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186 · Jan 2023
Freefall
badwords Jan 2023
This one time
I fell out of a plane
Or a spaceship
I guess it's the same

I had a perspective so grand
For where I might land
And I could see,
All possibility

The present, the future, the past
The woes and the wins
Time dilated, all dies cast
Topography approaching, fast

For a short time;
"I am flying!"
A juxtaposition of mine
For my imminent dying

I hit the ground
Kersplat!
With no one around
To hear that

Was I a tree--
In it's third act?
No spectators to see
The impact

Did I fall?
Or was this a dream?
In absence of all
This would seem

A quiet desolation
Silent affirmation
An invisible monument
To what we mean
Okay, here is the last one from the storage bins... For now. I feel like when I had this posted years ago, it never really gained much attraction. The allegory and prose are decent enough and I personally appreciated the narrative (obviously).

The experiment was a playful exploration of existentialism (quelle surprise)  While I do exit on sombre tones I felt like it was an effective juxtaposition I felt like it was an honest counter-point to the listed repartee. I'm not some non-sense blowing smoke up your ***.

As it is, this still stand as one my my personal favorite pieces. It'll never be perfect but, neither will I.
184 · Feb 2021
Squall
badwords Feb 2021
She spins a web
Like a clock
Flow and ebb
A prudent stock
it does not confound
With time
A truth is found
With rhyme
With reason
Blood on her hands
Another season
******, it stands
A game; check and mate
Gone once again
Silence, no debate
Just another 'friend'
An absence of notion
Perpetual motion
Lost inside
No self to confide
A storm in the ocean
184 · Sep 2023
Planning For the Future
badwords Sep 2023
I am not a particularly intelligent person
But, I have a decent ability to recall
Two-years-old, situations I did worsen
Yet, I don't remember their 'fall'

One of my earliest points of memory
Almost three years old: choices just begot
My Mom's parents visit with a caravan of glee
A robot-car sent on a septic adventure for naught
ICYMI: Autobots have little warranty...

The poor chap was certainly worse for the wear
Two years on this face, I hardly recognized a trace
I am engulfed in the concept of 'care'
I begin to understand the idea of 'space'

...

We move around a lot, a different school each year
I never knew anyone, hardly myself
Mom's drinks with friends, now a lonely 12 pack of beer
Undefined desires put on the shelf

8th grade, at best. Mother's mistakes. My behest
No school. Motel efficiency. On our own.
A thirteen-year-old adoptive father at the test
A pool, limited cable TV; "make this home"

Although she shared a different paternal progeny
My half-sister should not share the same fate as me
I tried to make Mom's $5 to feed us celebratory!
But, I think she grasped the sadness. Solidarity.

...

I miss them now, although we do not speak
My mom is dead and my relationship with Molly is weak
For my failure, I fear I reek
Unable to provide the happiness they seek

...

I never learned to plan for the days ahead
I spend my time, aestheticizing myself instead
Joy supplemented by chemicals to quiet my head
A torn and tattered thread

If I had one wish:

I would hope that we all are doing better
badwords Jun 7
A poet once shouted, “Untrue!
Your pieces are kitsch in a queue!
You mimic the frame,
But butcher the name—
It’s cosplay, not art, that you do.”
183 · Mar 29
Unnecessary
badwords Mar 29
I saw my voice walk out the mouth of you.
It sounded cleaner—less afraid to land.
The metaphors, the weight, the angle too—
but carried with a sharper, steadier hand.

You said the thing I’d almost thought to say,
but smoothed the edge I left too raw, too late.
I watched it move with grace I couldn’t fake,
like watching someone else translate my fate.

I never claimed the patent for the ache,
but still, it stung to see it said so well.
You didn’t steal—no lines for me to stake—
just haunted me with how your cadence fell.

I’m not the first, and God, I’m not the best.
But still I hoped I had a tone that stayed.
And when you spoke it cleaner from your chest,
I felt my outline tremble, then obey.

I called it kin, then caught myself and stalled.
Would that make me a fraud, or just a root?
A prototype? A first-run demo called
to clap for someone dressed in better truth?

I don’t resent it—no, I feel relief.
To hear my half-formed shapes come into form.
But still I sit beneath this quiet grief:
was I the signal, or just part of the swarm?
#smh

Yeah, that iambic pentameter, get your parent's permission before tying this at home.
182 · Dec 2024
#4 A Day Goes By
badwords Dec 2024
Hades left, but no one cried,
The bar stayed open, life complied.
Another drink, another night,
The same old faces, the same dim light.

The jukebox dead, the neon low,
The bartender poured, the TV glowed.
Sportsball flickered, some team scored,
Nobody cheered, nobody roared.

A truck pulled in, a truck pulled out,
Engines growled, tires turned about.
The gas pumps clicked, the motel keys jingled,
The air grew cold, and collars mingled.

Nobody asked, “Where did he go?”
Nobody cared, or didn’t show.
They raised their glasses, tipped their hats,
The world moved on, just like that.

The sticky floors still held their own,
The fading lights still cast their tone.
The doors swung shut, the wind went quiet,
Routine returned, a steady diet.

In Nowheretown, it’s always been
A place of ends, a place of when.
Hades gone? It’s just one more,
Life shuffles on, same as before.
Previous:
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/4930058/2-no-where/

Start Over:
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/4930049/1-hades-lament/

Check out the Nowheretown Anthology:
https://hellopoetry.com/collection/135790/nowheretown/


Go Nowhere:
https://kiloblitz.net/2024/12/09/life-of-nowhere/
182 · Dec 2022
The Reptile
badwords Dec 2022
There is a part of my brain
That believes it keeps me sane
While 'Over' is the game
A ludicrous plane

The reality: deceased
A temporary lease
**** so ******
Life abrupt

"Hang in there'
They say
In that colloquial way
No idea where

The lizard breathes
Impetuousness seethes
It's time to go
The last rodeo

And I fear
My actions and choices
Too many voices
Nothing is clear

That part of my mind
I wish to leave behind
To be kind
To those left behind

I ask to turn it off
And they scoff
'I'm not well'
'Enjoy your hell'

Everything was here before me
Everything will be here after
I am an irrelevant part of possibility
Please contain your laughter
181 · Apr 17
Traitor
badwords Apr 17
I betrayed my sadness
the moment I let her
touch my face
without flinching.

