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1.6k · Jan 2016
suffocating
Beck B Jan 2016
crawling pain
seeping pain
numbing pain
consuming pain
stabbing pain
constant pain
throbbing pain
flickering pain
scalding pain
terrifying pain
piercing pain
stinging pain
exhausting pain
tearing pain
nauseating pain
quivering pain
shaking pain
tingling pain
sickening pain
agonizing pain
cramping pain
pinching pain
gnawing pain
pulsing pain
drilling pain
gut-wrenching pain
splitting pain
crushing pain
searing pain
excruciating pain
suffocating pain

ive felt
all of it
but
none of it
prepared me
for the pain
of losing
you

-beckb 012616
491 · Aug 2015
trembling light
Beck B Aug 2015
will the day happen
or will it quietly pass by
a spider
to most
disguised below darkness
to the corner it hides
yet when it gets seen
catastrophes
monstrosities
caught in the light
and no longer hid
from all of their minds
who so long ago
decided
spiders
were creatures to fear
like the day
that now crawls
not in darkness
but in fearful trembling
light

-beckb 081815
420 · May 2016
weight
Beck B May 2016
are not we all clouds
particles
pieces
droplets
atoms
together
but when we feel heavy
we
fall

-beckb 050116
362 · Aug 2015
Star Watcher
Beck B Aug 2015
its like watching a star
never falling
but stuck in one place
eventually the watcher
moves on
to the next star
a star that
actually falls

-beckb 081615
343 · Aug 2015
23:55
Beck B Aug 2015
It started with a dance it.
Was nothing like had ever happened.
He was in the corner in a way.
That only she could see way.
Too far to see how he too.
Felt the way she did it was fast.
Enough to catch them both.
Off guard when their feelings.
Matched the two of them were.
On a wavelength that no.
One else could be on different.
People could walk between yet.
They still saw eye to eye they.
Were scared to say it at first.
But grew to tell each thought.
They had to the other that.
Made the leaving harder losing.
Each other after falling the.
Way they did was inevitable other.
People saw the fall but it was.
Like falling down a hill and saying.
As you wish but not ever will.
The one listening know it meant I.
Love you so you fall without ever.
Knowing if they can see.
The feelings inside you.
It's like her falling asleep again.
After not sleeping for weeks.
Closing her eyes but she can't go.
To sleep 'cause memories run past.
In her mind without.
Her knowing how to cope seeing.
Pictures in dreams of each.
Time she saw how other.
Peoples eyes looked they.
Weren't his and she knew.
That she was too far that.
She would never recover from.
The way she felt that.
Was a fall she could fall every day.
Try to stand but just would.
Fall over and over and over be.
Happy he says she'll have the.
Heart of a man who will ever.
And always make her smile after.
She cries she says she.
Feels she lives in dreams.
She could only dream for.
At.
23:55.

-beckb 081515
333 · May 2016
the book of
Beck B May 2016
i said
i wouldnt
but now
im afraid
its not
the aftermath
of the storm
its the fear
of straightening
the mindless mess
and finding
the last page

-beckb 042416
330 · Aug 2015
Changing Colors
Beck B Aug 2015
That moment you look down and your hand is changing colors. Your mind is lost, and you've lost feeling. The music is consuming you. Drowning you. As if even just existing is now musics priority, and it has taken you over.. Yeah that's when you know you've lost it. The shadows are in the corner but that's where you want to hide. Not possible. So let's **** something. Time, only. Only time. Threats of death, but it's too frightening honestly. Killing time, it changes things. You forget how to change things yourself. When the music takes over, you give it complete control and it makes things you didn't think possible. Creates darkness, but it's comforting. It puts those lost feelings to paper and then you get rid of them. Rid of the things the music creates. It's a vicious cycle, really. You find peace, almost, a seemingly unobtainable peace at first, really, and then you destroy it. It's too peaceful. In peace, there is anxiety. Knowing something is right around the corner. It's always there. It never really goes away. Sits there, watching, waiting for you to get comfortable. You catch yourself thinking you'll be okay this time, you let yourself relax. And then it comes. Once again you forget how to escape the grasp of the darkness. You look down and your hand is changing colors. The music is starting. You're drowning.
-beckb 022615
312 · Apr 2016
until now
Beck B Apr 2016
words
never easy
to say
always easy
to write

