Content
Yoga class today
Finally perfected starbucks drink
To what I've been craving
For so long
House to myself
Cooking dinner
Listening to my favorite songs
As loudly
As I like
*Perfect

i need to stop writing about you

Life is painful when
You sit back and you really look at it
What are you?

Ever get that painful feeling in
Your chest
When you remember how
Alone you are?

I've wanted you to know for so long that I've loved you
That we had something beautiful that can be brought back
Your face, those kind eyes and smile that grasps the feelings made by a soft heart
Are something that will never be replaced in the same manner
But we can go away together
Create one world together, and love and love
And have what only someone can dream of
Because the reality we create together
Will be a dream we never want to leave

Beginning my quest into darkness

The coming of late night

I know it's about the time

I will fall and fall and fall

To the pit of sorrow

And guilt

Every word I ever said, ever heard

Will force itself into the space behind my eyes

Causing the same ache

That is repeated immeasurably

Thoughts forcing their way out

By bruising the inside of my skull

Something I will always feel

There's a feeling I have for you
I think it's love and
Disgust and many other things that
I do not understand

There's no one who could replace you
Or the way you kiss my lips
And grab my waist
The way I can cuddle perfectly into every curve and structure of your body, like I belong there
You've shown me how to love hard
And I know I've found the love I'll be eternally passionate for
And it's yours

Not independent enough
To handle being
Left alone
I need your company
Makes the
Thoughts go away
For a little

I'll be the
dawn on your worst
night

My mind has altered
Creating a writer's block
The medication I have stopped
To try to focus but
I can no longer write
For I am suffering a great loss
I hope to regain my mind again
So I can foolishly continue harming
What is behind my eyes

I walked away
Things are better
Change is good

Day 5:
*Don't read sad poems.

You don't listen to what I have to say
So I come here

Day 4:
*You appear in my dreams every night.

Today is a good day to
be alive

(( it will be four

years in july))

How do I help myself?
I've tried so many things
Even not trying at all
Still
*nothing

fell apart
under you
over you
disgusted
by
me
doing what i thought
i wanted
i did want
but wrong timing
right timing
wrong thinking
you don't know what you want or
what's real

like
nothing
i've
had
before

Every day,
something new

i need to throw up my sadness
i feel it in my chest and in
my throat
always

I sit here
Wrapped in a blanket
Loosely around my entire body
My face barely peaking out
I sit here
Curled in a ball
On this chair
With my head rested on the back
And I stare
Thinking of nothing but everything
To where my thoughts are blank
And my eyes are cold
Along with the heart that made me this way

I live in the past.
That's my problem.
My memory is haunting.
The memories with you make me sick and sad and feel broken
Which leaves me feeling all the more alone in the places we
Once were together; Happy and so full of love and of
Life

I'm painfully weak

I can't
do
this
alone

I don't
Adjust well to
Change

today i am grateful
for the losses and
hardships in my life
which have made me who
i am
and have brought me to where
i am now
with the people who are actually
good for me

my mind..
my mind is painful.
too many things, thoughts
happening
too quickly too
differently, taking shots at
one another to get rid
of the other

Today
I felt
*Free

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to
not be me
How much easier life would be

help me i'm sad

Tonight
Will be the first step
Closer to healing
The entire wound
Not just the scratches and torn
Layers you've added during your
Stay

Why do I
Keep checking up on you
Only to upset myself
Why do I do that?

life always
has a plan
and a way of working things out better
in the end

I needed someone else's
skin and
smell
to remember
so I could forget
yours

i can't go back to that place before you

Time has passed and I'm...

I've never been so down on myself
Nothing has ever been this difficult
(I seem to say that every time)
But every time it hurts just as much
It's a whole new hell that I have to pull myself out of
A new place of darkness and pain that no one else can help me with but myself
I'm trapped. emotionally, mentally, physically
Stuck exactly where I don't want to be.
I don't know where to go from here.

I find myself feeling empty a lot

Maybe I'm just alone in my head and
The only way I can get what I want is
By believing I can get it from you

Finding words where I never thought to look

In the back of my mind they were always there

I just never knew how to make them surface

i fail to please the people i care about

I come here for comfort, for my release.
I can't find that anywhere else.
I'm glad I can be in a place where
others relate, and choose to console a stranger. Thank you to those who are kind enough to comment good thoughts and hold back judgement.

my words mean a lot to me
just to write them down
even if
there's really not a whole
lot to them

How quickly
You
Changed your mind,
How easy it was
For you
For it to be over

What was I thinking?

Life confuses me too much.
It's hard to accept how things really are,
Because they don't always make sense.

Very happy with where I am

My expectations
ruin
myself