Life is painful when
You sit back and you really look at it
What are you?

I don't know what to do with my anger,
Or any of my
Emotions

Beginning my quest into darkness

The coming of late night

I know it's about the time

I will fall and fall and fall

To the pit of sorrow

And guilt

Every word I ever said, ever heard

Will force itself into the space behind my eyes

Causing the same ache

That is repeated immeasurably

Thoughts forcing their way out

By bruising the inside of my skull

Something I will always feel

There's a feeling I have for you
I think it's love and
Disgust and many other things that
I do not understand

My heart loves unhealthily.
It doesn't know when to stop
Or what lines shouldn't
Be crossed.

i need to stop writing about you

I've wanted you to know for so long that I've loved you
That we had something beautiful that can be brought back
Your face, those kind eyes and smile that grasps the feelings made by a soft heart
Are something that will never be replaced in the same manner
But we can go away together
Create one world together, and love and love
And have what only someone can dream of
Because the reality we create together
Will be a dream we never want to leave

My mind has altered
Creating a writer's block
The medication I have stopped
To try to focus but
I can no longer write
For I am suffering a great loss
I hope to regain my mind again
So I can foolishly continue harming
What is behind my eyes

I walked away
Things are better
Change is good

Day 4:
*You appear in my dreams every night.

like
nothing
i've
had
before

There's no one who could replace you
Or the way you kiss my lips
And grab my waist
The way I can cuddle perfectly into every curve and structure of your body, like I belong there
You've shown me how to love hard
And I know I've found the love I'll be eternally passionate for
And it's yours

I'll be the
dawn on your worst
night

(( it will be four

years in july))

Day 5:
*Don't read sad poems.

Not independent enough
To handle being
Left alone
I need your company
Makes the
Thoughts go away
For a little

i need to throw up my sadness
i feel it in my chest and in
my throat
always

fell apart
under you
over you
disgusted
by
me
doing what i thought
i wanted
i did want
but wrong timing
right timing
wrong thinking
you don't know what you want or
what's real

How do I help myself?
I've tried so many things
Even not trying at all
Still
*nothing

You don't listen to what I have to say
So I come here

I sit here
Wrapped in a blanket
Loosely around my entire body
My face barely peaking out
I sit here
Curled in a ball
On this chair
With my head rested on the back
And I stare
Thinking of nothing but everything
To where my thoughts are blank
And my eyes are cold
Along with the heart that made me this way

I live in the past.
That's my problem.
My memory is haunting.
The memories with you make me sick and sad and feel broken
Which leaves me feeling all the more alone in the places we
Once were together; Happy and so full of love and of
Life

Every day,
something new

Today is a good day to
be alive

help me i'm sad

I'm painfully weak

I can't
do
this
alone

today i am grateful
for the losses and
hardships in my life
which have made me who
i am
and have brought me to where
i am now
with the people who are actually
good for me

Why do I
Keep checking up on you
Only to upset myself
Why do I do that?

my mind..
my mind is painful.
too many things, thoughts
happening
too quickly too
differently, taking shots at
one another to get rid
of the other

i can't go back to that place before you

I needed someone else's
skin and
smell
to remember
so I could forget
yours

Maybe I'm just alone in my head and
The only way I can get what I want is
By believing I can get it from you

Finding words where I never thought to look

In the back of my mind they were always there

I just never knew how to make them surface

life always
has a plan
and a way of working things out better
in the end

I don't
Adjust well to
Change

Tonight
Will be the first step
Closer to healing
The entire wound
Not just the scratches and torn
Layers you've added during your
Stay

Time has passed and I'm...

Today
I felt
*Free

i fail to please the people i care about

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to
not be me
How much easier life would be

How quickly
You
Changed your mind,
How easy it was
For you
For it to be over

I've never been so down on myself
Nothing has ever been this difficult
(I seem to say that every time)
But every time it hurts just as much
It's a whole new hell that I have to pull myself out of
A new place of darkness and pain that no one else can help me with but myself
I'm trapped. emotionally, mentally, physically
Stuck exactly where I don't want to be.
I don't know where to go from here.

my words mean a lot to me
just to write them down
even if
there's really not a whole
lot to them

I come here for comfort, for my release.
I can't find that anywhere else.
I'm glad I can be in a place where
others relate, and choose to console a stranger. Thank you to those who are kind enough to comment good thoughts and hold back judgement.

I find myself feeling empty a lot

What was I thinking?

Life confuses me too much.
It's hard to accept how things really are,
Because they don't always make sense.

Very happy with where I am

My expectations
ruin
myself