i can honestly say,
there hasnt been
      one day
in the past year
where i havent been
          anxious,
                       stressed,
                                     scared.

but lately,
i have been free
from
       suffering,
              and
                   worrying.

for the first time
in a long time
i am
        happy,
                   relieved,
                                content,
                              with being.

i never thought
i would make it
                          this far.

Nothing bothers me more
Than not knowing what is running through your mind
When you are silent
When you are not beside me

I want ease of being
To be free from suffering
To be content
With myself
With my life

Trust no one
Keep your ******* guards up
At all ******* times
You never know who will stab you in the back
You never know when
But it will happen
At some point

My mother and I
We are the same
We procrastinate
We take long showers
We share the same features
Most importantly
We like to sleep
We are the same
Because we would sleep forever
We would sleep forever together
We would die together
If it meant we dreamt together
We would die
If we could hold hands
On our way to a happier place
Reality is depression
And death is happiness

let me start from the beginning

you had always been a selfish man
always thought you were right
it always had to go your way
you always got what you wanted

you physically and mentally abusive *******

im old enough now to understand pain
youre the cause of it

you should have abandoned us earlier
it wouldnt have hurt this badly

we want you to come home
we need you
we need help
but you dont care

i dont have a father

i see you once a week if im lucky
even when youre around
it doesnt feel like youre there

i hope you like being alone
because youll never be accepted back into this family
enjoy all of the materials you took from us
i hope they make you happier than we do

dad, you were always wrong
you make stupid and selfish decisions
youre a disappointment
youre a liar

sometimes i miss you
but im mostly angry with you

you found my beautiful mother
you created me
you created my younger brother

you wont see us grow into mature and successful adults
your wife
my lovely mother
has men kissing her feet

so why would we need you anymore
we dont want a part-time father
we dont want you at all