Its a hunger pain
That grows
And grows
Into a singular pearl
A wisdom that then
Returns the pain with pangs
Of reason
But i cover them up
With other dumb *****
For a night on the town
To drown the voices out
To avoid Confronting my doubts
So i can Clown
The faces of my own tragedies
While acting out the comedies
Of the dichotomy
Forming within me.

I've had many chances at love
I've had a couple good loves
But greedy me wants love all to myself
I cant share it
I cant share it
no matter how hard I try
it always goes away
for I'm better off alone
then hog all the sunshine
and give everyone else rain
I cant share love baby girl
But I can sure share my pain
of maybe loosing you
and in this train of thought
I loose you anyways
If I could just share
Id be a Pair
and not a Single
but it's okay
its okay
its okay

Jumped on the sober wagon
soon will be choking myself with
this silk armani tie
Fresh shoes
and clean cut hair and face
I disgrace my fellow drunks
cleaned up and clear headed
its almost sickening
Looking at myself sober in the mirror
Im alot uglier
usually I see myself in 2s
and im awfully handsome
today a relapse is as close
as the hidden bottle I store away on
hard dry days
but my AA book blocks my path
as I put it next to the hidden bottle
smart but foolish
for a decision can be easily made
grab the book
or the bottle

Flipping threw my old yearbook
I see girls who were once gorgeous
tooken my the devils hand
pregnant and life beaten now
horrendous
I remember seeing them
with there cheerleading outfits on
As I sat in a corner by myself
I here them laughing and chatting
about going to tonys house after school
I remember tony strong handsome captain of the highschool world
I saw him two weeks ago
With his hands covering his face
And a shot next to him
3 empty beers infront
He really let himself go I remember thinking
fat and forgotten about
still clinging to that highschool dream
I remember him saying I was a loser as he flipped my lunch tray
and humiliated me by reading my little notebook of writes
I remember saying to him
one day ill have the last laugh
one day ill see you down and out
and you'll ask me for a handout
going back to the bar I sit down
A couple stools down to see if he recognised me
He finished his 3 beers as I finished my long island ice tee
he said to the bar tender I gotta ***
be right back
I followed him to the restroom
and we were a ****** apart
I looked over and seen his small patheic *****
as I looked at my *****
I laughed
and I laughed
and I laughed
looked over at tony
and said see sir
I did get the last laugh
and I left
I hope he knows me now
I hope he knows me now

*****
I know how to cure it
***** line
like The Neon around the sign
I can be cured
one shot at a time
I see girls talking to boys
boys talking to girls
boys talking to boys
girls talking to girls
and drunks like me talking to there bottle of cheap beer
I spot a girl in the back corner no friends surround her
no boyfriend playing pool keeping a eye on her
I walk my way over
and muster a couple lines to get my way in for a seat
I walk up and ask her what shes drinking
and if she'd enjoy some company
she replies
what makes you different then any other guy
I look her in her eyes
and tell her I just want her for the night
I tell her I just want to see what she looks like out of these dim lights
my place after your drink
she replies yes
as I said before I was *****
I could tell she was too from across the room
easy as pie waiting out on the window ledge
you can smell fresh pie from a mile away
as I lead her into my room
I unravel her clothes she thinks are exspensive
but I'll make her feel cheap tonight
I bite her flesh on her neck and kiss her earlobes
and I whisper whos a little *****
she replies me me me
I take down her *******
and they are actually entertaining hello kitty
as I giggle she giggles
as my fingers rub her inner thigh she wiggels
and arches her back
that when you know its game on
I grasp her somewhat chubby waste
she says at the most random moment a girl can ask
by the way whats your name
I say im Jay and you'll always remember me
I shove all of myself in
and she gasps
and she says
oh yes Jay I will always remember you.
we fall asleep
I wake up
call a cab
and tell her she has to leave
I toss her a cigarette and tell her to wait outside
and to never come back

Exposed. Unclosed
Unused and disposed.
In an attempt to be attached,
I was detached and let go.
In search for affection
It became an infection.
Made the choice to walk my own path
With no sense of direction.
A woman of progression.
A girl of aggression.
Constant presence of a hole, never quit whole.
House was never home.
Never felt "with company"
But never left alone.
Refutation of becoming a clone.
Reputation of being a *****.
But what's the perfect woman?
Without an imperfect glitch?
Torn, never stitched.
Never fixed.
But never cry.
Not too many hellos.
Way too many goodbyes.
Once I filled myself with pride. .
Never felt more alive.
To begin the life I wanted to live,
I first had to die.
Try to understand, interpret just who I am.
All the places which I have fallen
Have led me to where I stand.

Some try to convince themselves,
this is the rarest of sensations
as they walk along the edges of a place
where their name is whispered by a spring
that flows love to all.
Still, we wonder
if it takes a truly perfect heart
beating softly
inside of a self-built cocoon
to be inspired,
hear the call.  

Does nightfall build the pressure felt
of those who fall
until they lower their expectations
find they are climbing mountains
hoping to catch
the silvery moon?
Is it not obvious that these hearts
will travel fearlessly
always bowing their heads
and closing their eyes,
in hope true love
will blossom soon.

I wonder if they have folded their hearts'
around an ache
no one is able to see.
Or if this is only the beginning
of recognizing myself
in their mirror.  
This rare sensation I feel
walking along the same edge
is merely erasing each step
fearlessly taken.
The silvery moon
has not....
grown any nearer.

A misty sunrise fills the east
With yellow, gold and red.
The bowl of space a palest blue,
Sheds light upon our bed.
The warmth beside my soul, a feast
Of love for only you.

So let the birds, with song, remain
Within the morning hours,
To pour upon the crisp, new day
A hope, like cleansing showers.
For you I send refreshing rain
To wash the past away.

A quiet breeze so warm and slow,
Has drifted ‘cross my face.
It brings the scents from flower climbs,
And leaves without a trace.
It stirred this battered heart, you know,
To love this perfect time.

Like whispers lost at sea, we soar
Beyond the sky of fire.
Together. Lost together, free
To claim our each desire.
Like leaves we float to earth, once more
To close our eyes and be.

We are all placed on this earth

****** up from birth

Wars  here volcanoes there

Sadness miseries anger

We just can't take

They say humans have a choice to make

I say god gave us stuff we cant take

six days for creating earth

one sec to break heart