shabdon ka khel iss layak nahi,
ki jang mein utar pao tum.
dekhna hoga, kya ijazat,
ki le lun tumse tumhara ghum?

agar mana paun tumko,
toh sambhal lun khud ko—
par dikkat yahi,
ki tum mere the hi nahi, kabhi.

ye jo ghoomte hai
kehte hue ki sab likha hai
kya itni aasani se mai maan lu?
bas keh diya – ki likha hai
toh ** gaya, badal gaya sach?

kab tak –
ek baar ko theek, do baar ke liye theek
har baar, likha hai– likha hai pehle se hi sab sambhala hua hai
toh kya hoon mai? ek zariya?
koi khel raha ye khel, aur mai sirf ek – mohra?

parinda woh jiski rooh tak bhi udne mai rehti
uske parr hi kaat do aur bol do – tujhe udna tha hi nahi

jo zeher khakar zinda reh gaye,
usse aadat bhi ** jaati – rukne ki, gir kar uthne ki, sambhalne ki
kaise maan lu ki bas, kisne ek dafa likh diya
jo hona tha, jo hota aaya
woh mai kuch nahi, koi aur kuch nahi

kabhi mann karta inn sabse ladne ka
jhagadne ka
dhoondhne ka,
jaha kuch bhi ye sab likha hua aur usko mita dene ka

lekin kya mai bachungi?
kya mai rahungi?
jo mai hoon, kya waisi ban sakungi?

ye agar ek kahani hai,
aur agar har ek woh insaan jo mere kareeb
aur jiska bhi jaana mumkin, namumkin – jo kuch bhi, jaise bhi
vaise hi
qubool bhale hi na kar saku
ladne ko aur cheekh ko sunne ko
tu rahega?

agar mai in haathon par bani hui ye rekhayein
mita bhi dun
aur jo kuch bhi hai, uska sab ulta kar du
kya woh mere haath mai, meri khud ki kahani
kya siyahi meri hogi?

kya ye meri zindagi hi hai ya kisi aur ki?

aur haan! ek baat aur
abhi suni, padhi aur dekhi
ki do log – jinko aana hota hai ek doosre ki zindagi mai
unka jaana bhi hota hai, jaise hi waqt ka kaanta ghoom jaye
aur ghadi wahi aakar ruk jaye, jaha likhi gayi thi unki kahani

ki kaam hua poora, ek doosre ke liye
ab chalte hai, aur saath reh kar – aas paas hokar bhi na mil sakenge kabhi bhi
jisne bhi is sab ko naam diya,
mann karta hai cheen loon usse jo bhi khushiyaan usko mili,
sirf is ek baat par—

baaki ek darkhwast,
bas ek dor, ek dafa dekh lena jab tu nikle
mat modna, mat mudna, mat dohrana
bas dekh lena
ki haan, jaanta tha tu mujhe

aur mai?
mai toh yahi rahungi
apne liye, hum sabke liye
jo chale gaye, jo jaate jaate reh gaye aur jo hain
un sab ko agar bhar sakti, toh daal deti ek pitaare mai
jiski chaabi sirf mere paas hoti
band kar deti, chhupa deti naseeb aur un taaron se
jo karte hai meri bayaan zindagi
nahi maanti mai



(keh deti hoon, par maanti hoon
bas jaana kisi kisi ka uss aag mai chingari ki tarah
ki lad kyu nahi sakti?
ek baar muqaddar se jhagad ke, sabke khilaaf jaake
usko paa kyu nahi sakti?
kya likha hua hi patthar par lakeer?
taare badalte har pal
kya tab bhi maan lu jo ek baar keh diya gaya?
koi mauka hi nahi, badalne ka?)


sambhal jaungi, tu apne aap ko sambhal lena
khilaaf mere agar hona chahe
toh upar se guzarte hue dariya ko dekh lena
mai sabke khilaaf hokar bhi sabse judi hui
hai tujhme itni taqat? ruk sakta tu kuch pal ke liye hi?

magar dard mile toh mat sehna.