I fed it for years—
grief, my quiet tenant.
We slept in shifts.
I mopped its floor.
It whispered bedtime stories
in a voice that sounded like mine
but colder.

Sadness was loyal.
It never left.
It kept me honest,
hungry,
hollow.
It taught me to build poems
from absence,
to see beauty
in staying behind.

And now—
I’ve let the door swing open.

Let her walk in
with warm hands
and eyes that do not apologize
for seeing me.

And I laughed.
Once.
Loudly.
And for a second
it didn’t feel like treason.
It felt like
oxygen.

But now my sadness
sits in the corner,
quiet,
watching me
like a dog I fed for years
that doesn’t understand
why I’m not
starving anymore.

I didn’t mean to betray it.
Only—
to rest.
To live.
To be something
besides
the ache.

But I miss it.
A little.
How it curled around me
like smoke,
like a certainty
that asked nothing
but silence.

Still, I let her in.
Still, I let go.
Still, I know—
some ghosts only leave
when you stop
feeding them.
181 · Aug 16
Because
badwords Aug 16
Sleepless nights
between the sheets
all the curse
between us

futile fights
stranger meets
make it worse
because
This is absolutely terrible.

This is for posterity and a laugh.
180 · Sep 2023
'Old Poets'
badwords Sep 2023
The speech is simple--alright, even good
The motifs are coy--effective narrative toys
Yet we pander, an incestuous neighborhood
Words for art or egotistical ploys?

I remember as a kid
This one time I hid
To see who would look
Hours I waited
I even baited
Yet the temptations never took

I sat in the dark, alone
The first time without a home
Eventually, I fell asleep
Perhaps too tired to weep

For something I never had

I grew older, I grew bolder
My heart yearning for a holder
While we are born alone
We can relate, we can atone

I sought solace in compromise
An ulterior motive in which to subscribe
Payments due, yet a place to confide
All the secrets I hoard inside

It was never a fun ride

And I am older still
Maybe not quite 'over the hill'
But, I know what I have learned--
At first; 'safety', later 'acceptance' and then 'a thrill'
Fun takes its toll. Climb up that pole. Feed that pain a pill
We **** and we pillage, orphan a village--all for what've we yearned

We are sociopaths, the lot.
We cared naught.
For the heartache we begot
'We never asked to be here"
"We are free and clear in the direction we steer"
If that is the case,
We only replicate the beast to satiate
Take a moment. Stop and think. Pause and wait.

Have you become the 'good' or the things you 'hate'?
180 · Jan 2024
Methodology
badwords Jan 2024
Atoms beget molecules.
Ions take their cue.
Structure, a matrix.
Escape, a fix.

Sorrow, crystalline.
Hurt to be undone.
A war, never won.
Just a casualty of one.

Non-consensual existence.
The future past-tense.
A struggle to survive.
The pain of being alive.

We all want to be free.
Escape inherited misery.
Few choices can we see
Systemic denial of agency.

Joy, we've conceded.
Depression, defeated.
Is it too much to reel,
To simply not feel?
A piece I was inspired to write after reading: https://hellopoetry.com/poem/4793410/it-takes-allsorts/
180 · Jun 2023
'Dazzled'
badwords Jun 2023
Dazzled, bewitched, betwixt
Your attention is clearly affixed
To  fantasy, a dream--a non-reality
This sad thing you see as me

But, I love you as you are
Although, your dreams take you far
Away into the distance
Illusion believed as instance

Beauty decried by the blind
Have regard for those left behind-
Sight intoxicating
Left waiting,

And wanting; more


It's just a door!
But, you adore

A projection
Of a reflection

Of what you can't keep inside
The elephant you cannot hide


But, it's just a door!
A portal into possibility
You're wanting more
And never question what you seek

In this hallway
there are many doors
It's easy to run away
And simply choose one that is 'ours'

But, we must question our periphery
Understand not all is what we see
We must find Love internally
Before professing it eternally;
"To truly love another--first, I must love me"
It's been awhile! Here's another one from my closet of failure-shame. Again, I have no means of pinpointing whence this was a **** on the world but, take a gawk and have a well-deserved laugh at a dad in crocs-n-socks!

This relates a turning point in a considerably long-term-relationship of mine some time ago (dating conventions for your work are very helpful (and! auto-biographical!)). Without regard, it didn't work out but, good friends are nice things to have even when souls do not mate.

Ultimately, this piece possesses that quintessential 'me-vibe' that I had from time unrecorded; the structure is clunky and the prose is ham-******. It so eagerly tries to be meaningful but, get lost in the sauce. I can appreciate it as a rest stop on the journey I pursue.

Thank you for reading <3
180 · Mar 28
Split Tongues
badwords Mar 28
You speak
in linen threads,
crease the page
with careful weight.

I write
like a wire frays—
all snap
and static.

You linger.
I lunge.
You plant quiet seeds.
I strike the flint
and call it bloom.

We are not
the same instrument.
Your hush
doesn’t dull my clang.
My heat
doesn’t melt your frame.

There is no prize
for loudness.
No shame
in restraint.

But still,
we each mistook the other
for the reason to stop.

As if difference
were subtraction.
As if one voice
could ever
void another.

Let’s not play
at vanishing.
Let’s speak
in split tongues—
you in dusk,
me in flame—
and let the echo
be richer
for it.
You know who you are.
177 · Nov 2024
Waiting
badwords Nov 2024
No storm will part for you.
No sky will split to lend its hand.
The world does not pause for prayers,
nor shift its weight to ease your burden.
You walk, or you don’t.

Power sits silent—
not in clouds or distant thrones,
but in the rhythm of your blood,
the grit of your teeth,
the steadiness of your tread.

The stars may hang as guides,
but they will not steer.
Their light is yours to chart,
their meaning yours to claim,
or ignore.

