Am I the only one
who feels this way?
Like my stomach
is coming up through my mouth
and my mind is buzzing
the black words swarming
like bees behind my eyes
and in my mouth
and the words won't come
because you are the only one
I can say them too.
Why can't I talk to you?
I need you to tell me
that you feel the same things
and that your heart is going to explode
that your mind won't turn off
the thoughts of me.
And your clothes sit
at the foot of my bed
and I struggle with thoughts
of both keeping and returning them.
Last night I gave back your jacket-
the one that used to smell like you
and now smells like
stale smoke from my cigarettes
with broken pieces of tobacco
lining the pockets-
I threw it at you
insisting you take it
even though you
wanted me to have it
and I didn't mean to
but if you let me
I would have held on to it forever
and slept in its embrace
pretending it was yours
but I don't want to pretend.
I want to wake up
next to you every morning
and kiss you awake
and rub your back to sleep
every night.
Why did you take that away from me?
From us?
I want to run to you
to tell you this,
to tell you how I feel,
so I can know
if you feel the same way.