heart beat
no noise in the streets
keeping me warm like my sheets
seclusion
i do hope it’s a delusion
like the peculiar patterns and hues
in my views when on lsd
but it is just my lonely blues
a muse?
-no
just the sensation unsought
swallow down the negative thoughts
me and my shadow
far from shallow perhaps sallow?

Cries from ones eyes
are only a lullaby

sadness may cause ones
madness
but gladness can change the world
rains spit will cause the most
weeping willow
to blossom,
bloom,
ending
doom

with ravishing shades and hues
violet and even robins egg blue

gratification

The sounds of the city

she was so young
only sixteen
walking in solitude til hell freezes over
Always, always a cigarette hanging out out of her mouth
sweet smoke just a poke

Promenading me and my shadow
Offbeat gazes
brusque antiphon

vague tracks of paces left from penitence foot prints

She wants to stupefy
she wants to feel without a hitch Numb

Emerging out of the pavements of south philadelphia a metacarpus grasps onto her oxford
Dragging her to the subways of the city

Underfoot, underground

Who’s the conductor?
Who’s driving the train of anarchy

At a screaming halt, the train stopped
the metacarpus flings her off
fall

she scrapes her knee to see she’s remaining at the same locus
Unaltered

Where’d  she go, she dont’ know
Arise!
She continued to linger through the streets

Julliet wanted romeo but romeo wanted another
Lifes a toy
she desired just a boy, maybe then life would be a joy

tooth for a tooth
bleed for me
a desire to conspire, a must for a bit of lust

Take your pills, go to therapy,
Take your pills. go to therapy
“get better”
Take your pills, go to therapy,
Tell yourself you’re getting better

“You’re getting sick again ariana, we will raise your dose”

Take your pills, go to therapy

“Am i getting any better, am i healthier? do i look sick?”

Take your pills, go to therapy
Take your pills, go to therapy

“Why are you doing this to yourself Ariana?”

Take your pills, go to therapy
Take your pills, go to therapy

help
“how do i get the maggot thoughts that crawl into my head and tell me i’m inadequate, trifling?”

“It’s all circumstantial, and that is what we need to mend and patch”

Give me your mental diagnosis-diagnonsense
Go ahead, tell me what you’ve espied when you sat oneself down and perched your virtuoso intellect in my head

“oh yes, you comprehend
you understand
Everything.
You know me deeper than i know my self”

“We are getting somewhere, we are moving forward you are progressing!”

Take your pills, go to therapy
Take your pills, go to therapy

You must be pleased as punch you’re finally fixing me
dismally i disinform you, i lied

Why you may inquire? Not one can understand ones speculations or thoughts unless they are legitimately situated in my chamber of a lugubrious trench filled with distasteful maggots which leave dolorous contusions-bruises and thoughts that leave me questioning reality, questioning my essence, questioning myself

Take your pills, go to therapy
Take your pills, go to therapy

If i were in deed reviving from the sorrow i would no longer have these god awful scars and bruises

You can’t tell me i am not out of ones tree
when
you
scarcely
know
me  
At times I’m not sure if i even know me____________________­___

How i miss the nights of gritty lines of powder
not amphetamines
opiates and nicotine
some call it
a dopes hope
senseless vitality
nose out fine dust
peck of lust
down my neck
deaden caress
slump from a bump
pleased ease
composed mind.

sinking slowly into the sea
it is no mystery
giving a wink
you let me sink
I was at my brink, you didn't even think;
down the drain i went.

Oh how a good feeling is peeling off my skin

I must confess your caress brings my sorrow less
Sins win
Oh good feeling won't you stay,
Like cigarettes this feeling;
Pleasurable and some what addicting
Say you don't smoke menthol but you'd kiss it.

Menthol lips,
Swaying hips;
Good feeling please be lit.

A sense of being wanted
Hoping this Is not a furthermore trick.

Feeling reeling
Warmth coating my skin
Coating my mind
It's slime is soothing
Almost musing
Glazed eyes
A sparkle shines
Dimmed sensation
In my relation is this too late
Have I lost my fate to such a beautiful and lovely sensibility
Sleepy eyes pacific slumber

A mad mind.

The thought of yourself being crazy when you’re depressed is only a figment of ones overthinking
which depression may cause;

You drive yourself crazy with the contradicting thoughts which your depression lets crawl into your mind like little maggots

These maggots are what leave scars on your arms and bruises on your lips
The crisp whispers you may hear when you are going through depression are only falsehood.