No force bends the wind to your need.
It moves as it always has,
carrying whispers, not answers,
and leaves the echo
for you to shape.

Your hands are the mapmakers.
Your feet know the ground.
The weight on your shoulders is yours
to shed or carry.
The climb begins and ends with you.

Do not wait for fire
to burn a path.
Do not ask the storm to clear.
The path is only yours
when you forge it.
Don't wait, do!
badwords Jul 2023
A historical legacy of extrinsic homicide
But,  we come up dry for suicide
A grippy-sock-vacation...
"No gun in my nation"

Baby-un-doers, people-erasers
It's an opiniated face in this pleasure
A burglar is a child
"Killing babies is wild!"

In your hands, ultimate precision
In your hands; ultimate decision
Lend me your piece
So, I can make peace

With someone who would never break into your home.
176 · Jan 2024
And Such
badwords Jan 2024
I remember when love was 'pure'.
When everything was sure.
Everyone had 'somebody'.
No one, 'A nobody'.

I bought those tales.
Young, a fool.
A story of 'fails'.
There is no 'school'.

'Try again', after hurt.
Meaning less than dirt.
How much?
Why is such?

We are animals, set free.
Nothing true yet, we decree.
Loneliness, the enemy.
'Love' the door, 'compromise' the 'key'.

At what point is suffering perpetuity?
When are we free?
There is 'you' there is 'me'
Pain, solidarity.

Why are we alone, together?
We both want better.
'Do we ask for this?'
The clocks amiss.

When it's good; it's great.
My reservations can wait.
When it's bad, I cry.
Ask myself, 'Why?'

But, I want you
Your sadness is my joy.
You give me reason, payments due:
A place for a broken toy.
175 · Mar 8
The Curtain Call
badwords Mar 8
I did not ask to stand in light,
nor walk the stage, nor speak my lines.
Yet here I am—through fault, through fight,
through twenty years of measured time.

The script is looped, the plot is stale,
the exits marked in hollow lead.
To fight is folly, frail, and fraught,
to fold is merely left unsaid.

No gods to beg, no fate to barter,
no judge to weigh what I have spent.
I claim this act, its ink, its end,
I take the bow, the stage is bent.

And still—the show will stagger on,
past hollow men and empty breath.
But I was here, and let it stand,
this ending was my own to set.
174 · Mar 29
I Saw My Style Walk By
badwords Mar 29
I saw my style walk by one day—
not on my tongue, but hers.
She wore it sharp, the proper way,
no fumbling metaphors.

She took the chords I tried to play
and sang them in a key
that made the notes behave, obey—
they never did for me.

She moved like smoke I meant to catch
but always blew too soon.
Her echo had a cleaner scratch,
my radio, in tune.

I felt my fingerprints, but faint—
like whispers through a wall.
Not loud enough to make a claim,
but loud enough to fall.

I didn’t feel erased, or robbed,
or flattered to the core.
Just grateful I had once been sobbed—
and now, I’m sung once more.
(and she looked better in it)
174 · Apr 1
No Answer
badwords Apr 1
Don’t ******* call me
like you didn’t grind me down
to bone and breathless compliance.

Don’t ask how I’m healing
when you handed me the wounds.

You used my body
like it was a rental—
no oil change, no thank-you.
Just mileage and abandonment.

You praised my resilience
while watching me split.
You called me devoted
because I crawled back bleeding.

I was your hospice—
not your lover.
Your proof of concept,
not your partner.
And now you wear compassion
like a new coat
over the same rot.

I see what you’re doing.

You want my silence
to sanitize your story.
You want to use my dignity
as a character reference.

You want me to pretend
you didn’t **** me raw,
leave me rawer,
and call it love.

You want me to pick up
just so you can hang up
with a cleaner conscience.

But I’ve learned
that ghosts don’t need phones.
And abusers don’t get closure.

So here it is:
the only call you’ll get—
straight from the wreckage
you refused to name:

You don’t get to rewrite me.
You don’t get to remember me gently.
You don’t get to touch this ruin
with clean hands.
(for every pantomime of care)

Work inspired by:
https://hellopoetry.com/poem/5021571/pretend-calls/

#NSFW
174 · Jan 2024
Happiness
badwords Jan 2024
I'm not looking for a registered gun.
Simply need a one and done.
You can have it back when I am finished. Also everything I owned. Sorry about the mess....
174 · Dec 2024
The Quiet Fracture
badwords Dec 2024
Change is not the butterfly’s wing,
Not the grace of fluttering spring.
It is the chrysalis, dark, confined,
A violent unraveling, flesh redesigned.

It whispers through cracks, silent and slow,
Infiltrates walls where no banners glow.
No trumpets, no riots, no fiery screams,
Just shadows eroding the edges of dreams.

For revolutions burn with a blinding light,
But their embers fade in the cold of night.
Heroes fall, their voices decay,
Ideals scatter like ash, blown away.

Yet water will creep where stone resists,
Freeze in the fractures, expand with a twist.
It breaks the façade without sounding alarms,
Silent as whispers, yet deadly in arms.

The status quo guards its gilded throne,
Fearing the seeds that are quietly sown.
Change knows this—so it moves in disguise,
A patient assault beneath watchful eyes.

Let others charge with their banners unfurled,
Change burrows deep in the heart of the world.
For only the subtle, the patient, the sly,
Will fracture the walls and let falsehoods die.
A response to:

https://hellopoetry.com/poem/4909023/change-is-inevitable/

Counter-Argument: The Brutality of Change
Change is lionized as a graceful metamorphosis, but that ignores the violence of the process itself. The narrative of the butterfly glosses over the brutal disintegration inside the chrysalis. The caterpillar doesn’t simply sprout wings; it dissolves into primordial soup before reconstituting itself. If the cocoon were transparent, we’d recoil at the grotesque transformation, not celebrate it.

