i observe
yes, i like to watch
most of it is comical
a majority is fake

painted on smiles
laughing at nothing
nodding agreeably
   to what
they don't know
   or care to know
securing their place
amongst a crowd
of the same

bobble heads
nodding
   yes       yes       yes
not understanding
but not caring

just going with the flow
of expectation.

How would you be,
Like her or me?
Long flowing hair,
Or short and curly?

Small or tall,
Fat or skinny?
Nothing really matters,
Except your personality.

See I'll never know, what could have been,
The cutest little girl, or two boy twins.
It's all in the air, and nobody knows,
An unsolved mystery, a true reality show.

Instead I'll sit and wonder,
About the life you could have lived.
And how it all was taken,
Like a **** Indian gift.

I will always think about you,
And ask myself, "What if?".
Would you have painted the next Mona Lisa,
Or jammed on some killer riff?

You know, I wouldn't care a bit,
In fact, I wouldn't give a ****,
If all you ever amounted to,
Was a good and honest man.

I wish I could go back,
To undo what has been done.
So I could someday hug my daughter,
Or shake the hand of my dear son.

I suppose that all of this,
Is my expression of a sorry.
For the mistake that we have made,
Will remain my greatest folly.

She's very much alive
But she is dead to me
The decision wasn't mine
She wanted to be
A tombstone in my mind
A grave inside my heart
A perpetual funeral
That has no end or start
There is no wreath to set
No flowers to lay
The only place that this exists
Is buried in my wake

my translucent chest
bares a wounded heart
for all to see

they poke
probe
question
and shake their heads
in disbelief

wondering why a girl like me
isn't ashamed of projecting
that she's less than perfect.