This Empty Page
The tears pour out onto this empty page
The rears of sadness and grief
She’s trying to write on this empty page
What she feels and what is hidden
She feels lost and alone and she won’t lead on
The sorrows are hidden, and the pain is given
The tears pour out on this empty page
Trying to convince her heart, that it won’t fall apart
This empty page is starting to fill, with feelings that can never tell
This empty page is the only one
Who will ever tell her heart is what it knows?

Crying but the tears won't come
straight-faced and numb
It's not ok to let them see my pain
the cuts, the pleasure the pain
Trying to yell but nothing is coming out
Nobody can hear me, nobody can see me
I am invisible to all but the scares scream out loud
invisible scares are so scared
the visible ones speak for me
crying to be heard crying to be seen
Lost and alone praying for someone
to love me for who I am
The tears won't fall the tears won't call
Straight-face and numb
forever to be lost

Here I stand hiding in plain sight
All alone in this crazy world
Turning around and running into myself
Myself running hard
Myself running fast
Myself running alone
Hoping this will stop
Here I stand hiding in plain sight
Here for everyone to see
Standing in front of everyone
But nobody can see me
But do I want them to see me?
Can I let them see me?
Hiding from the world
Hiding from the abuse
Hiding from the ones I love
Here I stand hiding in plain sight
Totally exposed and ashamed
Totally lost and hurt
Here I stand hiding in plain sight
Looking around me, can I see me?
Do I want to see me?
Is it ok to see me?
What do I see? People all around
People not making a sound
People speaking out loud
Hearing nothing, no sound
They speak the word, but nothing comes out
Just me hiding in plain sight
Hoping everything will be alright

Crawling down onto the ground in the dirt
Feeling low and alone
Torturing myself to the breaking point
Falling down the deep hole I dug for myself
So deep you can’t see the bottom
Crawling to the edge and looking down
Down into the hole of darkness
The darkness of the unknown
Closer and closer to the edge, I creep
Being pulled by what?
Being pushed by what?
Trying to hold on
Not knowing what to hold onto
Looking for something to hold onto
I look around and there is nothing
Now with my eyes closed tight
Scared to open them and see the darkness
Then falling into the darkness
On the edge, I’m sliding in
I can’t hold on
There’s nothing but dirt
The dirt that will bury me alive
I’m falling in, faster and faster I fall
Looking up while falling down
Seeing things get smaller and smaller
I close my eyes looking for hope
Hope that I don’t know if it is there
Will someone catch me?
Will someone hold me?
Will, I hit the bottom of this deep dark hole?
Looking for a way out, is there a bottom?
Is there a way out without hitting the bottom?
Can I keep going on like this?
Looking and waiting to hit bottom
Falling deeper and deeper into the darkness
Not knowing when it will end
Can I stop and hold onto the walls?
Slowly grabbing around me to see
What I did not see before?
There’s something there, I can feel it!
Now can I hold onto it?
Can I trust it? Is it really there?
I cry and I cry I’m so scared and alone
Fearing those feelings
Fearing the loss of control
Trying to control the loss of control
Where will it end?
Is there an end in sight?
I don’t know!

Hold me and never let me go
Hold me tight, arms around about
Feeling safety, comfort, warmth, and love
Feeling peace, holding on with all the strength I have given
Screaming for touch, screaming to be held
Held all night long, being squeezed with all the love given
Physical touch is longed for and wanted
Emotional touch is necessary and needed
Heavenly touch and earthly holding
Dreaming of feeling the touch forever
Heavenly parents holding me, angels holding me
Believe it can happen, believe it will happen
Remember the feelings and never letting go
Please take me, hold me, love me, and forgive me
Touch my heart, touch my soul, touch my being
Give me the strength to feel it, to know it is there
Hold me carry me and take me to that place
Places of peace, love, comfort and pure safeness
Tears falling, but not tears of sadness
Tears of safety, tears of comfort
Tears of knowing all these feelings
Feelings of comfort, love, peace, and love
Tears of strength to know it can be
I will be held, I am loved and I am safe and not alone
Someone is there at all times, in mind and spirit
Bring Him to me, let Him come to me
Reach out to Him, call for Him, He will listen
Take hold of yourself, take hold of my spirit
Take hold of my mind, and take hold of my heart
Give it the comfort it needs and wants
Love Him, Love them, love us and most importantly love yourself

The pain runs so deep, deep in my heart, deep in my soul
The color that runs deep into my soul is dark and grey
The color that runs in my heart is so cold
The color of my pain that runs so deep is hard
The hurt and pain and the feelings of hollowness
The sadness and anger and loneliness
Deep in my heart, soul, and mind is there
Crying and hiding and holding back
I reach down deep into my hollow soul
Pull out the pain, the anger, and the loneliness
What do I have? Nothing!
The pain hurts so much
How can there be a pain with nothing inside?
Just a shell, just the outside, just the pain
Blood and guts, skin and hair
Are no longer there
Holes in my heart, holes in my head, holes in my soul
See right in front of me
See right through me
See right behind me
See right past me
The hollow shell full of anger
The hollow shell full of pain
The pain is instant
The pain is lasting
The pain will never end
How do I find my voice?
How to find the breath to speak?
Speak the words that tell
Speak the words that will help
How to fill that hollow shell
With love, and peace, and wholeness
The pain that runs so deep
Will always be from anger, from hatred, from long ago
The pain runs so deep, deep in my heart, deep in my soul
The color that runs deep into my soul is dark and grey
The color that runs in my heart is so cold
The color of my pain that runs so deep is hard

To know Him
is to know His love for you
To stand beside Him
is to lean upon Him
To walk with Him
is to follow His teachings
To have faith in Him
is to lead the way for others
To remember Him in times of despair
is to let Him carry you through
To know His love for you
is to feel His arms around you
To know Him
is to know His love for you