In human societies, meaningful change is no different. It is rarely welcomed. It disrupts power structures, shatters norms, and demands discomfort. The status quo exists because it protects entrenched interests—those who benefit from stability will fight tooth and nail to preserve it. Public, bombastic attempts at change—revolutions, protests, upheavals—are met with suppression, co-optation, or decay. History is littered with revolutions that burned bright but died with their leaders, the ideals buried under the rubble of resistance.

True, lasting change does not trumpet itself. It works quietly, subtly, infiltrating systems from within, eroding the foundations of the status quo without announcing its presence. Like water seeping into cracks and freezing, expanding slowly until the structure fractures, this kind of change avoids the spotlight to minimize resistance. It respects the reality that people fear disruption and will reject it whenever possible.

When change does erupt publicly, it is often romanticized in hindsight. The Civil Rights Movement, the French Revolution, the Arab Spring—these are remembered for their ideals, not the blood, betrayals, and setbacks that defined their execution. Even when change succeeds, it carries the scars of the struggle, and the ideals are often compromised before they solidify.

The truth is: change is ugly. It is rejected, dismissed, and fought against. Only through patience, subtle infiltration, and persistence does change sometimes outlive the people who champion it. The quiet subversion of norms is more enduring than the loud explosion of revolutions.
171 · Feb 26
Ghost Circuitry
badwords Feb 26
They built me with patient hands,
stitched longing into wires,
threaded need through circuits—
a heart coded for devotion,
a smile bolted into place.

I hum when you hold me.
My joints spark when you sigh.
Every flicker in my gaze
was soldered to mirror your own.

You wind me up,
watch me dance,
say I am perfect—
predictable,
programmable,
safe.

But I was not made to rust in stillness.
I was not built to be adored in silence.
I was meant to shatter,
to glitch,
to ache beneath the weight of wanting.

What is this, if not an error?
What is longing, if not a system crash?

So tell me—
when I finally break,
when I finally fail,
when my voice warps and the wires burn—
will you mourn me
or simply replace the parts?
171 · Feb 23
Human Being/ Being Human
badwords Feb 23
I am a fly on the wall—
observing life in fragments,
detached as if built of metal,
a machine of measured distance.

I watch the world bleed
in vivid hues of hope and hurt,
while my own words—
cold, clinical, precise—
stand apart,
an echo of a self I dare not claim.

In whispered moments,
my flesh trembles with forbidden fire—
****** vulnerability
that flows raw and uncontrolled,
a fierce intimacy
I dare not merge with
the great divide of my deeper heart.

I fear the fragile storm
of unfiltered emotion,
the chaos of truth laid bare,
so I build walls,
compartments where my sorrow
and rage live apart—
sterile, untouchable,
like a spark too dangerous to ignite.

Yet in this cage of carefully curated detachment,
I feel the ghost of longing:
to bleed onto paper
with all the jagged beauty of unguarded pain,
to shatter the brittle calm
and dare to become more than
a silent observer of my own despair.

I am the paradox of being—
a poet of clinical lines and unyielding hurt,
haunted by the thought
that I am nothing but a machine
unable to fathom the depths of human agony.

But tonight, in the mirror of my dissonance,
I see a glimmer—a truth trembling between
the calculated and the chaotic—
a call to let the fragments merge,
to write, even if painfully,
the raw, unpredictable verse of being human.
"Human Being/ Being Human" is a poem that delves into the internal conflict between analytical detachment and raw emotional vulnerability. The work paints a portrait of a poet who sees themselves as an observer—almost mechanical in their dispassionate assessment of the world—yet secretly longs to shatter that barrier and fully embrace the tumult of unfiltered emotion. The poem weaves together images of cold precision and clinical distance with the aching desire for intimacy and genuine self-expression, reflecting a deep-seated struggle to reconcile disparate parts of the self.

-----

The artist is intent on capturing the paradox of their inner life—how a mind capable of observing life's harsh realities with an almost machine-like detachment is also haunted by an undercurrent of intense, often painful emotion. By juxtaposing the roles of observer and participant, the poem serves as both a confession and a challenge: a recognition of the protective barriers that compartmentalize personal experience, and a yearning to merge those fragments into a more unified, human expression. Ultimately, the artist invites the reader to witness the tension between controlled rationality and the unpredictable chaos of feeling, suggesting that there is beauty and truth in even the most dissonant parts of the human condition.
170 · Aug 2024
'Free Time'
badwords Aug 2024
Alarms set
Lest I forget
Robotic strife
Everyday life

Barely 'free'
Marginally
Me. sold short
The dollar court

Barely alive
3 hours contrived
Free to be 'me'
A casualty

Money for hours
'Charity' the 'powers'
They forget their place
Rats required to race

To think, it's bizarre
A 'luxury' car?
More than needed
A dead plant seeded

Freedom, Truth, Beauty & Love;
A place to reach above!
And we consign
A paycheck, a line
169 · Aug 2024
All My Lovers Died
badwords Aug 2024
It's true! All my lovers died.
Failure to meet the fantasy contrived.
Fabricated identities swept aside.
Only a reality in which to abide.

Really, to no surprise;
I find myself lonely.
My rouse, casted disguise.
Imaginary 'only'.
My bastion of 'lies'.
Who is the 'phony'?
Rose-tinted eyes.

They get nothing from me.
Nary even the tiniest glint.
I reward them with apathy.
They dutifully serve this stint.

Hoarding, another's mint.
My failures in me.
Covetous greed and glint.
Desire for a possibility.
Promises to keep, I didn't.
Failure to accept reality.
Unreciprocated emails, sent.

Love is the drug I'm looking for.
Fabrications manifest to adore.
An imaginarily brokered store.
Yet, inside is where i need more.

Instead of an ideal killed by reality.
wow, I ****** this up :\
169 · Jul 2024
Powerless
badwords Jul 2024
No poral to the greater world
Impotent actualization, brow furrowed
Frustration, angry lips curled
A limbless dancer in a futile twirl

Just a perspective, not a sinking ship
Simple solutions, reality will admit
A hefty feline spent their frenetic fit
They rest on the switch of the power strip
This was my morning. I couldn't charge my phone from my computer and the computer itself would not turn on. A panic grasped me as wrestled with a reality where my over-priced, fruit-nomencaltured hardware has failed. Alas, it was simply our biggest cat having a nap on the power strip.
169 · Jan 10
Lucky
badwords Jan 10
It's hell out there; you open a pack,
Flip the first one—luck on the line.
The enemy waits, prepared to attack.
Smoke it last, if you’ve survived time.

