Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
  Nov 2016 lil veggie
Tom Leveille
ground zero
i become aware of boundaries
i am a dog chasing cars
i sing your voicemail to sleep
there are no surgeon general warnings
to tell me that
the objects in the mirror
are more depressed than they appear
so how do i tell you
that there are parts of my life
that move slower
without you in them?
or that i look for you every day
in emails & unanswered calls
in the sunrises
i didn't choose to be awake to watch
that i sometimes still stare at doorways hoping you would walk through them
   *stage 1
you tell your new lover you've got a splinter and they pull the sound of your body falling asleep on mine out of your fingertip
   stage 2 your new lover says something at dinner that makes you choke so they call 911 & the paramedics do the hymleich not knowing you would ***** our promises all over the the restaurant
   stage 3 your new lover surprises you by cleaning the house & washes the shirt you kept next to the bed, not knowing it was the last thing you had that smelled like me
people always ask
what was loving her like?
after a really long silence
i just say
"it must be nice"
but i never say
it's watching paint dry
i never say
it's a window seat in hell
i don't tell anyone
about the dreams
where i am reading you
bedtime stories
each one is a different way you die
& every time i can never save you
dreams where what i think
are angels in my bedroom
are just homeless versions
of myself you never loved
i have dreams
where i pay someone to shoot me
just to see if you would cry
just to see
if you would cradle my body
i don't tell people
that loving you is like
playing piano
for someone who can't hear
that it's hitting repeat
on my favorite song
& forgetting the words
every time it starts over
that it's finding out
there's no milk after you already
poured yourself a bowl of cereal
it's getting locked in the dark
& being told to
look on the bright side
that loving you is like
being reminded of what it felt like
the first time
you accidentally let go
of a balloon as a child
it's drowning without the water
it's the feeling you get
when you start to dance
& the song ends
lil veggie Apr 2016
there's something off-putting about watching the woman who gave birth to you standing there helpless with tears dripping down her porcelain face out of her doe eyes. it's so off-putting that the sight of that turns my sympathetic neutrality towards this woman into irrational fear and a sort of trembling down my already withering spin. i don't quite know how to describe the feeling i get when i see her like this, but i see her, frame by frame. tears still falling and i'm still there, i suppose i'm waiting for someone to jump in and become that home that she so desperately needs, but no one does and she's still there. i remember when i was younger and still stuck on that ridiculous idea that monsters existed, i would be mortified to sleep alone and i would cry senselessly until she came in, picked me up and dragged me into her warm bed. i remember how she sang to me, slightly off key, the itsy bisty spider and i remember how her laughter felt like warmth on my skin. i tried to keep the warmth. i tried to save it for a rainy day. it was raining tonight, not from the sky but from my home. she was drenched with regret and anxieties that splattered on the floor like a broken glass of wine and i didn't know what to do, so i grabbed her soft hands and sang the itsy bisty spider with her until i felt her laughter hitting my cheek like it never left.
remember to always, always,  always be there for your mother because she has always been there for you
lil veggie Mar 2016
i want to press my lips to the places you forgot could know softness. i want to explain the color of your eyes to a room full of blind people. i want you to touch me, even if your palms burn holes into my skin, even if you make me bleed. i want to clutch onto your t-shirt with my head on your chest and i want to play with your hands, trace your veins and kiss you. i want to feel your lips pressed against mine as you moan my name. i want to hear you speak when it’s late and no one’s awake when it’s you and me
beneath the trees and the towers
as we look from below
captivated by the canvas above us. i want to make you blush forever. i want to drag my tongue along your jaw, i want to be lazy and drunk and sick with love. do you remember when you told me about the person you were afraid of becoming? i said i wasn't scared, and i told you i was proud of you. i want to know everything and i want to learn it from you. i want my name to constantly be in your mouth, like its something you can't spit out. i want to be the manifestation of what you imagine gentleness is. i want to be a collection of breath in the corner of a quiet room. i want to tell you all the good things about yourself. i want to point to the place in your chest where it aches and i'll show you that i can be soft. i want to stay by your side.
i want to teach you things about softness and brutality. i want you to tell me about the callouses on your hands and how they got there. i want you to know that my shaking hands feel empty every time i look at you. i want to show you focused attention up close. i was not born into caring, i have spent years learning how to be gentle. i want to put my mouth on what makes you sorry. i want to make your heart overflow and i DON'T want you to turn down the heat. i want to be your favorite refraction of light. i want you to drown me with the textures of your words and the colors of your touch. i want to know how your sighs taste when the words don't come & how your hands feel when there's nothing left to hold. i want to love you with every fiber of myself that i can command,
i want to love you
*i want to love you
yes it's repetitive and yes it's badly punctuated and yes it *****, but i was young and in "love" so shhHhhhHHhh

— The End —