Its goal- to swallow you whole.

Crush your bones into to dust
a must to hurt-sturt.

Different colors made of tears over the years
that’s what it fuels on

Pushing you to your edge
Pushing?
Heave
til you want to leave your last breath

It’s goal
Suicide-self slaughter

Everyone has a bit of “crazy” in them
It does not mean you are hopeless

Twinkle, twinkle great big sky
I tend to wonder how you got so high;

Was it *****, mescaline or shrooms?
Maybe that’s how the flowers began to bloom

Shooting up ****** in your veins
the roots changed colors and that’s how trees became

Twinkle, twinkle, great big sky
Inquire if the truths a lie.

Constant sorrow, so sweet how you borrow my time
you take my chime
wash away my gladness and leave me with unhappiness.

Stop to think how this
ink oozes out onto
this ivory tainted page

stop to think how this
think reached a brink
down i went
down the sink

in a wink i was
gasping for perception of sight
this was a fright
for my blood
to see it flood

this was a fight
respite
abruptly my eyes has peeled
and i had reeled the light.

Before sunset
pure Lysergic acid diethylamide
Beach
Slight coolness to the air
Places tab Upon tongues

Lips brush
One hour into journey
consciousness expanding
kaleidoscopic gaze
Peculiar colors

The waves dance in a jazz like pattern
softly he runs his fingers delicately through my scalp and constricts my hair like a snake wrapping its long smooth body around the mouse, its prey or lover

I lean closer
our lips brush, our cheeks blush
so do our surroundings they turn a ravishing tickled pink hue

gently we sink
and melt into grains of sand
gentle coition, his charming motion

idiosyncratic complexion casted on our bare frames
rich reflections of golden yellow and deep lilac

Dazed Graze

dusk to dawn
drawn to musk

Where is my mind?
was this just a mundane muse once again?
Where is my otherworldly lover?

Unknown.

Perspiration on my the window
humidity but simplicity
rain drops - tears
walk down my cheek
smoothly
the tears are no longer black
but a clearish'
blue
all due to
missing you

Recollecting memoir of a more pleasant time

The old man vague

Bottle or flask

deceive or mislead they do the same

dolorous darla,

she weeps a wistful whimper

Old crows hitch the feeble matron seems to be attentive

assisting with her dollar bills and *****

white horse

cheap wine

time to portray the role as nix bedrock

Crisp air, crisp air

wistful  whisper
weeping writhe

Crisp air, crisp air

Pale eyes, dainty lips

Crisp air, crisp air

Thaw
amorous embrace

Flushed air, flushed air

wistful kiss, crimson lips

blossom, bloom
bloodless doom

Pleased ease from a faithful and analeptic ******

-Rouse, rise, awaken

just a delusion, dream;
Only musing

Fizzle

Dreary a bit weary
but relaxed and nonchalant
as this okay scent-zest
enters my lungs and
exhales out my breath
a sooty cloud dances out
my mouth with a diverse shuffle
“ahh tranquility..”

Reflections are a deadly thing

Peeling the skin off my face
this repulsive pulse
Hoping there is no longer I

inquiring me be me
mirror
eyes of tears
pools of fears for only my own reflection
I've been me for 16 years
16 years of fears of a reflection

An unwanted flower in a green house of orchids, laughing daffodils and bright smiling sunflowers
who would want a ****
Even cacti are alluring
but a ****
there is no need

Pluck and pull out the sight of I
no longer a ****
maybe there is a seed
maybe                                    (just maybe)
i can blossom and bloom
into the floret you will not forget

When i see my shadow
i will not ring the blues
and my color will be a ravishing hue

is this true?

Ripe to be reformed
Take away my arms and legs
mend my heart and my head
no longer will these arms be bled
ruby colored shed
trickle from ones nose
staining smile
from a rose
crimson classification

Little flower don’t you cry
the rain will come soon
you will not die
it has been awhile since you've smiled
morning glory don’t tell another sad story
if you whimper it will make you limper
colors of tears will not hydrate your petals.

Self loathing
confusion a snafu is what i am
nothing more but a waste of space

I always ponder why i am in this place
I want to have potential-to feel like i’m worthwhile, worth breathing, worth existing

Always asking for the truth, asking for an answer

shifting

Why can’t anyone hear my cry for help, my weep for the truth
Searching for a reason why i’m doubtful and suffer these scars subliminally

Malady
I’ve come to accept i’m mentally ******
A loony
A daft existence
Unhappy threnody

but am i existing?