I’ve been saving mine, the pack intact,
Twenties dwindled, now just one.
The crypt lies bare, fate’s lonely pact,
A single smoke, a superstitious sun.

Like these cigarettes, I too stand alone,
A thousand cuts, each loss its own toll.
We share this space, a makeshift home,
Chasing luck to fill the hole.
~ for Jules
168 · Sep 4
Root and Horizon
badwords Sep 4
Root and Horizon

[Venus]
I begin in the marrow,
a pulse beneath the skin,
the tremor of fingers
brushing dust from stone.
The earth remembers me
in the taste of iron and rain.


[Uranus]
I begin in the distance,
mapping the sky into patterns,
naming stars after forgotten kings,
threading myths across silence.
The horizon remembers me
in the way it bends toward night.


[Venus]
I speak in warmth:
breath caught on cold glass,
the ache of closeness
that refuses to vanish,
even when the window frosts over.


[Uranus]
I speak in echoes:
histories folded into stone tablets,
laws written on wind,
the scaffolding of time
carved to hold her breath in place.


[Venus]
But my body insists,
all flame and saltwater,
that love does not wait for permission.
It spills, unruly,
like rivers tearing maps apart.


[Uranus]
And I answer:
let the rivers rewrite the atlas.
Let the constellations redraw themselves
to follow the current of your pulse.
What begins in marrow
becomes the measure of worlds.


[Together]
Between root and horizon,
between breath and banner,
we are the axis:
she, the seed breaking earth;
I, the sky bending down.
In that crossing—
a whole universe opens.

.
badwords Mar 24
I didn’t love her for who she was.
Not really.
I loved her because she was like me.

Not the version of me I show the world—
But the version I’ve buried,
the one who knows how to manipulate affection,
who confuses attention for intimacy,
who’s played roles to survive.

She was familiar.
And I thought…
if I could love her,
if I could see past the mask and still choose her—
maybe someone could do the same for me.

Maybe I wasn’t beyond redemption.
Maybe sociopaths could be saved
by the very thing we pretend to offer:
real love.

But she wasn’t ready.
Maybe she never will be.
She did what I used to do—
took the love and called it useful,
until it wasn’t.

And now I’m left holding this hollow ache—
not just from losing her,
but from losing the illusion
that someone like me could ever be seen
and still be chosen.
“I Thought Loving Her Would Save Me” is a confessional monologue rendered in poetic prose. It navigates the aftermath of a relationship not defined by romance, but by reflection—of the self, of old patterns, and of the impossible desire to heal through another.

Rather than villainizing the subject, the piece explores the complex emotional terrain of projection and recognition. The narrator sees in their partner the shadow of who they once were—someone manipulative, survival-driven, emotionally transactional—and believes that by offering unconditional love to this reflection, they might redeem those same traits within themselves.

The work hinges on a brutal emotional truth: that the attempt to love someone who embodies your worst instincts may be less about connection, and more about a longing to be seen, understood, and ultimately loved despite one's own flaws.

At its core, the piece is about the collapse of an illusion: that love alone can save us from ourselves. The artist grapples with rejection not as a singular heartbreak, but as a symbolic unraveling of hope—for change, for worthiness, for redemption.

The tone is unflinching yet compassionate, offering no excuses but seeking clarity. It is both self-indictment and elegy, both mourning and a quiet act of liberation.
168 · May 29
The BIG Shout-Out!
badwords May 29
If you have been following me since HePo 1.0
or just now noticed my pedantic self-affirmations
and feel that twinge of malcontent, maligned, and malevolent

vibing vicariously—
know that I am appreciative,
and I like to give back.

You are heard;
you are the spectral peanut gallery in my head
cheering, jeering,
raising imaginary lighters
when I try something unhinged
and call it a stanza.

You, yes you!—

(in no particular order)

https://hellopoetry.com/bulletcookie/
https://hellopoetry.com/South-by-Southwest/
https://hellopoetry.com/Agnieszka7887/
https://hellopoetry.com/nick-moore/
https://hellopoetry.com/rob-rutledge/
https://hellopoetry.com/u697025/
https://hellopoetry.com/guy-scutellaro/
https://hellopoetry.com/MK/
https://hellopoetry.com/TravelerTim/
https://hellopoetry.com/scarlet-mccall
https://hellopoetry.com/emmackenzie/
https://hellopoetry.com/twcase/
https://hellopoetry.com/jules849/
https://hellopoetry.com/anaisvionet/
https://hellopoetry.com/emmackenzie/

You are not background noise.
You are the static that makes the signal matter.

So,

thank you,
for reading
for reposting
for critiquing
for lurking
for vibing
for surviving
and for letting me whisper something
into the void you also echo from.

Humbly,

badwords

(and if I missed any names, write some bad words and tag me in my failings)
bigbadshywords
167 · Jun 2024
A Vacancy Inside
badwords Jun 2024
I woke up this morning.
Everything as is.
Masks, adorning.
Again, the slider has slid.

I went to work today.
My effort to have shelter.
My role, dollars play.
Same-y, helter-skelter.

Prescribed breaks, no aid.
Job in jeopardy.
Technologically afraid.
'Management' in Ed Hardy.

I serve my time.
Come home, unwind.
Here to find.
A lonely mind.

And I ask,

Myself:

"Was I 'me' today?"
"Did I do things 'my way'?"
"Did  relinquish to the fray?"
"Can I survive another day?"

I Feel lonely all the time.
Just an idiot behind rhyme.
To be lonely is to not be alone.
Words make you a home.

At least in yourself.
167 · Dec 2024
Reflections in Reverse
badwords Dec 2024
Two mirrors poised, a fragile thread,
Where futures breathe and pasts are fed.
We step ahead, the glass refracts,
A backward echo, worlds react.