agar jaana sab ko hi hota hai
aur jaana likha bhi hai
aur ye dard, ye pyaar, ye jo bhi hai – baandhe hue doori aur ab gume hue woh haath
jo pakad ke rakhe the ek baar
khoobsurti kaise dhoondhu inme, jab yahi dukhte sabse zyada
har ek woh tukda jo de dete ek doosre ko
milte kaha woh wapas?

kuch iss qadar neend
meri aankhon mai,
maano sapno ki patri par se utri,
teri baahon mai aa giri.
shayad ye nazar ka dhokha,
ya phir kismat ka woh khel—
kya sach, kya khwaab,
ek kitaab ka woh panna—
sambhlna mushkil,
teri aankhon man samana namumkin.

lekin likha har lafz dohrata,
wahi sur, wahi taal, aur wahi geet.
mera gungunana, tujhe sunana,
aur tera naam mere hoton par aate hi
sharma jana.

khwabon mai hi sahi,
kam se kam kareeb toh *** tere.
asliyat mai kaha mauka,
kahan ijazat,
jab kareebi teri kisi aur ke saath,
aur naseeb mera,
mera haath pakde hue.

kahi phas gyi toh?
galat jagah, galat logo ke beech
agar nikal na paayi toh?

sochne wali baat kuch aisi—
dekhi zindagi, mili unsabse
gaate rehte ye woh geet
ki kaise, kahan se shuru hui kahani.
ab keh dene ke liye hai toh kaafi;
par kya matlab, kya hai kuch azaadi?

ek darr rehta hai, har waqt,
seene mai aise daba hua sa
ki kahin dikh na jaye kisiko,
koi padhna le.
padd gyi pyaar mai aur nikla woh galat?
kardiya kuch jo nahi karna tha; kho baithi zindagi par hakk?
har cheez mai, saans lete hue,
galti se gehri leli aur bhool gyi kaisi aur kyu bharni ye aas.
kho baithi khudko iss duniya mai, kisi aur ke paas?
toh sambhalne kon aayega?
log toh chor dete na saath?
kuch anhoni hojaye, toh lelete ek kadam
peeche, hamesha peeche—
jis raaste aaye the, nikal jaate darwaaza band krke.

bachta kon?
mai, galtiyan, aur woh khamoshi
jo kehti, dheere se, yaad dilati.
yahi hota hai, jab chahkar kareeb aajate hai aanjaan saath.

gehraiyaan kaisi, jinme dubte hue mann lagta hai;
woh khauf, kaha, kisise dil lagane deta hai?
kabhi legaya woh phir, wapas na aaya mudke.
toh bikhre hue kaise rehna hai, ye kon samjhayega mujhe?

jaan se anjaan jo hojaye—
sochne wali baat:
kaise kaise bikhar sakte;
itne saare tareeke, aur wahi purani raat.

sukoon kaha milta hai?
agar intzaar karti rahi toh chalke aayega mere darwaaze tak?
aur mohabbat? dosti? yaari? woh rishte jo bachpan se saath?
unka kya?

jaate jaate rehjate
kuch sapne hai mere bhi.
bass kabhi lagta woh bhi khayali pulao toh nahi.
samajhti nahi, jaldi.
rehti hoon khwabon mai—
kya sach, kispar yakeen?
nahi aata karna, toh na bolpati kya hai dil mein.
thodi ajeeb si hoon;
darti bhi hoon, lekin ladd bhi leti hoon.
bhaagti hue bhi, wapas wahi aakar rukti—
jisse bachkar bhaagi thi.
shayad waqt, waqt sambhal le.

shayad yahi chaabi uss darr ki zanjeer ki;
waqt ke saath, shayad lagna hi band hojaye.

par phir ek choti awaz,
kahi dil ki,
ki aise waqt sab kuch theek hi kar deta.
toh darr hota hi kyu?
aur darr rhega hi nahi,
toh zindagi ka mauka chuna hi kyu?

agar ye waqt chalta chala gya
aur mai reh gyi toh—
kya kabhi karpaungi khudko maaf?

