Where do I pour all of my love,
Now that you're gone?
I'm stuck believing I shouldn't have walked
Away

Where do you go?
When you don't know what you want

if only it were easier to travel
over oceans to be with you
to physically love you with the love
that's built up and overflowed into
the emptiness in me that consists of you
oh how i feel so empty
but so full of love when
it comes to you
and how meeting you would be an experience
one could die for because
i love you that much and i
wholeheartedly believe not many
can say that these days

Anything to fill this void

I wish..
I wish you still showed me you care.
Or I wouldn't have decided to leave you behind.
Because when I left,
My heart stayed with you.

you
will
get
better
when
you
stop
convincing
yourself
of
what
isn't
real

Her eyes speak fear
But her words speak love and
Peace and happiness
*She just doesn't know where
She will find them.

i look at you
and i feel at home
and when i look at you
my heart feels love and
warmth after all of
the cold it's been suffocating in

I wish that I could appreciate
Every second of my life as well
As be happy in every moment.
There's so much to love and experience
But I'm too in my own mind that
I miss out on what's happening
Just being unhappy

I look
For you
For
*Safety

Those nights when
All you can feel is
The self pity drowning your
Entire mind
You're so alone and
Can't find any reason at all
To stick around
I'd be better off somewhere far
Away and nonexistent
Because that's all that I
Truly deserve

You thought it was just a phase
To you, it's meaningless
And something I choose for attention
But you can't understand
How it feels to feel this way
All of the time
You can't escape it and
It becomes very real
You're trapped in your mind,
Madness and sadness
Nothing can really help because
The brainwashing is only temporary
And you're back to your normal
Depressed self

There will be someone  
Willing
To
Save
You

Listen to Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart while
Looking through psychedelic art
You'll find it
Quite the experience

My problem is that I miss things. I miss everything currently not in the possession of when I want it. I miss him. And him, and him, and it, and my cat that died in August. I miss my friend, my friendships when they meant something to more than just me. Not being employed. Not having a boyfriend, wanting a boyfriend that would go to ends of the world for me. Believing in love childishly, having the ambitions not washed away by the unsuccessful people around me. I miss the feeling I got that day we went for breakfast before school one morning, such a careless, fun, unfamiliar feeling that describing can do no justice against. I sit in class or at home or at a stop light and I start to miss your presence next to me. Just that certain smell of you anywhere can send me places you couldn't grasp existing; the way you hold me in any form of the matter still lingers on my skin as your ghost when you leave. I feel you here when you aren't, much like a numb feeling, as if my body knows something isn't right, something is missing. There are a million things I could say I miss. The past, my memories, are hard to forget. They find a way to hide in small corners of my mind, to come out when they know I am especially vulnerable. I'm weak and small disguised by a deceptive body, tormented of each surfacing memory.

You are not right
Don't tell me that you are
Because all I do is right
And all you do is wrong
Forgive me when my temper flares
But you don't know what you're talking about
Since my mind is more forbade than yours
More relevant
Worth something beautiful
Though your discouraging words hurt me extently
You mean nothing
Don't waste your time
On an unchangeable mind

I need to
Express
My emotions
Somewhere

I am eleven years old
I'm fat to every person I know
At this age, consciousness tells you the unsaid things
In someone's actions and on their face

I am twelve years old
I'm destroying my body
Because you've destroyed my mind
And make me feel things unreal

I am fourteen years old
I starve myself for three months
A bite a day keeps the weight away

I am fifteen years old
A toilet becomes your only friend
And a meal a nightmare
Because the food isn't staying down
You won't let it

I am sixteen years old
I'm no longer the fat thing you didn't care about
Now it's beauty you see
It's purely a shame
You don't know how I got this way
Because it was your fault
That made me numb and insane

You make me feel
Emotionally
Inferior

something about a boy
with a lost soul that
captivates my heavy heart
telling me "save him"
before it's too late

i am the ocean
you the sky
with every wave and
every horizon
*we meet

false
fAlse
FALSEfalsefalse
it is all FALSE
what i felt for you
you know it wasn't real
i KNOW it wasn't
yet all i can do is hold onto it
false love
false hopes
false presence
needed to save me
delusive little girl

not the right time to be worrying
your mind has other things to focus on
help yourself and find a relief
to change how you think

It's hard to take a step back
Either way, doing or not
You could be risking
Something important
Don't want to seem needy
Nor distant and uninterested
And there isn't much of a middle
Area
At least I don't know how to find it

what if you watched someone
literally
go
insane?
only as they tried to
find themselves