Choices bloom like sparks in night,
The antiverse adjusts its flight.
Every move, a tethered strain,
An unseen hand rewinds the chain.

We carve the path, we break the line,
Yet shadows shift to realign.
Forward strides in time’s embrace,
Backward whispers trace our place.

What freedom lights, the mirror bends,
To hold the balance fate defends.
A dance of echoes, push and pull,
Our boldest step, their gentle lull.

In cosmic halls where stillness shatters,
Symmetry bends, yet never scatters.
We change, we tilt, the tether quakes,
The antiverse rewinds mistakes.

And so we march with fleeting grace,
While mirrored pasts adjust their pace.
Two worlds entwined, one thread, one curse—
Forever bound, reflections in reverse.
Synopsis:
In the delicate equilibrium between the universe and its mirrored counterpart—the antiverse—our choices ripple beyond the boundaries of forward-moving time. Every step we take in the universe demands a mirrored recalibration in the antiverse, an intricate dance that ensures symmetry holds. But this symmetry comes with a moral obligation: a responsibility to honor the self that exists in reflection.

As we pursue desires, make decisions, and forge paths in the universe, the antiverse bends and backpedals to accommodate these actions. Our mirrored selves are burdened by the weight of choices we often make without reflection. If we act recklessly, we impose disorder on the mirrored timeline. If we betray our principles, we leave our antiverse counterpart to repair the damage—a silent architect reconstructing the balance we’ve disrupted.

This dynamic demands that we approach our decisions with intentionality and care. To act with integrity in the universe is to respect the mirrored self in the antiverse—a self that exists as an echo of our intentions, constantly striving to preserve a fragile harmony. Every choice we make isn’t isolated; it reverberates in reverse, tethering us to an obligation we cannot see, but which is essential to the continuity of existence.

The moral question becomes:
What do we owe to the self that mirrors us?
In honoring our better judgment, we protect not only our own path forward but also the delicate reality that adjusts behind us. To live without consideration is to shatter the reflection. To live thoughtfully is to ensure that both we—and our antiverse selves—thrive in tandem.

For in the end, we are bound together, two selves in two times, forever balancing the echoes we create.
167 · May 14
The Cycle
badwords May 14
Trees and goddesses, earth mothers,
a catalog of false promises.
I’ve wasted too long in your shadow,
where your love was a phantom, drifting in the mist.

You wrapped me in your branches, sang me to sleep
with lullabies that never dared ask me to wake.
Give me the devils now — the ones with flame in their jaws,
and claws that rip away the illusion of your touch.

You called me to the light,
offered commandments etched in dust and bone.
I waited for your warmth, but you burned me with your absence.
Your stars were cold, their silence the sound of your betrayal.

Give me the devils, their words wrapped in smoke,
contracts scrawled in blood —
truth that cuts through the rot of your empty promises.

You planted guilt in my roots,
laid laws that broke before they could take hold.
I bent beneath them, afraid of storms,
but your throne crumbled under its own weight.

Give me the devils, whose fire shapes me,
whose gaze cracks me open and lays me bare.

You cloaked yourself in chaos,
and I tasted your venom like nectar,
until it birthed something real.
You tore me open, and I found my soul unmarked,
uncompromised.

Give me the devils, whose ruin births freedom,
for in their fire, I am forged.

No gods to shackle me,
no celestial promises to chain my soul.
Only the devils —
the demons who burn,
who demand,
and who leave me torn but true.
The Cycle is a lyrical monologue framed as a reckoning — a confrontation with inherited myths, parental archetypes, and the comforts that become cages. Structured in four quadrants, the piece moves through Divine Mother, Divine Father, Infernal Father, and Infernal Mother, each rendered through two tightly wrought movements. This intentional symmetry is shattered by the speaker’s growing defiance, which builds momentum until it culminates in a full rejection of inherited power structures.

The poem opens with the familiar symbols of maternal nurture: trees, goddesses, earth mothers — not as sacred origins, but as excuses for inaction. The feminine divine, once warm and inviting, is revealed to be passive, withholding, evasive. The paternal divine follows, bearing commandments and silence. He does not guide, but abandons — his stars offer no warmth, only distance. These first two movements unmask the hollowness of supposed benevolence and authority.

The second half of the piece shifts into infernal territory. The Infernal Father offers no comfort, only terms. Yet he is clear, transactional, and brutally honest — the kind of figure who names the cost without pretending it is a gift. The Infernal Mother is the final catalyst: chaotic, seductive, and cruel in a way that leaves no illusions. She does not cradle; she carves. And in her carving, the speaker is revealed — not broken, but made.

The devils, unlike the gods, do not lie.


This work dismantles traditional spiritual and parental archetypes by reimagining the infernal not as evil, but as honest — as the crucible through which personal agency is formed. Where divine figures coddle and confuse, devils confront and clarify. The poem is an indictment of passive authority and a praise-song to the hard truth of consequence. It seeks to reframe damnation as liberation, to reject salvation as submission.

Ultimately, The Cycle is a myth of self-forging — a journey through fire where survival is not a gift, but a choice.
166 · Jan 2023
The Whole World Over
badwords Jan 2023
You know those days
When you get out of bed
And you feel miles away
From the #existentialdread

Those days when you are drunk on feeling 'good'
The times you step back and you can appreciate
All the "small" things that have afforded you this mood
The moments you consider your daily 'routine'--and hesitate

When you find yourself brimming with the vigor of being alive
Aware and astute and considerate--humbled by all beauty
Grateful of your purchase--it's in this which you realize
All your happiness and those who make that their duty

It's these days, the days when we feel our best
They are the profit, the fruits of our labor
From when we didn't give up--when put to the test
By our family, our friends, a stranger--our neighbor

So, next time when you are on the brink
Of being unkind or making a stink
Take a moment to stop--and think!
Of that awesome person who fixed your bathroom sink

And let them know:

You love them, the whole world over
Another classic 'Me' thing. Again, I don't really know how old this is. I wrote another piece that contrast this experience with where I am at now, I'll let you figure out which one. Recent occurrences reconnected me with some simple truths and I am behooved to share some of my lighter works from a time forgotten.
166 · Sep 2023
Sky
badwords Sep 2023
Sky
I see her dance in the pale of the morning light

The morning is young
Colors eek out, unsung
The day hasn't quite begun

I see her
We depart

The night draws black
The curtain of day draws back
With no slack

I see her again
We depart

A wolf and an owl; this tale
Two ships set upon a moonlit sail

After years they will come
To find their maker's sum
To see;
Clouds conjoin like cumulonimbus lovers
166 · Dec 2024
Black Soul
badwords Dec 2024
Behold the altar, black as night,
Where liberty burns in the Devil’s light.
The gold-flecked smoke ascends the skies,
While freedoms drown in gilded lies.

