Have the windows always been closed?
The blinds, I mean?
What's the point of a window with no light?
The sun, I mean?

The joy is perhaps what I really meant.
Where is the joy?

Why aren't we looking out our windows?
What's so awful we refuse joy?
Simple, simple joy.

A bird leaving its tree.
The breeze pushing the pollen.
Sounds of life and love and laughter and fear.

Oh there it is.
It didn't take very long to remember.

That's why the blinds are closed.
That's why the windows will never be open again.

I bought you flowers today just to throw them away.

I never had a goal or dream
Just a feeling I chase
A feeling that gets looked over so often
Yet it's used in everyday conversation
It's such an easy way to be good
To be good, laughable
That feeling, those words
They'll never make you good
"Thank You"
So polite
"Thank You. Come again."
Required
"Don't forget to say Thank You"
Forgettable

I am no longer thankful
I have become the thankless
Begging for gratitude in my own eyes

"I'm keeping it together so my parents won't have to sit in a funeral asking what they did wrong..."

There would be a thought for me
There would be tears
But my death would become the centerpiece of a narcissistic feast
To be put on display for parties and newcomers
A cornucopia of despair
Drinking up the tears as a vampire fiend
Another story to be embellished
Another unique notch in a leather belt that's fallen apart
Our family is a legacy of stories
How could I not become one?

My stomach felt like a pit today then I remembered..

It's your birthday.

But you'll always be 24.

Thanks for being here.

I am desperately uninspired and gloomy.

And within that, here we are with inspiration and joy.

My mind blocked out
no no no
I blocked out
no yes no

I didn't do the thing I said I'd do again
And it hurt me
again

no
no
no

I hurt me again

Fictile

Ironic be it the day

"I've never felt my tongue caress a name with such pure sincerity and happiness every time it's spoken, my lips break into a grin at the thought of your lovely face smiling back at mine knowing how adoringly I speak of you every time.♥️"

The funny thing about corners is that you need two straight lines to make them.
Two lines with direction, both leading on a well laid path.
Following the line and law of the wall.
It takes two to corner.
And one to lash out.

At what point does the tide move the rock.
It is inevitable.
Though the rock be tough and strong.
Water will pass through it after the years.
Which is how the Earth created harmony

Baby Breath blooms in the window at Spring
I hear Robins sing to loving winds
Streams gather new Dams for life
You are the last tulip to blossom
And the most beautiful in the field

Most people
When they think about dying
They blame all the people and all the reasons and all the crimes

But for me
What made you happy

Tell me what made you happy before I go

Tell me how to play dice
Or your favorite band

Tell me something you loved before I go
Tell me something that will help you carry on without me

All my idols have killed themselves

Maybe I should be like them

i am worthless
worthless to the love I've had
worthless to the love I have



**** this

How could the thing that I've loved the most in this world
Spit in my face

Pulling tight the strings of my heart as if they'll break any day
Ripping through my spiritual walls as if they were paper mache

Calling to me in every bit of silence
I hear you speaking my name
Whispering how you want me and that no other shall take my place

Crippling ideas of who I should be and what I am through the day
Giving me strength at first glance as that smile comes across your face
Holding tight to my soul like a kid's first grip on a kite

You are my absolute, my everything, my being

And above all else
You give me love and I return it generously

my dad has cancer
i don't have any poetry about that

I could be at your front door right now.

Pacing back and forth.
Palms too sweaty to knock.
Heart too full, it could pop.

****.
****.
****.

Knock on the ******* door.

Take her in your arms once more.
Make her cry your name once more.
Make the Earth stand still once more.
Make the Gods shy away once more.

****.
I could be at your front door right now.

How incapacitated can I get
Before the thought of You
Isn't You but just you

Lungs coughing up truths
Instead of smoke
Backspacing lines
Instead of snorting them
Tears fill my glasses
While top shelf stays top shelf

More people more souls
I'll consume all that I see
Anything to keep You from Me

Wickedness drawn from my mouth like poison pulled from a wound
Leave the body to rot
You've escaped your time again
Continuing to flow like wasted water down a kitchen sink
Control that which runs so freely

But why
What be the point of control for the soul made to show joy
Made to show light and laughter and love
Be it not your idea
But be it that which creates ideas

Share, share, and share again
Show humanity your truths and hold tight to your mantle

Wear the thorned crown of the Prince
Call upon the Lady of the Land
Rip open all that ever was and will be
Show the sheep how to shave their wool

I'm playing Gatsby
Wearing a hat made not for my head
Diving into empty pools of silver
Staring at a green light which isn't there

Or maybe it is?
I never really got that part of the book.

I never really got that part of me
Swinging on hallowed grounds
Smiling through broken teeth
Throwing parties for parting

**I should read it again.
Maybe I'll get it this time.

I am longing for ghosts which have yet to die
Whimpering in a corner for well deserved beatings
Begging for my good punishment

Haunt me, wicked one
But be sweet about it

whispering ghosts call from the twinkling lights
stirring emotions I never recalled
smoke lingers between *******
calling upon mother, our god
crisp air scars her face
no sight of repair nor despair
holy joy to be found
inside ruby clover heads

how dare you care

Maybe if I wasn't wrong all the time I would see the right sitting to my left
If all these little things didn't haunt me
I'd just stare at the large things I refuse to see
Body swimming in an ocean of cement
Everything I do is a contradiction to the truths
Yet I claim to speak nothing but
What a ****** fool I've been

How beautiful the lighthouse does shine on its hill
Being worshipped by sailors around
How strong and stable and gorgeous is she
Never turning a boat the wrong way round

Little did the sailors know that the lighthouse wasn't alone

The old man hoped and hoped for her
That her light shine bright and glow
And soon enough the light did shine
Brighter than the old man's eyes and soul  

He watched her light proudly every single night
And how she protected those smaller than her
The old man's hope grew to faith and he knew what he had to do

The lighthouse felt a gentle closing upon its always open door
The old man had faith that the lighthouse needed him no more
The faith had grown so much inside that the lighthouse finally knew

She was there to light our ways just as the old man taught her to

Helped the self right out of the front door

That's what happens when women read

I'm diseased
All of it eating me alive
Inside out


Finish your feast, would you?

Did I ever say 'I love you' in the proper time and place?
Did I ever call for you in tones of passion as you claim?
Did I ever hold your hand too tightly?
Did I ever listen to your rain?

Your thunder?
Your lighting?

Did I ever sit on the porch for that last cigarette?

Droplets commit their suicides against a window
Never reaching the ground they were promised
Leaving the clouds as hope guides them
Believing they have purspose
To help all grow and restore
But the rain didn't know that it had to die
In order for us to live