Under the weight of this heavy soul
Weighed down with too many years
Of beating half empty
The blood is oxygenated
Sparkling wine will only go so far
Before the chill sets in
Marlboro 27 specials kiss my lips
And lead me down this path
One step closer to death
If only I could inhale
You

There will never be a ******* the beach
For a guy like me, to absorbed in self doubt
To truly live a life filled with adventure
Yet I sit here and smoke another cigarette
In the hopes that it will somehow change my future
Yet the spirals of smoke mean nothing to eyes
That cannot decipher the future in tea leaves
I am powerless to change this slump that I reside in
A king of a decaying kingdom
A knight with no armor
Pierce my lungs my heart my eyes my soul
And let me bleed to peace in death
I eat unicorns

we live between the panels in the unfamiliar life
time happening scene to scene with no interlude
no interlude for the weary actor who longs for a respite
a glass of water to clear a parched dry throat
yet the curtain never falls on this comic book scene
the hero never rests and so loses his mind to the constant
never ever ever ever ending stream on conscientious objections
to pursuing the greater good, not for the individual but for the whole
the wolf brings down its prey for the sake of the pack and yet
my teeth bite down on nothing but air, involuntary
the sky calls to those who wish to be free of these intentions
of plots within circles within groups within cliches
truth will set you free to explore the recesses of the darkest mind
but the blue pill will grant you sleep