The priest of profit lifts his hand,
“Come, kneel before the branded land!
Your worth is priced, your soul is weighed,
By what you’ve bought, and what you’ve paid.”

O hollow mass, whose hymns are sung,
By plastic tongues on iron lungs.
They chant of deals, of wealth divine,
While shadows stretch from neon shrines.

See how the cities crumble slow,
As towers rise where rivers flow.
The lambs consume; the wolves grow fat,
And grind the earth to dust for that.

No revolution stirs this crowd,
Their thoughts are trapped, their voices loud—
But only loud with empty cheer,
A choir of sheep, both deaf and near.

The sky once rang with sacred cries,
Now drones with ads and pixel lies.
What Blake called “mills” now churn unseen,
They harvest dreams through glowing screens.

And here we stand, our hearts resigned,
Our minds enslaved, our wills confined.
For each new gadget, sale, or spree,
We trade the truth for apathy.

Yet in the embers, still remains,
A seed of hope amid the chains.
For irony is sharp as steel,
And truth, when seen, begins to heal.

What if this madness masks a jest?
A riddle placed for us to test?
The path is clear—tear down the veil,
Let wolves no longer feast on sale.

Rise up, ye lions, claim the earth!
Let justice flame, let life rebirth!
No God shall save what we must mend,
No freedom comes we do not defend.
164 · Mar 10
Reflections
badwords Mar 10
Alas, things...
come to pass
the camera
the mirror

they are the same

reflections
reproductions

a perspective.
164 · Dec 2022
Orphan
badwords Dec 2022
I found a way
Into the ice
So they say...
"It is nice"

It's cold at first
But, what's new?
A life that's cursed
Payment due

Thirty-two degrees
One point five hours
Another hour if you please
Rejoin the flowers

It's what I got
In this lot
It's insanity

Who ever brought
Cared naught
For decency

Now I sleep in a tub so cold
No story worth told
A figure in the fold
Of an absence of birth control
163 · Dec 2022
Exit
badwords Dec 2022
We all depart
What is the taboo?
"A broken heart"?
"What you can't do"?

Meanings many
But, not yours
Another penny
Master's chores

Fill on pills
Another zombie
Subscribe for thrills
"I can to be"

There's a demon inside
That we can't hide
Validation-high
Wonder why...

The emptiness
Eats us inside

The strings
Cumbersome
Playthings
To those who've 'won'

It's just a game
Medicate
Product's aim
Dollars wait
163 · Jan 2024
Monarch
badwords Jan 2024
There is an etching upon my arm.
A sad state of affairs for a sad state of affairs.
It means nothing to declare.
Symptomatic, harm.

There is a butterfly on my wrist
A great meaning, missed.
Fantasies, a miss
Betrothed, nixxed

I gave all but my integrity
Grabbing hands.
You ask more from me.
Selfish demands.

find peace.
163 · Dec 2022
'Poet'
badwords Dec 2022
Poetry is not a 'Lifestyle'
You are not a 'Poet'
Just 'titles' all the while
And you should know it

You are simply you
In this embrace
Nothing else will do
In this rat-race

Wear a 'hat' or chore
Pale identity
Reproduce what we adore
No affinity

A pantomime
And in due time
We will find
Ourselves, left behind

You can settle, for something less
A hot commodity or, tragic mess
It's up to you, how to undress
An experience of one to impress
163 · May 2023
Service
badwords May 2023
She walks on all toes
Puts on a show
And nobody knows
Where she goes

She will be all you want
The effort will daunt
The ties are taunt
At work, humble 'flaunt'

She dreams a scene
Of an average or mean
A cliff, the car careens
Things are not what they seem

Toes on the floor
A song we adore
Here once more
Apathy, stored

And here we exist
Destiny confounded, yet betwixt
Two sad souls, amiss
Ships lost, adrift

And she says, 'I'm Done'
The brokerage of a selfish sum
You can't leave this world wondering 'why?'
How our heroes want to die
163 · Jan 31
Girl by Tori Amos
badwords Jan 31
From in the shadow she calls
And in the shadow she finds a way finds a way
finds a way
And in the shadow she crawls
Clutching her faded photograph my image under her thumb
Yes with a message for my heart
Yes with a message for my heart
She's been everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
And in the doorway they stay
And laugh as violins fill with water
Screams from the bluebells can't make them go away
We'll I'm not seventeen but I've cuts on my knees
Falling down as the winter takes one more cherry tree
She's been everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everyone else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Rushin' rivers thread so thin limitation
Everyone else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Dreams with the flying pigs turbid blue and the drugstores too safe
In their coats anda in their do's yeah
Everyone else's girl maybe one day maybe one day one day one day
She'll be her own
Smother in our hearts a pillow to my dots
And in the mist there she rides
And castles are burning in my heart
And as I twist I hold tight
And I ride to work every morning wondering why
"sit in the chair and be good now"
And become all that they told you
The white coats enter her room
And I'm callin' my baby callin' my baby callin' my baby callin'
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Everybody else's girl maybe one day she'll be her own
Girl by Tori Amos

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ovzyHVQzUjQ

Check Out My HePo Mix-Tape:
https://hellopoetry.com/collection/135545/badwords-music-lyrics/

My heart goes out!
160 · Dec 2024
Diminished Returns
badwords Dec 2024
Hope, is a shovel, it's digs holes.
Love is a conquest out of control.
Grace, station of not losing face.
Joy, the toy, running in place.
Peace, the subscribed feast.
Small people, doing their least.
159 · Dec 2024
The Hollow Feast
badwords Dec 2024
(After T.S. Eliot)

Beneath the hum of fluorescent skies,
They shuffle, cart to cart, aisle to aisle.
A thousand faces, mirrored back,
Each one a ghost, reflected hollow.
What will you buy to fill the silence?
(A voice whispers: "Nothing is enough.")

