It's a shame that you sleep fine and I'm left sitting on the balcony using my wrist to put out the cigarettes I need to fall asleep.
Why are you okay? Why am I not?
You're the one taking medicine. I'm the one killing myself.
How come you like seeing me so utterly upset when all I want is to see you laugh again?

What a sad existence
Waiting by the phone
Looking out the window
Sitting in lecture
Listening to sad songs
Watching you laugh with someone else
Smoking on the train
Willing to die just to feel something
Just to see what it's like

Where do you go?
When the light fades from your eyes and you turn your face from me
Where do you go?
When your smile floats from your lips and you lose yourself
Where do you go?
When I'm not around to feel your heart beat next to mine
Where do you go?
When you watch raindrops collect on your windowsill
Where do you go?
When you see the world without any light
Where do you go?
When I kiss you before you board the plane
Where do you go?
When you don't call me back for days and weeks
Where do you go?
When you refuse to speak when I ask you
Where do you go?
When you can't help but cry in front of a mirror
Where do you go?
It must be a horrible place and I want you to **stay here with me

I'm not going to say it's easy loving someone with depression. It's difficult, it's repetitive, it means taking one step forward and two steps back. Sure, it's not easy but if you do it right it will be the most beautiful thing you ever do. They never listen when you compliment them. But when they can't see their worth it's like a masterpiece that is just yours to marvel at. Don't be discouraged when a bouquet of flowers doesn't make them smile. Don't get angry when they sleep in the other room. Keep bringing them flowers, keep brewing warm cups of tea, keep trying. Because on good days there is nothing more beautiful than their smile or the sound of their laugh. Some days you may want to give up. Just remember why you've loved them this long. Remember the freckles on their face or the curve of their lips and the way they keep you coming back even on dark days. You can't solve anything but you can hold their hand while they face the world. You can't stop the bad days but you can wipe tears from reddened cheeks and kiss the monsters away for the night. You can't promise it will be over tomorrow but you better promise to be there when tomorrow comes.

You are my air, my sun, my moon, my stars, my life.

You’re in the breeze, the ocean, the trees and the sidewalks.

You take each breath for me and every drop of blood coursing through my veins is yours.

You fill up every second, minute, hour and day.

You haunt my dreams, nightmares and every waking moment.

Your voice is in every love song I hear.

You live in every tear that rolls down my cheeks because they’re all for you.

You place every blade to my skin because it’s the only way you’ll know you’re beautiful.

You’ve made my life wonderfully and tragically lovely.

You are every bit of me and when I turn to dust I shall live inside your heart.

You saved me and you will be the death of me.

We drink to make each other more tolerable.
Whiskey washes over the painful memories of broken trust and promises.
I don’t remember the last time we didn’t fight.
It’s like I love you too much to care anymore.

I’d give you the world if I could,
but that’s easier said than done.
You don’t want me to be so kind to you;
and that’s something I’ll never understand.

Don’t forget who I was before you tore me apart.
I was a pieced together puzzle;
until deconstruction became your hobby.
You became my demise.

Tears trickled down my wrinkled shirt the day you left.
In our life wine rhymed with love
and water tasted like sacrifice.
There are only so many wounds liquor can heal.

New stains painted my shirts,
not tears or wine.
Red cuffs covered up memories of you.
Blood washed down the drain just before you came back.

Now it’s too late to save us.
Maybe we were doomed from the start.
But I’ll refuse to believe we weren’t perfect for each other.
Not until God tells me otherwise.

I suppose I’ll see him soon and ask for His opinion.
Your embrace has never felt more soothing
as my vision blurs to black.
You whisper sweet thoughts you should’ve said before.

We drank to make each other more tolerable.
I couldn’t think of someone I’d rather tolerate.
When I embark from dark to light I’ll remember you.
I love you too much to care anymore.