THIS IS NOT A LOVE POEM
THIS IS A POEM ABOUT HOW YOU RUINED ME
THIS IS A POEM ABOUT HOW YOU SET ME ON FIRE, ABOUT HOW YOU TRIED TO EXTINGUISH EVERY LAST PART OF ME THAT YOU EVER TOUCHED---THIS
THIS IS A POEM ABOUT HOW YOU MADE ME FEE LIKE I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO MISS AND THIS BABY, IS A POEM ABOUT HOW I DIED IN YOUR ARMS AND YOU DROPPED ME IN ACID
THIS IS A POEM ABOUT HOW YOU TEMPTED ME WITH WORDS ABOUT LIFE AND SMILES (AND MAYBE HAPPINESS, REMEMBER WHEN YOU PROMISED ME HAPPINESS)
BUT MOST OF ALL, THIS IS A POEM ABOUT ME AND SEVENTY-THREE MESSAGES I STILL HATE YOU FOR NOT REPLYING TOO EVEN THOUGH I NEVER ACTUALLY SENT THEM

i said i'm sorry i said i wanted to come home i said i loved you the world is so ****** up why the **** did i leave you why in hell did i make you leave why did we paint the kitchen wall yellow it looks horrible. **** this **** this all. baby i want you back--i love you; i love the way you smell like fire, i love the way you used to look at me when you thought i wasn't looking at you (i am always looking at you); darling i love you like i loved the way my mother would watch my father come home from the gym all sweaty and gross and would tell him she'd still choose him over brad pitt even if he looked and smelled like this all the time, and i love you more than my dad loved my mother every time she told him that and **** sweetheart--****** ******* hell i do not know why i didn't look at you more often or why i didn't bring you breakfast in bed or why i smiled at that boy at the subway station two days ago (maybe because he had your eyes) and i smoked hundred-and-seventy-two cigarettes since you left even though i quit two years ago and i spent all my money on things i'd never let you buy because "they were useless" and ****, sweetheart, i miss you and i don't know why i didn't appreciate the way you sung under the shower (very out of tune) because every morning i wait for you to start singing that ******* jason mraz song (i'm yours) before i realise you're not going to ******* sing it because you're not ******* here and you're not ******* mine (i'm still yours).

you are a walking catastrophe

death in its most beautiful form---you

are a time-bomb,

those things you call eyes red and blue wires and when you come close enough

i can hear it ticking at the back of your throat

two years ago you smiled at me (tick-tock-tick-tock, baby)

and you kissed my hand; said "darling---

---you taste like you need me"

and i said maybe but i meant yes and now i wish i had meant no

and now you are nothing but a countdown to self-destruction

the first word you said to me---darling

made me a ******* part of you

AND YOU CAN SAY SO MANY THINGS ABOUT ME BUT YOU CANNOT SAY I DIDN'T LOVE YOU BECAUSE I STAYED WITH YOU EVEN WHEN YOU SET ME ON FIRE
AND WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME YOU RIPPED MY HEART OUT
AND WHAT ABOUT THAT TIME YOU SMILED AT ME JUST BEFORE YOU KISSED HER
AND YES I HAVE ISSUES BUT SO DO YOU WHEN YOU ENGULF ME IN FLAMES AND TRY TO EXTINGUISH EVERY LAST PART OF ME THAT YOU EVER TOUCHED
AND EVEN THOUGH I KNOW THE FEEL OF YOUR HAND COMING IN CONTACT WITH MY FACE I'D STILL LOVE TO BE THE ROOFTOP YOU GO TO WHEN YOU WANT SILENCE
BUT I STOPPED BEING GOOD ENOUGH FOR YOU THE MOMENT I CHOKED ON THE PRIDE YOU MADE ME SWALLOW

my mother told me never to light matches around boys who smell like fire and look like smoke
don't go for boys with shoulders not strong enough to carry you home
don't go for boys with voices not loud enough to scream i love you
when i was younger, we created a happy place in my mind to visit after nightmares
you're in my nightmares now--yet
--you are in my happy place
correction: you are my happy place
and the sky cries but i don't think it misses you as much as i do
remember when you told me i could have you as long as i wanted? well tell me
HOW CAN I HAVE YOU IF YOU'RE GONE
HOW CAN I WATCH YOUR EYELIDS FLUTTER WHEN YOU DREAM IF YOU'RE NOT HERE NEXT TO ME i hate you

steal the pause that stops me from bleeding all over your poetry
i am a misplaced smiley face at the end of a horrible message, he
is the sun, his eyes--
(eyefuck me with your deepest brown, autumn-eyed boy)
--he is all.
he is a lunar eclipse and i the ******* who stared unprotected anyway because **** me
if i was going to be blind i'd prefer to be blinded by him
if i was going to get hurt i'd prefer to get hurt by him