Is this actuality, reality
Too much sensibility

emotion teeming sensitivity

why
why

why

shipwrecks on the sea
the bermuda triangle
as far as the eye can see
salt city in our view
the ocean is mysterious as well as you
the sky turns a dark dour hue
crash bang boom
the tide, the waves hit against the ships wooden exterior
acerbic impact like the taste of sea water left on my tongue from the oceans kiss
time warps
delusion and confusion
“where are we?”
the captain inquires heretofore we were sailing to shore
“who are we?”
vortex vorticose
we sink
feast one’s eyes at the watery waste above us
The taste of that brackish kiss once again
submerging my lungs, the sea is deadly.

I’ve got great respect for those who have suffered long
and more respect for those who have gone

The sorrow of manipulation of the mind-depression

If you wait you’ll have a full plate
no more hate
of fate.

The truth your mind produces
is only fabrication to the brains nation.

Trust me i know.

The one
We don't know them, we try to touch them
Bones covered in flesh
Flesh covered in sheets
Crawling out of beds trying to find the one
Bones covered by fresh flesh
Strains of hair from heads from beds stretched on your bones
The lipstick marks of femmes burned on your neck
and the sound of moans ring your ears
Juice from a dumpster
In an alley
in a city,
leak as you sweat
You never loved me
now you are free to be
Do you realize these scars on my arms are permanent
I don't want to love you
But Your touch melts me and my heart is ice

The sun and the moons analogy,
luminous the suns smile;
the warmth, assurance you the sun bring me.
Moon your gleam
when all is shadow and gloom
Pleasant sleep, not a weep.
Both bringing me light when the strings are pulled tight.

I’m a stranger in my own home
Look for me you’ll find me alone

Standing in a field of melancholy
“it ain't that bad”
You don’t understand the struggles I've had

grasping for a hand that isn't there
I go down under
thick hair and laced underwear

tainted lips of a painted picture
how can you figure i’m all here

falling pieces of myself along the way like the trail of cigarettes butts i leave
I’m slowing growing dimmer

perhaps a sinner
hanging on by a string, slice me out of this ugly world.

Thinking and shrinking

The road, the stream it goes on a path right or not the water will go back In all directions depending on which way the wind will blow;
Blow,
a fine  line of powder, time a late hour
coward
Sensitive motion a great commotion the shout, scream, of the empty fields  a dream
the end the joke
Mind soup not a loop
The stream intertwined
a night bird dined at an odd particular time it had a story
It wore leather boots
Scent of potency
Burning leather
She admired
a invisible fire
Leafs burning,
trees earning
for a taste of the stream
but the wind lead it in another direction.
Correction if not evil, night hawk flights into the dark sky with no fright quite a sight
No one tell its devious outcome he never told where he was from.
A twisting turning stream no love in between.

I feel as though my time is fading fast
dispersing in the air like the smoke of a cigarette
which rests out  her crimson painted colored lips

Grandfather clocks hands grow tired from the constant
ticking of pointless bogus

Impulsive eyes and cracked smile bonded with band aids
and scars that will never fade the last blade my sight has laid upon
pressed firmly on the film of my skin
the ruby juice flows like a stream
going out like a light
the birds chirped and flowers bloomed
John Lennon rose from the grave and sang
“imagine”
and the world did live as one because i was none.

Slipping through my hands
time in sand
my weary dreary eyes
connect the dots of lies
the tears i've cried over the years gather up into my heart
no one can handle my watery love
why is that what mostly i have been thinking of
it’s unusual when radically i was content with being alone
in nothing flat i never want to be at home
anticipating the time to come when being alone has shown  gratification.

These shoulders of mine are growing tired from my not growing wings
the anchors on my feet start to blister
Mister time is taking a ride
alive i am
everything is so very bland now and days
the polish is chipping off my claws
**** the feelings and knowledge is chipping from my head
why can't i write no longer
why can’t i feel no longer
did my hands fall off
did my head fall off
who am i

if it wasn't for the thrill or to even remotely feel
i wouldn't do drugs they ****

let me wash down those happy pills the hospital gave me
with a swig of numbness to my emotions only to make myself stable
to not feel
to not self sacrifice
to follow the systematic process that takes “time”
waiting and waiting for my wings to grow