It was a chance meeting, I knew not what was ahead,
random walks, conversations, coffees and smokes,
days into nights and then early mornings...
chances random and make believe,
hints, assumptions, misconceptions and conditions.
I wanted to but couldn't see behind the blur.
It was too eerie when i came out all alone,
but I could see you across the road.
You held my hand till I was safe.
You let go when I wanted to not...

Days diluting into painful night times,
actions tormenting, waves of coldness.

Through months, often shivering,
crying, running back to you.
Dejected, lonely, you'd hold me,
take away all my pain.

Sometimes, you would cause it,
the rain would howl and cry...

There was a sudden change of heart,
you wanted more sunshine than rain,
no tears, coming close again,
tongue-tied, lip-locked joys...

In a blink of an eye, you vanished.
Punishing me for sins undone.
Thorned and unloved i hold on...
the void takes up all the space...

I write, I scribble, I sketch,
I try, I fail, I survive.
I cry, I laugh, I pine,
I share, I hide, I respond.

I run, I halt, I return,
I skip, I jump, I cross.
I weep, I howl, I sob,
I see, I smile, I feel.

I wish, I want, I need,
I ask, I tell, I crib.
I befriend, I love, I hate,
I paint, I cook, I create.

My heart skips many a beat,
I wander a little more till I find you yet again....

Hidden dim light in the corner somewhere,
Lost in the dark shadows,
Blurred images of a recent past
Diluting into the rains.

An untamed monsoon thunders,
Shaking me from inside
The earth rattles and trembles
Still standing under the pains.

The night crawls into the morning,
And then again morning into night.
Clouds appear and disappear,
While I still look for thee…

I curl up, in disillusionment, hoping for a miracle,
For warm smiles and bear hugs to be back...

I can hear the rain; I can’t see it much though.
First, gently in the background, then like a storm.

Uprooting trees, taming fast bikers,
Washing away the tears, taking with it-
Everything, everyone, every time.

I smell the moist earth.
It smells of love, it smells of you.

A forgotten feeling, of fond memories,
Holding hands in the rain and random walks,
Of light, romantic, musical moments.

Wrapped in your arms, in the dim yellow light,
Like an old photograph coming to life.

I pine; I surrender to the longing,
I urge you to pull me close again, tonight…

The life we don’t live
The dreams we don’t realize
The fears we don’t share
The pain growing within
The colours that slowly fade
The hope that never takes place
Life being more random than ever
Not belonging to where I am
It doesn’t feel like the right place
A space I pretend suffices
It suffocates me insides
Around me I see emptiness
In form, sometimes shapeless…

i want to write.
i want to write more.
i want to talk.
i want to vent.
i want to say so many things.
i want to howl.
i want to cry.
i want to soak the warmth from the sky.
i am cold.
i am lost.
in the hope that you'll come. i walk.
i walk. i walk. i walk.
i stop. the shadow is still.
there is nothing beyond.
i stumble upon a void.
its a space all around.
unfamiliar and cold.
the hate i feel is painful
it suffocates me.
i can stop the tears.
i cannot heal the pain.
i cannot fill the gaps.
i am blinded by the darkness.
my faith slipped looking for you.
you grabbed it.
buried it somewhere.
now there's only so much left.

me in the stillness of the night.
as i wait. i wait. i wait.
you bring home more pain....