Looking back after all these years,
It’s hard to believe that my best friend is a memory…
Letting you walk out of my life without trying to stop you,
It makes me want to try to reverse time…
Because I know I am much different now,
And I believe you would be proud of the person I have become.
Prayer is the only way I communicate with you now,
Hoping that you are loving life as much as you always did.
Reconnected with the Lord, and for the first time, myself,
I would love nothing more than to mend any wounds I left,
Patch them up with bandages and apologies.
I want you to know I’m sorry.
There are so many things I shouldn’t have done…
I don’t need to list them because you know,
And I don’t want to relive those memories…
Because I hate myself for all of them.
How could I?
That person from two years ago, now,
She was not me…
Just know, you’ve helped me grow,
Because I now tell nothing but the truth.
I was exhausted of swimming in my own lies,
Trying to keep up with them was like running a race…
But I could never finish fast enough.
And, like you advised,
I stopped moving from boy to boy.
Alone now, for quite some time,
Because I like the way that freedom tastes
And focusing on myself has matured me.
I live life with no regrets,
But if I did have one,
It is putting you through all the *******.
It hurts now, knowing I am far too late to fix this.
I live with nothing but a forgiving heart,
But I would not blame you if you couldn’t forgive me.
Too much damage was done by a past me,
But just know, I apologize for each word and action.
I wish I could rebuild the walls I crushed, but instead,
Here I am, knowing I let my best friend slip away…

for my mother*

the lioness is both a fierce protector
and a gentle nurturer

nothing escapes the gaze of her amber eyes
but she seldom feels the need to roar

she hunts with unmatched precision
but still has the patience to teach, and work with others

she understands her role in her pride
but is never proud

she possesses unparalleled strength
as well as the wisdom to know when to use it

she won't  hesitate to grab her cub by the scruff of its neck
to keep it out of harms way

she is more than capable of working alone
but understands the importance of community

she never loses her spirit of playfulness
and her primary habitat is in the grasslands of Africa

but there are some things about the lioness
that you can't learn about by reading

she will wait up for you, when you're out past curfew
just to make sure that you get home safely

she will always be a listening ear
but she will never judge you

she loves others without condition
but knows better than to feel before she thinks

she will encourage you ceaselessly
and tell you you're more than good enough

this lioness, of which i speak
has not claws, nor tail, nor fangs, nor paws

but she is far more powerful
than any jungle cat could ever hope to be

- m.f.