until now

words
never limited
to feelings
always spreading
to thoughts

until now

words
never ending
flowing seemlessly
always leading
to mindlessness

until now

now words
now they never
now to you
now they always
now I can't

now

words
never seeming
to fit together
always missing
what I want to say

now

-beckb 041816
299 · Nov 2015
the day before yesterday
Beck B Nov 2015
humans
just pieces
put together
some say
masterpieces
some say
mistakes

to others
i say
youre
masterpieces
to me
myself
and i
youre just
a mistake

its like
jacks sally
a spool
of thread
carried
pocketed
it stitches
the pieces
back
together

but sometimes
i wonder
did she
always
bring her
thread
or did
she sometimes
"forget"
and leave
without what
mends
the broken

maybe
she realizes
im meant
to be
broken
today i
wont
let them
sew me
back
together

maybe
today
i want
to feel
myself
the way
i was
made
to feel

broken
made from
pieces
from different
puzzles
cut
in different
shapes
but somehow
pieced together

nowhere
near
perfect

i am human afterall

humans
just pieces
put together
some say
masterpieces
some say
mistakes

-beckb 110715
284 · Jan 2016
what now
Beck B Jan 2016
this feeling
its like
all the tragedies
in my life
were stopped
with one moment
but it was more
than just
a moment
it was simply
healing

but at the same time
my mind is racing
with thoughts of
what now..?

this feeling
its like
all the pieces
in my mind
were mended
with one hug
but it was more
than just
a hug
it was simply
healing

but at the same time
my mind is racing
with thoughts of
what now..?

this feeling
its like
all the cracks
in my heart
were sealed
with one kiss
but it was more
than just
a kiss
it was simply
healing

but at the same time
my mind is racing
with thoughts of
what now..?

this feeling
its like
all the holes
in my life
were filled
with one love
but it was more
than just
one love
it was simply
healing

but at the same time
my mind is racing
with thoughts of
what now..?

-beckb 122915
281 · Aug 2015
missing in pictures.
Beck B Aug 2015
fear.
i guess its just the realization.
its not truly a fear.
but more of a sadness.
a melancholy feeling.
knowing.
that they wont be there.
as you walk down the aisle.
across the stage.
the day youve been working for your entire life.
and now.
the examples of working hard.
they wont be there.
to see the work.
the dedication.
the blood.
the sweat.
the tears.
that went into getting there.
the dream.
it wont happen.
youll graduate.
without them seeing.
youll graduate.
and theyll know.
but theyll be missing in pictures.

-beckb 081615
259 · Jan 2016
hours
Beck B Jan 2016
sometimes i wonder
why we spent
hours
too many it seems
talking,
wishing
but never
once realizing
that it
was not reality

sometimes i wonder
why i spend
hours
too many it seems
dreaming,
thinking
but never
once accepting
that we
werent meant to be

sometimes i wonder
why you spend
hours
too many it seems
saving
others
but never
once thought
that we
needed saving too

sometimes i wonder
why i still spend
hours
too many it seems
wishing
for you
but never
once praying
that we
would end up

together

-beckb 012616
234 · Aug 2015
10:17
Beck B Aug 2015
I get lost in thoughts of you...I wish I had answered the phone last night, the echoes of your voice ring in my ears but it isn't the same as you next to me, you sitting so near me with your arm around me and my hand in yours, I can't wait until you can hold my hand as we ride down the hill, to run up when I fall, laughing, but making sure I'm alright, hearing your voice and your laugh, it is like a healing power, a power I know I will not ever find again, it's something I know is incomparable with anything else, you're someone so new, so real, with me knowing, hoping, that this is how it's meant to be, me knowing that, somehow, I fell so hard for you, I will never be the same, knowing, wishing, hoping, thinking, daydreaming

-beckb 081315

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