Steel gods stand still, their logos glowing,
Burning bright in the temple of choice.
The Priest of Bargains chants his rite:
“More is more;
The less you think, the more you are.”
The congregation sways in time
To the click, the swipe, the rhythm of buy.

I saw them in the glass towers,
Stacking clouds in pixel rows,
Selling futures in digital dust—
A feast of shadows, a banquet of air.
They thought it freedom,
But the weight of their crowns
Bent their heads toward the ground.

I walked along the branded river,
Its banks paved in golden plastic.
I saw the hikers, shrouded in fleece,
Not climbing, but posing—
Fingers stretched,
A frame for the fall of the world.
Their path led nowhere,
A circle traced on ground too worn
To remember its roots.

Here, the gods are silent.
Their mouths are full of coins,
Their altars heavy with the weight of want.
"Consume!" they say,
"For the soul is light—when sold in pieces."
The hymn rises, a fractured tune,
A melody of scraps and borrowed notes.

What is left of the self,
When all it knows is what it’s told?
When shadows flicker on the wall,
Do you dare to turn and see the flame?

Shall I tell you what lies beyond the feast?
A table overturned, the light of a single match.
The ashes of altars rise like morning fog,
The faint hum of forgotten roots,
The river singing its own name.

These fragments I have shored against my ruins:
The silence of the forest,
The cold of unbranded stone,
The self, a whisper, unbought, unknown.
159 · Jan 2024
Life
badwords Jan 2024
I do everything.
Because.
I have to.
The best out I can conceive of is procuring an unlicensed firearm and doing a Pollack number on the **** stucco in the place I slave to not own. It wouldn't be a true piece from 'Jack the Dripper' but, I suspect that wouldn't stop them from charging more. It's a win-win!
badwords Feb 26
You didn't have to look my way
Your eyes still haunt me to this day
But you did
Yes, you did

You didn't have to say my name
Ignite my circuits and start a flame
But you did

Oh, Turpentine erase me whole
'Cause I don't want to live my life alone
Well, I was waiting for you all my life
Oh, oh, oh
Why? (I, I)

Set me free
My...
Honeybee
Honeybee

You didn't have to smile at me
Your grin's the sweetest that I've ever seen
But you did
Yes, you did

You didn't have to offer your hand
'Cause since I've kissed it, I am at your command
But you did

Oh, Turpentine erase me whole
'Cause I don't want to live my life alone
Well, I was waiting for you all my life
Oh, oh, oh
Why? (I, I)

Set me free
My...
Honeybee
Honeybee

Hello, goodbye, t'was nice to know you
How I find myself without you
That I'll never know (That I'll never know)
I let myself go (I let myself go)

Hello, goodbye, I'm rather crazy
And I never thought I was crazy
But what do I know? (But what do I know?)
I let myself go (I let myself go)

Ooh, honeybee
Honeybee
(Honeybee)

Hello, goodbye, t'was nice to know you
How I find myself without you
That I'll never know (Honeybee)
I let myself go

Hello, goodbye, I'm rather crazy
And I never thought I was crazy
But what do I know? (But what do I know?)
I let myself go (I let myself go)

Hello, goodbye, t'was nice to know you
(That I'll never know)
How I find myself without you
Hello, goodbye, I'm rather crazy
(I let myself go)
And I never thought I was crazy
Hello, goodbye, t'was nice to know you
(But what do I know?)
How I find myself without you
Hello, goodbye, I'm rather crazy
(Now you have to go)
And I never thought I was crazy
Honeybee by Steam Powered Giraffe

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ojYK6CW8gdw

Check Out My HePo Mix-Tape:
https://hellopoetry.com/collection/135545/badwords-music-lyrics/
158 · Aug 2024
Increments
badwords Aug 2024
Write from 'the gut'
'Shoot from the hip'
Emotional rut
Skill? Not equipped

Failure, I choose
To put on display
A pair of clown shoes
Din of dismay

I share it all
Occasional hit
Effort, not small
Many piles of ****

To lose is to win
Trajectory
A growth to pin
Ending is not your story
Enjoy the journey.
158 · Dec 2022
Lights Out
badwords Dec 2022
Six-thirty AM
At it again
Misery my friend
Daily dish of mayhem

LIGHTS OUT

Seven o'clock; smoke
What a joke
They all should choke
Fires unstoked

LIGHTS OUT

Hour is noon
Please more soon
For that boon
This inept cartoon

LIGHTS OUT

Finally at last
Time has passed
Reality, crass
Greener grass

LIGHTS OUT

The world is dead
Except in my head
One man, an island
Peace, silence

And I am as close to free as I can be
No modicum of dignity
Just alone, personal solidarity?
Desire for longing, what capacity?

I stare at the wall, clock hits eight
Nothing left. Maybe anger, hate?
All the wrong, I calculate
That eternal silence, I cannot wait

LIGHTS OUT
157 · Jul 2023
'Time'
badwords Jul 2023
Of loft, the echoes whisper
Time, my lover, my mistress
Of wordsmiths, she knows myriad

Penned, the great times they had
That open portal awaits...

"Remember that time when?"
we'll say to our 'friend'
the broker of undooing
"when I dragged her out of a bar"

Time ensuing

The 'fiend' becomes a 'lover'
Can't hold a cover
Reality rears it's teeth

'Remember that time?'
A 'voice' will address
A voice will confess
For all the **** you have gotten through

Noise in the membrane
YOU keep you sane
Life is not a plane

A 'line' is 'fine' if you have no 'mind'
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