sambhalna khud ko hi hai;
toh kyu banaya ye dil aur kisi aur ke saath rehne ki aas?
ye khwaish jo dedi mujhko—
dekhti hoon unko jo rehte khush, lagte khush;
jiske bhi saath **, lagte hai ek doosre ke liye.
par kya—
kya chun sakti hoon mai kabhi?
dhund sakti hoon, ya band darwaze ke peeche koi intzaar krke, karega ek din darkhwast?

raaz itna gehra hai ye
nazron ke saamne, shuru bhi waise hi hua
bina bole, sab kuch dikha diya

shaant rehna toh chuna gaya hai
dhokha jab wahi de dein, jinse umeed hona bhi—
aisa sochna daravna lagta tha

ek waqt tak ki yaari
jab dor koi aur hi tod jaye
ya beech mein aakar, sira baandh kar
ye bata jaye ki gaanth hai kidhar

tab kya karoge?
kya kar sakte **?

ghaav bhi wahi dete hain
jinhe dene layak hum bana dete hain

kashti dubti hui khud ki
kisi aur ki ko sahara de diya
kasht kyu kiya itna?
unhone toh bas zara sa dhakka de diya


phir bhi baithe rehte
intzaar mein ki shayad kahi se madad aayegi
wahi, woh-hi aaye, bolkar ki dhundne gaya tha
koi aisa jo jod de tute hue dhaage

par umeed bhi toh kasam se—
shaap toh nahi ye?

sab chupa hua, aankhon ke peeche
khel khelne wale soch ke rakhte apni har ek chaal

toh kya maanu mai
shuruwat hi hui thi aisi,
ki meri gair mojudgi mein chun liya tumne ye khwab?

ye jo ghoomte hain,
baat baant kar jaise unka kehna kisi ki zindagi sanwar dega—
kyun lagta hai inhe ki ye jaante hain
mujhe ya tujhe,
kaise rakhte ye soch ki bayan karni hai hamari zindagiyan?

kareebi hoh tabhi samajh aaye—
kyun bolna, kisi ke baare mein is tarah,
jab samajhne ko kehkar bhi, na samajh paaye?
toh galti tumhari,
ki usme bhi maine hi tumhare khwaab churaaye?

chor nahin main—
patthar dil kyun kehte?
itna sab kuch jab soch hi liya hai,
toh phir kyun saath rehte?

ek baat karne se pehle chaar dafa sochte hoh,
aur dohrane se pehle baatein badal dete hoh—
tum kyun aise muh modte?

baatein buri lagti hain,
kabhi galtiyaan bhi hoh jaati hain;
sirf kehne ke liye nahi kehti—
lekin jab sunne ko aati hai koi aisi baat
jo sahi nahin, jo hoh hi nahi sakti,
mann karta hai saamne jaake, haath pakad ke bol doon:
"mehsoos kar sakte **? hai insaaniyat?
kon *** mai? dikhti kyu nahi?"

mat kaho jo tumhe lagta hai hoga sach—
jab tak yakeen nahi,
sirf main, aur meri chhoti si duniya jaanne waale hi sahi;
mat kaho kuch bhi—
jo kehne aaye the, woh sab pehle sun kar, samajh kar,
hassne ke saath taalkar,
maine aankhon mein dekh liya.

dard usko hota hai jise aadat na hoh;
zariya uska badalta hai jiske paas taqat na hoh.
mujhe nahi pata main kaisi, kaun aur kyun tere liye;
kuch kehna nahi —
bas, agar kabhi teri maujoodgi mujhse chhin jaye,
toh jaakar wapas unhi galiyon mein — jhoot na bolna.

khwabon ka toh kya hai,
befikra mohtab,
bada ajeeb khel khel lete hain.

kabhi mere, kabhi tumhare,
kabhi kisi aur ke aakar,
sapno mein rehna mushkil kar dete hain.

maano mere hokar mujhse juda,
hote hote reh se gaye **,
bilkul tumhari tarah.

kya hi kahun,
aahen bharu ki zeher *** lun?

maanti ***, thodi si pagal,
lekin jo bhi hoon,
tere kaabil hoon toh main!

apnana chahe toh zara sa hichkichau bhi na;
keh denge log toh, jo kehna unhe.

tu bata,
saath rahega mere?