I find myself slipping
back into the love I had for you
like sliding down the tub
submersing my head
till every sound outside
is muffled and distant
how I love the world below the bubbles
that float on top of the bath
so peaceful, and serene
but I cannot stay under too long
enjoying the separation from reality
for no matter how wonderful it may seem
detached, submersed
eventually I have to come up for air
and hear it all for real,
above the water

Oh, dear dreamy night
how doth the day give light
when you seem so endlessly dark
Oh long lost peaceful rest
my aider and ally to looking my best
I have forgotten where to find you
Oh, warm cozy snuggled bed
thou art the place where I used to lay my head
as from tosses and turns, sleep no longer prevails
Oh, you always chattering, noise filled mind
how you're relentless, that I shall never find
a moments peace to just slip away
to that sugar plum, candy coated, sleep filled
night that greets the day

I used to like to run
run like the wind,
just to see how fast I could go
and now I run
but to escape , to get away
you see,
I have trouble looking my demons in the eye
I am cowardice, weak, afriad
afraid that the fire burning in their eyes
will consume me, ruin me, burn me
leaving charred ashes of this person I hate
who's too afraid tell you the truth
too afraid to take her rose coloured glasses off and see the world for what it really is
too afraid to admit to herself that the reason she doesn't stand up
and shrug your shackles off her shoulders
why she doesn't tell you everything she should
why she stands at the mirror, poking and prodding
wishing her waist was thinner, her ******* were bigger
her legs were longer, her feet were smaller
her eyes less empty
she is afraid, afraid of one small little word
no
No I won't listen, No I don't care, No I won't love you
No, you can't have your way, you can't stay
and so she locks up her words, in the safe
in the pit of her stomach, in the far reaching backwoods of her mind
like drying cement it weighs her down
solidifying her veins, till her heart can't beat
stiffening limbs stopping her feet
from moving forward down the street
she is stone, a hollow, statuette of herself
till her screams shatter her way out, and break free
and then she runs

This is for the doers and the seekers
the straight arrows and the tweakers
this is for the movers and the shakers
the hungry, unemployed and the money makers
this is for the girlfriends, and the secret ******
the ungentlemenly men and the ones who still hold doors
this is for listeners and the hearing deaf
the right wingers and for the liberal lefts
this is for the child who's awake at night afraid
and for the parents who'll regret not being there one day
this is for the academic scholars, and the high school dropouts
the meek, quiet talkers, and the ones who curse and shout
this is for the homeless and those braking banks to afford their mortgage rates
the healthy ones and the ones who's lives are in the hands of the fates
this is for the elderly and ones who's lives are not yet found
this is for you my brothers and sisters
for it takes all kinds to make the world go round

I've spent the last 3 months in rehab
rebuilding myself after you tore me down
and admittedly there's still pieces of me I haven't found
little pieces at the bottom of your sea, drowned
It's a struggle everyday to get by
yet as time passes, nanoseconds at a time
I remember less how great you felt,
how without you I though I'd die
And like every ****** and great addiction
I relapse, back into my rose coloured world of fiction
as much as I long to be clean, I guess I subconsciously
like it better when you're mean, ruthless
and equate me to dirt, as though I like it better
when it hurts
or else why, what keeps me falling back
with every unintentional relapse
and though I may not physically let you in
your venom that I crave seeps into my skin
that every time I acknowledge your existence
you win
Now, I know this isn't a game, win or lose
it's that dark, shadowed, familiar path I choose
because pain is always better shared between two
And, thus I'm back to rehab today
so that I might find a better way
to hold myself up and to myself say
It was never love,
just a drug induced hallucination
my chemical flooded brain caused adoration
and the constant feeling of fascination
that you're immune to it all
and it's my favorite addiction
but I can't last as a ******
cause this is real life, fact not fiction.

I'm stained
                    like spilled coffee
on my white blouse
                     and I'm broken
like the fallen off chain
                     on my bicycle
I am hopeless
                      like the drunkard
staring down the bottom of the bottle
                      I'm lost
just like a child
                     who's run too far from home
and I'm alone
                      just like you
on the night you never came back
                      and I carry it with me
like a stain
                      of spilled coffee on my blouse
till the day I find that stain remover
                      known as Heaven's gates
beyond the clouds