Let the words flow from your fingertips

To create what could change everything

Change everything by the slightest change of event

Your connections are so timeless

Yet so significant

It all leads to one another

Be wise with what you do

You never know

What is waiting around the corner

You complain that
I have nothing more to talk of
Rather than love
But what is there to talk about
When that's all my being wants?
*Love is all you need,
Then you can conquer the world

oh the cliché of it all
how tiring

I exercise.
Go to yoga.
Meditate frequently.
Listen to music I love.
Try to do things I love.
Have healthy relationships (mostly).
Eat basically healthy or
Just the things I enjoy.
Get my coffee.
Get my sleep.
Have the job that I wanted.
Am appreciated for my skills/personality/appearance (sometimes).
So
Why am I unhappy.
In a fog, constantly.
Can't find peace most of the time.
Anxious.
Thinking.
Unwillingly judging myself and
The situation, always.
Can't
Focus, concentrate
Feeling very constrained
By what isn't in my control

I need to let go,
Fully let go.

need a trip in
nature
away from people and technology
to heal

I
Lay with you
And
Want to be
Some place else

I have so much to look forward to,
My life hasn't even begun.

I don't know what I'm doing.
I'm scared.
I'm terrified.
I just want to live freely and
As things come.
But the worry always comes back,
Always there.
Am I making the right choices

Still waiting for the tomorrow that promised to be better

my mind battles with itself
more than i can
sometimes
bear

go away
I am tired
of the anxiety
constant worries and
thoughts in my head
I ache for the freedom my
soul yearns to feel
of the burdens that weigh it down
I try so hard... but
nothing
nothing
*nothing

She still felt as blank
As the ceiling at which she's staring
She's alive, but feels absolutely nothing

sleep
to give yourself a break
to forget for a while
to dream of better things
and living your life in the unconscious state
that you've been wanting to feel again for so long

Thankful because I am healthy.
Thankful because I have a family that cares about me.
Thankful for a roof over my head and a bed to sleep in.
Thankful for not needing to worry about my next meal, and having the food to fill me full.
Thankful for the luxuries I can have and others don't.
Thankful for the freedom to do what makes me happy.
Thankful for good luck spurts that push me toward my goals.
Thankful for kind people and being shown there are more important things than what you sometimes see.

I lost a friend this year.
He was close to my heart.
Sometimes I still don't believe he's really gone, it's been hard for me to part.
He was my companion, my best friend, the one who greeted me with love and kisses.
Who played and walked by my side and kept me safe and was always there to listen.
I'll miss him forever. I love him always.
Not a day goes by without a thought of him.
The loss of a pet is so, so painful. Life is truly turned upside down without them there. Everything is wrong and sad and lonely. I would do anything to bring you back. You were the sweetest little angel. And I'm so sorry. I love and miss you and pray you're doing well..

G r i e v i n g  p e r i o d
*That is what we'll call this

That feeling came back today..

i'm cliche and
pathetic but
it is what it
is

I didn't know how it felt
To be someone's lust until
You showed me

You still left me.
I did everything to please you.
Everything was for you.
I took the extra time on my makeup so it was flawless in your presence.
An extra half hour of killing and taming my hair so it
Looked like beauty queen material
Just to hear you call me beautiful
And look at me the way you did when
You really felt good to be around me.
Several occasions, if you recall, I brought your favorite foods to you when you worked.
Just to see your face light up and
So you knew I would do anything to give you
What you wanted.
I don't remember a second I didn't spend
Thinking what more I could do for you.
I took three too many steps
Out of my comfort zone
Just to please you.
To give you what you wanted.
Even in my state of uncomfort,
I knew you still didn't care about my
Feelings. Truly care, anyways.
And all this time..
All this time of my extra efforts and going so far, far out of my way
You were still too selfish
To see past your small green eyes of confinement.
And I hope one day
You regret letting me leave.
You see how good I was to you.
Giving you the world and then some.
You were just too oblivious
To see what was good for you.
You let it go.
You let me go.
You kept wanting more and more.
And I didn't know what else could be done.
And I'm still sorry for not being able
To give you everything you
Wanted.
I hope one day you can
Feel the pain you
Put me through.

I'm just a young girl.
I don't know anything.

Content
Yoga class today
Finally perfected starbucks drink
To what I've been craving
For so long
House to myself
Cooking dinner
Listening to my favorite songs
As loudly
As I like
*Perfect

Everything about everything makes
me want to **** myself

Ever get that painful feeling in
Your chest
When you remember how
Alone you are?